[ID: A tweet thread by fooler initiative @ metroadlib:
“I literally stopped working on my memo so I could read this indictment. I am on page 24 and Jesus Lupita Nyong’o Christ. How this man still has the capacity to shock me after everything that’s happened, I’ll never know. but I am sitting here stunned.
“I’ll be honest—b/c I really do lean into naivete sometimes. it’s difficult for me to assume the worst from ppl, even when they have done all of the worst things. so this whole (spelled with seven l's) time, I’ve been thinking, ‘wonder why he didn’t give back those docs. he’s probably lost them.’
“and also, ‘this dingus just grabbed shit from the white house b/c he’s too stupid to know he couldn’t. he probably doesn’t even realize what he has.’ lol. nope (spelled with 21 o’s). nope (spelled with 34 o’s).
“this was a deliberate and concerted effort to remove the most sensitive docs the country has, and keep them…and then show them to ppl at his leisure while acknowledging that he was neither supposed to have them or show them…
“he haphazardly stored the docs any damned where, including in a goddamned bathroom shower… they were chucked to some random room in Mar-a-Lago, and occasionally the boxes—because there were so (spelled with nine o’s) many—would tumble down…
“and top secret documents—documents having to do with defense plans, military campaigns, nukes, you name it—documents clearly marked ‘top secret’ and ‘secret’ and ‘confidential’ and two other designations I’d never even heard of before today, but which apparently
“mean super duper double pinky swearsies realsies secret would just spill out onto the GD floor and lie there, exposed, for all to see, just naked and baring all the world like a national security full monty.
“and as if that weren’t enough: the Archives asked this MF fifty-leven times to give all this stuff back. and 45 would be all, ‘I gave you everything I got. Damn. Shit. There’s nothing here.’ Then he would have his aides move the boxes…
“and he would travel (spelled with 13 l’s) with (spelled with 14 h’s) the boxes (spelled with twelve s’s). and some member of his family—ivanka or melania or lara—also knew he had the boxes, but he would travel with (spelled with seven h’s) them. because that was—presumably—the only way to make sure he kept them.
“but what’s wilder still is that this MF had lawyers who were like, ‘Fam. For serious. You need to turn in anything that you have that is a file and belongs to the US Government. Dead. Ass.
“and 45 was all—to the lawyers, to these officers of the court—‘couldn’t y’all just tell them there’s nothing here?’ and ‘wouldn’t it be better if we just, kinda like, burned all this shit, you know, if it were here, hypothetically
“and one lawyer was all (reaction image of a Black person wearing a head scarf and aviator sunglasses looking shocked)
“then he was like, ‘you got this subpoena on may 11. I’m coming through on the first of the month to run through that whole shit, and I’ma make sure nothing that belongs to these United Ass States is in that garish monstrosity you pretend is a house’
“so 45 has his body man and his aides move the boxes again. like just, scores of boxes, he has them move a gazillion boxes again to hide them from: his lawyers. (reaction GIF of a short-haired Black person gesturing with their hands in a confused shrug)
“and then (spelled with 14 n’s) the night before the day his lawyer is supposed to come through, he called him and was like, ‘Aye, dawg. You still coming tomorrow? I was sitting here talking to the homies and like…we don’t know why you’re coming. Why are you coming?’
“and the lawyer was like (presumably deep sigh here), ‘I already told you. I’m coming through to move through the house and make sure I can tell them we complied with the subpoena. I’m gonna make sure you don’t have anything you’re not supposed to. Okay?’
“and 45 is like, Oh! (spelled with nine h’s) Right. Cool. Coolcoolcoolcool…cool. Come on through, then. I’ll see you tomorrow. Then he hung up.
“I have to keep reading. but what I really need you to know is that whoever drafted this is giving us next level # caliber dorian corey shade. because sprinkled throughout are excerpts from quotes that donald trump gave the press during campaigns and his presidency—
“boasting about how good he’d be at keeping this nation’s secrets safe. how we needed a return to discretion and how ppl who violated national security laws and breached the protections afforded our most sensitive docs needed to be punished with the
“full might of the law. for real. for real. GASP.
“ch— the lawyer went to Mar-a-Lago, and 45 and his aides were just sitting there like, ‘oh yeah. this guy wants to make sure we’ve turned all the stuff in. somebody take him back to the room and make sure he’s comfortable.’
“the lawyer goes, looks around…and finds 38 things that were top secret. and, honest to God, I think they left that stuff there deliberately sos that it wouldn’t look like they’d cleaned house.
“so the lawyer packages up what’s left, goes back out, and 45 has the au-Goddamned-acity to be like, ‘Wassup? How are we lookin’?’ Hand to God, this man says, ‘Is it good? is it bad?’ As though he hadn’t directed everyone to clean house.
“then when the lawyer shrugs and indicates that there’s still some chester copperpot level shit in the box he’s carrying, 45 mimes taking out the secret stuff and disposing of it. Mimes. With his wee hands.
“the lawyer apparently ignores it, and is like, ‘okay, I’m gonna bring in last lawyer and I’m gonna tell her that I went all the way through everything you said you had. then I’m gonna tell her that what I’m holding right now is the last of ANYthing that you have
“‘and aren’t supposed to. So if there is anything else in this house, tell me now. ‘cause she’s coming with an official ass paper that I am tendering to the feds, and we don’t lie to the feds…so is this it, donald?’
“and 45 is like ‘on my mama.’ so the lawyer brings the other lawyer in, and is like, ‘this is it. this is everything. so you can safely put your good name and your good Bar ID number on this super official sworn statement. b/c 45 said this is it and we’ve complied.’
“let me just stop for a moment right here and tell you that I would literally die first. I would literally DIE before I relied on that man’s representations. I’d lie down in the center of my living room floor,
“cover myself up in a blanket, roll (spelled with 17 l’s) from wall to wall, back and forth, until I was Dexter secure in the bedding, and then will my body to cease breathing, before I’d put my name on some shit off the strength of Donald Gargamel John Trump’s word.
“so the lawyers turned that weak ass certification in and told the National Archives Records Administration—the entity charged with the task of maintaining our collective memory as a nation—‘that’s all we got.’
“as if this federal agency, whose chief responsibility is literally to keep things, wouldn’t know this veritable mountain of documents was missing.”
The whole last tweet, as well as many other parts of the thread, are written in all caps.
