Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

I am in love with you /p

What about the one with the princess locked in a tower learning to become a wizard? That’s lived in my mind for years and I haven’t seen it in a long time

Oh, love that story, adding it to the list: 20. Princess Talia and adding a few more contenders 21. Thyme 22. The Monster under the Bed 23. A Meaningful Death 24. Humans are unstoppable…until they aren’t 25. The Monster under the Fridge 26. Antler Guy 27. Cleric slamming healing spells

Adding a few more I remembered:  28. The Frog and the Scorpion 29. HSTHETE 30. The First Witch in the World 31. Imagine that Oceans were replaced by Forests  32. A Faerie taking a Name  33. The Dragon on the Farm  34. Synovus & Menace  35. Raising the Anti-Christ  36. Aliens vs. Flora & Fauna of Earth (pretty sure there are even more additions to the original post but I had this one saved)  37. Doctors without Borders…in Space!  38. The Villain-Wrangler  39. The Last Contact  40. The 100 Parent-Point Children  41. And the Heavens Wept  42. The Night Gentleman  43. The Serpent God and their Priestess 

44. No One Showed Up for the Last Storytime

Poll time!

Halfway through your trip your uber driver says “fuck this actually” aloud and teleports the whole car back to your original location and makes you get out.

Your uber driver keeps quicksaving at every red light and stop sign.

There’s no traffic, not a single other car in sight. Then suddenly your driver looks in the rear view mirror. There’s a car the opposite color with a license plate with the same text in reverse order driving directly behind y’all. Boss music starts to play and there’s a sizable health bar.

Your uber driver is speeding along, drafting, drifting, using shortcuts, driving up those trucks with the ramps; you get to your destination 2 minutes faster than you expected. Your driver takes y’all back to the start, they know they can do that again. Faster this time.

You’re stuck in traffic for a while. Your uber driver groans in frustration then starts doing a series of gestures, turning the wheel back and forth, manipulating the shift gear, tapping the gas and brakes. You get a notification on your phone that cheats have been enabled and you won’t get any achievements until they’re disabled. Your driver moves the car and upon touching another car it explodes instantly without dealing any damage to y’all.

You’re halfway to your destination when alas, the bridge is up. Your uber driver rolls his eyes and begins driving onto the sidewalk, wedging the vehicle between a fire hydrant and a street sign. He revs the engine harder and harder, causing the car to vibrate violently until he lifts his foot off the gas. The car is instantly flung across the river, past buildings, faster than your mind can take in- until it all suddenly stops. “Damnit,” he curses under his breath, as you check your map to see he’s overshot your destination by more than a couple of miles.

It’s giving big Gangsey vibes

Canonically any of them could’ve said this

I mean, isn't getting hit by a car equal to a car acting like a excited dog happy to see you, ready to jump up for a hug and kiss.... only for it to forget it has the weight, strength and momentum to take down a wall?

no i cant play outside today i still have the curse

I read that as Austin Powers and my head instantly went "Austin Powers has Lychanthorpy now?"

And then my minds eye sped full-fucking-tilt into the live action Cat In The Hat wearing 60's outfits being all morose on the giant 60's phone, laying on his giant circle spinning bed saying he can't go outside because of the curse.

But my hands are too weak to bear the weight of such a masterpiece, so I can never bring this image to life.

asdfghjkl

— ERIN BOW

So, so very much this.

— ERIN BOW

So, so very much this.

Plato makes up Atlantis as an allegory and over 2,000 years later people are still looking for it. You might as well be looking for Narnia.

Plato: Luxury and unlimited power are forces that corrupt human beings and lead them to being colonialist and stupid. The gods will punish Athens if we continue to exploit others for our own gain. I have invented this society as a parable to illustrate my point because I tend to use metaphor for a lot of things.

Everyone: But where are you hiding it though

Plato: I’ve purposefully included details like a mud shoal west of Iberia that doesn’t exist and references to a volcanic eruption that we all have cultural memory of as an obvious indication that I made this up. Are you paying attention? It’s a metaphor. I’m using literary references. You can go west of Iberia yourself. It’s not there. I explained where it is and it’s not there. You all know it’s not there. Please stop it with the luxury and exploitation. That’s my main point here.

Everyone: Yeah but where is it though

Plato: Orichalcum is just a fancy looking metal. It’s kinda like fancy copper. I made it up for this fake parable city.

Everyone: So it’s magic, then.

Plato: I want Athens to be a bit more like Sparta.

Everyone: Where’s the magic metal

Plato: I just think that greed is bad, generally. We should stop doing that.

Everyone: Where are you hiding the magic metal???

CRAAABBBSSS!!!

the german experience: another day, another WW II bomb found in my neighborhood

And so we have only 98 luftballons left to worry about.

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

On it boss!!

[id: a set of 5 UNO cards upon which has been written, "Yes", "no", "I don't have a card for that", "can't talk right now 😢", and "I have powerful wizard magics 🙂". End id]

Help me!

System!!!

Congratulations! You've made your character!

By the way!! Things work differently than you expected so you've gotten 3 skills set up completely wrong. Do you want to go back and redo your character?

"Ok so, I can do 12 damage per turn, is this a game where thats insanely high or pitifully low?"

To put it simply, every game functions in different scales, for example, Magic the Gathering VS Yugioh. MTG monsters have single digit stats, a scary big boss would have 6/6 stats and the players have 20 hp. Yugioh monsters generally have above 1000 attack, a scary boss monster would have 3500 attack, and the players have 8000 hp. There are cards in yugioh that let you deal 200-800 damage, free of charge, and are not worth playing. Whereas if you printed a card that dealt even 100 in MTG it would be busted.

You cant reasonably judge any stat in a game if you dont know the system thats built around it. 22 AC in dnd? Holy shit dude thats a lot. 22 AC in pf2e? You're gonna die.

Jokes on you!

Even with a armour class of 22 i'm pretty sure i'd get myself killed in dnd.

Help me!

System!!!

Congratulations! You've made your character!

By the way!! Things work differently than you expected so you've gotten 3 skills set up completely wrong. Do you want to go back and redo your character?

A new mode of production arises out of the newly networked masses.

Fanartists:

Thingiverse users:

Royalty free sounds

Flash games

Productivity has always been there

Because shockingly when people enjoy what they do (you make it enjoyable instead of just hammering on them) people WANT to do things!

Fanfiction authors!!

Where is the button to shout this from the rooftop?

Honestly, i'm currently working at the warehouse where my mom also works. (I'm temporary to fix 1 failed year of school).

And my mom keeps talking about how it's a sinking ship and no one wants to do that kind of work anymore.

And i'm just here like. Oh, no, that's not the problem at all. You guys just have a shitty system when it comes to literally everything.

Just, congrats! You work in the same style as you did 30 years ago. Both the warehouse as the departments for marketing and sales... but have they considered that working the old fashioned way could be their problem?

hi what did everyone have for dinner (or lunch or breakfast if ur in a different time zone. whatever ur last meal was)

you guys have delightfully strange palates

I'm not sure what my dinner is going to be yet.

But i'm eating dinner with my parents.

So there's a 95% chance of boiled potato's being included.

Welcome to the future, where you don’t own anything and the stuff you rent stops working once your phone has no signal.

App powered car? 🤦‍♀️

I wish people remembered the age old wisdom that if something doesn’t absolutely require an Internet connection to function, it shouldn’t be connected to the internet - same goes for apps.

WHY IS A CATFOOD DISPENSER CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET

Sometimes I’m glad that I’m too poor for my “cool future stuff” monkey brain to be set loose to buy stupid shit like this.

please please please do not buy into the Internet of Things. Digital displays for appliances are one thing, but you shouldn’t need the fucking internet to do your laundry or use the fridge.

Also read something but a Dutch e-bike manufacturer going bankrupt and the bikes only functioning with an app. I’m no expert, I don’t have one, but something about digital keys to lock or unlock your bike. Seems a third party is going to take over the digital keys and the servers will remain online, but … yeah.

This is akin all those hot takes about the 2k bug being an hoax:

"Remember when they told us every computer was going to crash on 1/1/01 and there would be chaos and then nothing happened?"

Yeah, I remember. And I'm sure every programmer and sysadmin that contributed the billion person/hour global effort to prevent it also remembers.

No one talks about acid rain anymore, either. And that's a very good thing.

see also START and START II, which significantly reduced nuclear stockpiles

International cooperation is actually so effective that most people don’t even notice it happening, and then erroneously believe it can’t solve anything.

Fixing issues before they develop into actual disasters is such an underappreciated thing it hurts at all levels.

We don't talk about acid rain because there isn't any more acid rain because when acid rain started happening and we learned that the cause was mainly sulphur oxide and carbon monooxide from car exhausts, countries all over the world made it a law that car companies had to produce cars that produced less exhaust with better effectivenes (burning the fuel all the way to CO2 instead of the halfassed CO) and oil rafineries to remove the sulphur from the gasoline in the first place.

We don't talk about computers crashing because of the turn of the century, because thousands of programmers worked very hard to write updates and patches for Every Single Program humanity as a whole used back in 1999 and then somehow managed to failtest, distribute, and update every single device and system, be it an online or offline one before the midnight of the 1st january of 2000.

On a much smaller scale, no one ever commenta or notices cleaners and housekeepers doing their job - be it at home or at whole buildings - because they always make sure that there's nothing to notice. But don't be fooled - at any point of your life you are one week of them not doing away from swimming in trash and filth with nothing to eat and nothing clean to wear. Only then you would notice.

Now it's time to do that thing again and make sure that we don't kill our whole planetary ecosystem within the next century.

If you ever think america is a clean country, go without garbage men for a week.

Wait, acid rain was a real thing???

And not just, a thing for games, movies to add some bonus drama effect??

Destroy the myth that libraries are no longer relevant. If you use your library, please reblog.

I recently went in to my public library to find a copy of Ann Leckie’s Translation State and when they didn’t have it in the system, and realized it had just been published, they offered to BUY IT FOR ME. For me. Just because I asked. And now it will be on the shelves for anyone to read.

I go to the library to dump dupe's when i don't know any friends that want to have them.

Just, i'll find a book and think "heck yeah finally they released the next chapter!!!!" And then i'll get home with the new book in hand, take one look at my bookshelf and stop to think "oh".

And a few times i went there with a few copies of books because i bought them but they didnt have the right print compared to the rest of the series i had standing at home.

Just, am i hoarding books for no reason? Yes. And i wasting money by buying a 2nd copy purely for the size/print of it? Yes.

Do i make the library (and hopefully some other people) happy by my weird spending habits? Also yes!

Like, screw you bookstore for refusing english books to be returned (they only want dutch ones). And well, i can get €5,- for a book they'll resell for €10,- (or more if there's no visual damage on it)