It’s more of a pussy out kind of year
luigitornado
Nathan pyle’s newer comics are delightful
Also...these panels
tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva
This is killing me. Please read it in his voice
George Francis Atkinson - Botany for High Schools (1910):
Fig. 51. A. cross section of the stem of an oak tree thirty-seven years old, showing the annual rings. rm, the medullary rays; m, the pith (medulla). B, cross section of the stem of a palm tree, showing the scattered bundles.
beercheesecasserole
banana tree: *slurred* hold my cocktail
jonathanrichmans
how did the person that @beercheesecasserole reblogged this from get a comma in the tags
The dragontree is an asparagus, not a tree.
tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva
anyone else so bad at phone calls you have to write down what you want to say beforehand and just read it? I feel like a robot
tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva
sorry but this is so funny
aaaaaaa i want to be cool and interesting and skinny and edgy and interesting and skinny and cool and skinny and skinny and skinny and just have more than one goddamn friend
i see all these skinny, attractive, interesting, cool, well dressed people everywhere with a group of other skinny, attractive, cool, well dressed people doing friend things meanwhile i am a fat, eboy wannabe, boring, lonely, nic addicted, mental tranny loner.
beep boop ANYWAY lockdowns been great
xosunflowerdoll-deactivated2020
Why is raw fucking such a big thing now? Especially when we all know the shit men will overlook in the name of going without a condom??
Like one time I was giving a guy a lap dance and he like, BEGGED me to let him stick his dick in. “Only for a few seconds! Please!” An kept whining when I said no and finally, he asked me, “Why not?”
I told him I didn’t want to. But, I thrive on showing people how ridiculous they are so I pointedly asked him, “Do you have a condom?”
He said, “No, but I’m clean! Are you?”
“Yes,” I said. Then, I said, “How do you know I’m telling the truth?”
“I trust you!”
He’d just met me A MINUTE AND A HALF AGO LIKE sisnajahsjanajiaiajjs MEN ARE SO STUPID y'all!!!!
locker-room-bitch
One time, I matched with a guy on Tinder and we were planning to meet up to have sex and he told me, “I don’t use condoms, I can’t cum with one on.”
WE HAD JUST MET THAT DAY OVER MOBILE.
He didn’t know me from Eve, but was ready to fuck me, a complete and total stranger, raw!!!
BECAUSE DICK FEELS
locker-room-bitch
A guy who’d been my friend with benefits asked after two months if we could go condomless, so I asked him if we could go get tested together.
He gave me a bevy of excuses including “I don’t have health insurance” (He was an international student from France) and “That’s too expensive, I don’t wanna pay for it! I’m clean anyway!”
I asked him when was the last time he had gotten tested.
TWO YEARS AGO.
And he had had sex with at least two women, RAW, since then, but thought he was fine because he hadn’t ever gotten itchy!!!!
Men loving playing russian roulette with their dick its very unnerving
People don’t realize that the most common STIs are asymptomatic.
vampireapologist-archive-deacti
One time I was cooking with a girl and we were both bilingual but we didn’t have a language in common so we were just sitting by the fire doing prep work quietly and I was peeling little garlic cloves to mince and she put her hand on my arm to stop me and demonstrated how you’re supposed to press on the clove with the flat side of your knife to break the shell off all at once to peel it and I was like oh! And I imitated her and she nodded in approval and we went back to quietly peeling and mincing the garlic and I don’t want to be hyperbolic but in that moment I was like wow I truly understand the universal thread of human love and connection inherent in our souls or whatever
looked through some of my old tweets and found a cursed exchange
I have been quoting this tiktok for the past two weeks.
imfuckinggai
This bitch had like 5 accents
torokoqueen
transcription: “you’re a nice guy. (shifts to singsongy british accent) i’ll think about it maybe xo baybeoi uh oh eehjfgoi SHEND HIM KISSHEOIS. i didn’t know i would moive in with his missusWOOOOOT GET A LOIFE WE’RE LIVIN WITH HIS WOIFE like.. (disturbingly serene) what was i meant to do…? ehehehe. (sudden american accent) oh bitch oi seemBUHHURH BREAST KILLA?? mm. HEHEHEHEHEHE (back to british accent) she doied. that’s what she desehves. (sudden new yorker accent) this stoopid princess bitch has been fuckin goin against me since i downloaded this goddamn app. she’s like (peppa pig again) oih you’re heare? no problemm. an- oo OO OOOHOHOHOHOOO OHOHOHOHO HOHOHOWAAAAAAAAA!!!!! ….oh i was first heh!”
you’re a nice guy 👨💼! I’ll think 🤔 about it MAY-BEE🐝. X O 🤗💋 baybwee👶! UH OH here we go 🚀🚀🚀! SHENDS HIM KISSES😘😘😘! I didn’t know that I would move in with his Mrs.👰 WHUUT😲! GET A LIFE! You were living with his wife 👱♀️like what was I meant to do🤷♀️? Oh bitch 💃obviously- BUH HWUH BREASTKILLUH 🔪🙍♀️! Yeet ✌️! hehehehehehe 🤣🤣🤣🤣 she DIED 😵. It’s what she deserves 💁♀️. this STOOPID princess 👸 bitch 🐕 has been fuckin goin against me since I downloaded this goddamn app 📱. She’s like, “OH yaw here, no PRAWBlem!” eh OO OO 😮OOOoOooOO 😩😩😩😩OOOOoo 😱oOO😱oooo 😱O😱😱OO😱OOO WHAAAAAA🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 Oh I was first heh!🥇🏆
WORLD HERITAGE POST
eddythekoopa
I recite this everyday
Was anyone gonna tell me Vincent Martella, voice of Phineas Flynn on the Disney Channel original show Phineas and Ferb is on some absolute king shit on his twitter or did i just have to see this amazing series of tweets myself?
There’s more just go fucking look yourself
goldenn-graphite
BOY’S ON SOME REAL KING SHIT LEMME TELL YA
I have to add this gem
