My utter shock when at age 16 it finally dawned on me that people my age actually have sex and aren't joking
Toddlers are really funny to me because they can’t speak so they just scream
This is pretty much the entire movie.
(I saw the comic and I turned it into the fcukign cat meme, it’s even worse bc now I know there’s a Meows Morales)
Hobie: Oi Peter!
Peter: Sup?
Hobie: Uh...Mayday said her first word.
Peter: Dang it and I missed it! Well thats ok but did you at least get it on video?
Hobie: No but I'm sure she will say it again.
Peter: What was it? Mamma? Daddy? Hobie? Spider?
Hobie: Systemic oppresion.
Peter: Oh haha. Funny.
Hobie: I don't joke, bruv. She really said that. I taught it to her.
Peter: Hobie, that is way too advanced for her to say-
Mayday: Sys...tem...ic oppreee...sion.
Peter: Holy crap.
Hobie: See? Kids a born anarachist. Doesn't even follow the rules of child cognitive development. Already leagues ahead.
Peter: Of course she doesn't. She's got MJ's smarts.
Hobie: You're smart too.
Miguel: Last week he got stuck in the vending machine.
Hobie: You mean his hand?
Peter: No.
Hobie: How?
Peter: I don't even know.
Hobie: Yeah she's got her mums brains alright.
Hobie: Oi Peter!
Peter: Sup?
Hobie: Uh...Mayday said her first word.
Peter: Dang it and I missed it! Well thats ok but did you at least get it on video?
Hobie: No but I'm sure she will say it again.
Peter: What was it? Mamma? Daddy? Hobie? Spider?
Hobie: Systemic oppresion.
Peter: Oh haha. Funny.
Hobie: I don't joke, bruv. She really said that. I taught it to her.
Peter: Hobie, that is way too advanced for her to say-
Mayday: Sys...tem...ic oppreee...sion.
Peter: Holy crap.
Hobie: See? Kids a born anarachist. Doesn't even follow the rules of child cognitive development. Already leagues ahead.
Peter: Of course she doesn't. She's got MJ's smarts.
Hobie: You're smart too.
Miguel: Last week he got stuck in the vending machine.
Hobie: You mean his hand?
Peter: No.
Hobie: How?
Peter: I don't even know.
Hobie: Yeah she's got her mums brains alright.
Finally, some good news.
STILL USE PRIVATE AND SECURE BROWSERS TO MAKE THESE PURCHASES AND CHECK YOUR BANK DISCLOSURES RE: privacy information. Do not post about it and do not leave digital trails about if and when you do this
All I’m seeing is a well paying job with good customers
Also?
MANY religions worldwide would consider this a solemn and respected post of work. Every form of paganism I have personally run across would say you’re doing an important duty. In Judaism, we’d say you’re fulfilling a Mitzvah by respecting the dead and honoring their memories.
If you go in with good intentions, any spirits still hanging around WILL NOT HURT YOU. Just show them respect.
bygodstillam
Also seriously that’s nearly $17k a MONTH. I’ve had jobs where I didn’t earn that in a YEAR.
Even if those ghosts ain’t friendly, I am full-on taking that job. $200k a year. $200k a fuckin year. No retail, no food service, no manager hovering and riding my ass, no annoying coworkers? I’ll deal with the ghosts.
i’d take ghosts over people any day <3
Fresh air, no sitting in an office, no customer service, just me and a bunch of gravestones and maybe Maria from three graves down having a hissy? For that money, what’s not to like?
Plus like, what ghost is gonna decide ‘yes today I will take horrible vengeance on the person who quietly and respectfully keeps the plants tended and the headstones clean’. Whoever they’re gonna fuck with, it’s not gonna be me.
Fr tho, since when have you ever heard of the graveyard keeper being the one haunted? It’s always the dumbass who doesn’t listen to their advice that gets got.
Me and Miss. Johnson sharing some gossip while I tend to the rose bush her lover planted next to stone last year.
My favorite part of Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves is that if you don't play DnD, it's a solid fantasy movie, but if you DO play DnD, you can feel in your soul the table talk that's almost certainly happening over the events of the movie. Like...
"Are you guys sure you don't want to take a perception check?"
"I said we jump out the window."
or
"And he turns and walks directly northwards away from you guys."
"The map shows a rock-"
"HE WALKS OVER THE ROCK."
or
"Fuck it, I throw a potato."
"Okay... roll for potato, I guess."
"That was a 20."
or
"I know we won, but I have bonus actions and I'm going to use them, damn it."
Boring: they're all found
Better: the find the submarine empty
Even better: only one person left
Best: completely new person found alone on submarine
It’s D B Cooper
Greco-Egyptian Magic :
"I call upon Helios + Thoth + Christ + Jewish God + Hekate + Ten Thousand Angels + Ten Thousand Demons + Hermes + John + Paul + George + Ringo + L + Ratio to make the other team's racehorse shit itself and die"
Zuckerberg is in such better shape than Musk, and is trained in combat sports. This will be humiliating if Elon shows up
I think the rich should engage in bloodsport for the entertainment of the masses more often. Let's get Kissinger and Cheney into a ladder match.
psst...while the MET apparently has many trafficked artefacts, the temple I've seen some of you refer to? That was given to US by the Egyptian government as a thanks for helping with the relocating of Abu Simbel. Several other countries who helped also got gifts like this; Ägyptisches Museum in Berlin, Germany, the Rijksmuseum in Leiden, The Netherlands, Museo Egizio in Turin, Italy, and Parque de la Montaña, Madrid, Spain.
So this thing, and accompanying items?
Is not looted, stolen, or trafficked. It's there entirely legally.
YES miguel o’hara’s ass is immensely fat and he is very hot but NO he would not fuck you. he is not fucking anybody. he has 109201890289381 mental illnesses and catholic guilt stored in the ass and spiritually is crying to car seat headrest fully clothed in the shower at all times. yes even while trying to maim a high schooler.
The Hadestown trombonist deserves 1000000000000000 dollars
Hot take: The much quieter level of corporate Pride this year is not worth celebrating.
Not because I want to spend my dollars on Pride merch sold by corporations that don’t care, but because the near-absence of corpo Pride is a canary in the coal mine. Corpo Pride is a barometer of sorts for social acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community. If Corpo Pride goes away, it should be because being LGBTQ+ is so normalized and seen as “no big deal” that there’s no message to ‘sell’ anymore; but what’s happening now is NOT that.
Scientific fraud is the most baffling thing ever to me like do they think they're just going to make a huge breakthrough and no one will notice that it's fake by trying to replicate their results
Yeah actually I just discovered how to turn plastic into gold. Oh you want to know how I did it
Starts running away cutely
