i will be moving on from tumblr

lol just kidding im just gonna delete this account and start over

to my mutuals, i will be stalking you

i have your names ;)

okay i am back

hey does this still work

another year, another account revamp

i haven't been active as much. school's been getting in the way. i'll try to sort this thing out and i'll be back in business.

a crisis. a proper crisis.

It is the 14th of January. Another school day has again come to pass. And once again the mean, bad, big, and intimidating subject that is pre-calculus has taken and gotten into everyone’s minds. I don’t know if I can keep up, but I’m desperately trying to.

Tomorrow might be the biggest Tuesday of my life. At once, when I tell you that we will be having our second and last pre-calculus quiz online, you’ll tell me to toughen up. More difficult and harsher things are bound to come. But alas there is something bigger behind the curtains. Tomorrow is decision day. Stay in STEM, or pursue Humanities.

I’m scared. I’m horrified. I am beyond anxious. Sure, I might be making this a bit too hyperbolic for what it actually is, but the weight that tomorrow brings is heavy nonetheless. I’m still scared.

I’m scared because I think I might make the wrong decision. I’m scared because I think I’ll end up as a disappointment and all I want to do is to make my parents proud – they’ve done so much and I don’t want them to feel like it’s all just a waste. I’m scared because I don’t want to spend the next 10 years without a job, film is a very intense field after all. I’m scared because I actually want to have a wife, and a family, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to support them constantly. I’m scared because I might not be able to do the things I want to do. I’m scared. I really really really am.

You know, I remember when I first read an actual book. I was 10 years old. I read a story about this lost hero trying to find himself along with two companions. I was captivated. I wanted to tell stories. MY stories. Looking at myself today, I don’t know if 10-year old me would be disappointed, because I’m close to crying about deciding what I want to do and study, or if the 10-year old me would be proud, for actually finding something that I am interested in. Something that I feel I would really take pride in.

A friend of mine has made her decision. I am so proud of her. Me, well let’s just say it’s going to be a long night. The next time I see the sun, I would have made a proper decision.

I’m still scared. Horrified.

Lord, I pray that you help me make the right decision. Better yet, I pray that you help me make my decision, right. Amen.

with certainty i can say,

for infinity,

i will stay.

//

posting things on my notepad cause why not

7 am but reminiscing and being scared of the future

October 20th.

I went to the Panic! at the Disco concert, at MOA Arena.

It was my second time attending a concert, it was my second amazing night with the people I went with, but it was the first time that I did not record, or even take a picture of ANYTHING in the venue. Everything is all in my head, just the way I want it remembered.

To the people I was with, it's our second amazing night together. We lost our voices, but we'll never ever lose these memories we're making.

Here's to more voice cracks and nights together! 🍻

×∆×

P.S

To the three dudes waving their blue lights from across the arena, thanks for giving us a little laughter while waiting for Brendon, we'll remember you too :)

in the mood for writing poetry again

Trench is out my dudes, the clique is back

this just had to come out while i'm in school????

There is a humongous elephant in the room and we're just ignoring it.

We need to talk about it sometime, you know that yea?

Last day as a 15-year old, and I'm watching the movie I was named after.

This day is good.