best response of all time
[Image description: Text that reads “The Lord has protected my mind from comprehending whatever depravity you meant to imply.” End description.]
Did you know that leeches were once used to predict storms? Well, a tornado warning just dropped and my squad is climbing
My dad is a meteorologist and he has never once warned me about an incoming storm. My leeches, however......
https://amp.theguardian.com/news/2015/apr/19/weatherwatch-forecasting-tempest-prognosticator-storm-leech
*urgently* Lads, the leechometre is at 12 bong, I repeat, 12 bong!
"tempest prognosticator" absolutely sounds like some kind of arcane device a wizard would have lying around in his workshop
It would also probably have leeches in it.
New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep
Worse sleep. That was meant to say worse sleep
I Am So Fucking Tired
Literally immediately after reblogging this to correct it I went "wow, it has a reblog already?" And got all the way to checking my notifs before I realized. That it was me.
I actually wasn't that far off you guys
HOLY SHIT THE POST IS SAVED
Anyway horse sleep: sleep, but horse. Worse. Sleep but worse. Definitely one of the two.
Why would you hide that in the notes
I want an ice maker and enough room in the freezer for a pizza and that is IT.
I want the dumbest fridge you got. Gimme the orange tabby of refrigeration. I want my fridge to pull the wrong lever and turn my enemies into llamas instead of killing them. I want the following features: keeps things cold, has compartment that keeps things colder, a door that opens and shuts.
"Here at Stupid Jeff's Dumb Appliance Warehouse we sell the dumbest fucking appliances. Check out this fridge. This fridge won't ask you about your day, this dumb fucking fridge doesn't know what an Elon Musk is and won't fucking tell you what bullshit that dumb monkey is slapping into his phone today when you try to get some fucking milk. We took out all those "smart" electronics and in their place we put a loaded Glock 9mm that is put right up to that light that turns on when you open the door, which is the smartest thing in this fucking stupid fridge and let me tell you that fucker is on thin goddamn ice, if it gets too smart and tries to turn on before you open that door, the Glock will blow it to hell. Speaking of ice, this stupid fridge makes it. It makes ice, it keeps things cold, it comes with shelves. It's sturdy enough that when your ex comes back to your place looking for their stuff that they think they left behind like nine months ago and they know that you don't have it, but they wanted an excuse to come start a fight with you and throw a chair at your head but miss you and hit your fridge MICHAEL, this fridge will keep trucking because it gives zero shits and it only lives to keep things cold. Come to Stupid Jeff's Dumb Appliance Warehouse, if you ask us if we have an app, we break your kneecaps."
If anyone actually cares I’d say an accurate one would be firefighter, mail carrier, angler, bootlicker, spokesperson and garbage person
One change I'd make to the last one...
Not to vagueblog but some of you are definitely the sweetest souls and I think of you fondly
Forbidden cheese
potion of donald duck noises
Tired of watching your pot for the water to boil? Skip the wait with this one weird trick!
Translation:
You aren’t going to get in my way today?
Ah, it’s a new type of attack.
FYI: The link below the image leads to a site with more of the artist KyuruuZ ’s stuff.
More of their cat comics can also be found (in what is probably an easier to navigate format) at
They are utterly adorable and easy to understand even if you can’t read the dialogue bubbles. Absolutely worth a visit!
Source: twicomi.com
saw someone refer to not knowing how to keep track of your money as "girl math" ......why are we in this weird era of treating women like idiots but repackaging it to sound cute and quirky. We All Need To Stop
it’s so cool how the search function on every website, a technology that was essentially perfected over a decade ago, is borderline unusable now
elon musk is literally like a parody. like he cant genuinely fucking be like this like bro is on some satirical depiction of a spoiled rich kid type shit. like hes a cartoon evil rich guy. throwing tantrums bc someone criticized him or said they didnt like him. spending billions of dollars to buy an app and then changing the app every time someone uses a feature of the app to insult him or hurt his feefees. dude straight up does the cartoon steam blowing out of ears train whistle shit irl every time someone says anything mean to him or is transgender but whats terrifying is he has enough money to do anything he wants and millions of chuds who would gladly no homo suck his cock every night before he goes to bed. like. how has someone come to be like this. why has this been allowed to happen why was he created
i think most rich guys are actually more like elon than they aren't, they all have simpering fanclubs online but enough haters to keep them up at night. i've seen a good half-dozen "richest man in X country" instagram accounts litigating their personal beef with some obscure shitposter who won't stop trolling them. they run the world but everyone doesn't love them so they're not happy
this is the richest guy in africa and his mortal enemy, a bored brazilian man
Little ascii creatures are so so good and important
words of affirmation. there's nothing wrong with me i choose to be like this every day for the bit
This is from 2020, but it definitely still applies.
I 100% agree that we should do this anyway
need a bi4bi t4t m/f pairing where the girl is a giant freak and not in the "cute manic pixie" way but in the "unethical experiments in my fucked up laboratory" way and the guy is a golden retriever who thinks he can fix her. and he brings her cute bento lunches and she's like "bradley shut up put on your fucking gloves and hold this possum down so i can graft these giant grasshopper legs to it"
your brain is unfathomably colossal
ice cold take but if you have to pay for accessibility features it is not in fact accessible
There's a user called Erika Horn (@erikahorn.art) on tiktok who made a "duet me" challenge so technically impressive that all of the duets are exactly like this LMAO