there's like 10,0000,0 accounts with names like "Best Heritage Posts" and "Tumblr Hall Of Fame Posts" and "So Funny Hellsite Posts" but where's the shitty posts accounts. where's the hall of fail accounts. i want to see the worst of the worst
heritage post
come on man
On tumblr you really can’t expect to ask “where is god?” Without the devil answering “have you checked up your ass?”
Kind of a Reddit AITA post but sometimes it is a little funny to fuck with people in ways that deliberately conform to a stereotype of what they must think of you. the other day I was talking to my friend and I randomly said that I wanted a pet chimpanzee. I'd dress it in person clothes (dungarees and hats) and I'd teach it to love science fiction. And this girl nearby was like "you know how dangerous those things are, right? Also how unethical it is to keep an ape as your pet for your own amusement" and I was already seeing where the conversation was going so I was pretending ignorance like "yea but it wouldn't just be for my amusement. It would have practical points too." And she ignored that statement entirely to say "Well chimpanzees can rip faces off" and I was like. What's the most frustrating thing I can say now. Finally settled on "Mine wouldn't do that though." and you could tell she wanted to hurt me very very badly. Like a chimpanzee would if I had one as a pet
Our grocery store has a Perishable Manager and a Non-Perishable Manager and I know it’s talking about the departments they oversee but really it seems like Seth may be mortal but David will never die
amen
You would think that the biggest risk of trying out something new is that you won't like it, but it's when it's so good it raises your standards where the real problems start
"out of provolone? How am I supposed to eat a sandwich without provolone?" - girl who put provolone on her sandwich for the first time this week
I looove when food is in a bowl. Frequently plates are being brought out and I'm thinking this could've been a bowl meal but nobody gets it
“The average US president has been charged with 1.54 felonies” factoid isn’t true. The average US President has been charged with 0 felonies. Donald trump, who has been charged with 71, is a statistical outlier and should not have been counted
Felonies Donld is now up to 79 felonies, for a statistical average of 1.71 felonies per president
Update:
With 91 felonies, felonies Donld has now broken the 2 felonies per president average average (2.02 felonies per president)
Consider, from the perspective of ten years ago, an ex-president saying he used to constantly fantasize about fucking men, and the reaction being "yeah, whatever, poser."
yr locked in a room alone with three adult men but you feel perfectly safe. who are they
I mean, I feel safe from them but I’m suddenly EXTREMELY worried about what shenanigans I’ve stumbled into
“These men mean me no harm”
“So you feel safe now?”
“Oh, absolutely not”
ack oooguh help the wind keeps blowing me
blow on yr screen every couple seconds to simulate annoying an anime boy
i came up with this idea when i was very sleep deprived and i then spent like 30 minutes intermittently blowing on my screen. i was very entertained, at one point i laughed so hard i almost lost my voice. i figured that this was just a symptom of being very easily amused due to my condition but now that im awake again i see that this is easily the best post ive ever made. i have peaked, i will never post anything this good again. fffffffffffffffff. ffffffffffff. ffffffffffffffffffff. ffffffffffffffffffffffffff
I love blowing anime boys!
do me a solid and just reblog this saying what time it is where you are and what you’re thinking about in the tags.
no gay relationship written by a straight person will ever come close to how diabolically insane a straight relationship written by a gay person is
college-aged obama portraying himself as bisexual in an effort to attract artsy girls is the funniest thing i’ve read all week
LIST OF MEN WHO HAVE TRIED AND FAILED TO BE BISEXUAL:
Wow this sucks I'm gonna kill *remembers that suicide jokes only worsen your mental health and that the first step to healing is stopping* you
If Taylor Swift used her power for good she would be such a great stochastic terrorist. She would post on Instagram "Hey guys, Tay here. Just wanted to say that whoever delivers me the head of Ron DeSantis on a platter will get free Eras Tour tickets. #ShadeNeverMadeAnybodyLessGay." It would be at her doorstep in two hours.
I... what.
Girl help they are doing Qanon style esoteric analysis of Taylor Swift Selfies
Some of your books make it seems like you believe in actual literal magic, do you? ()
I can write down a few words and make people thousands of miles away, whom I have never met and will never meet, laugh tears of joy and cry tears of true sorrow for people who do not exist and have never existed and never will exist. If that isn't actual literal magic I don't know what is.
my favorite meme of jesus is the edit of kramskoi's "christ in the desert" where he is smoking a cig. yeah. that's a good one.
live jesus reaction to me being a fucking idiot every day
