It’s literally impossible for you to make yourself known to everyone you meet. Some people will just get the wrong impression about you and you have to let it go.

I was walking down the street with my brother on a hot day on our way into a bookstore and I said “I hate the sun. It’s too hot. Name ONE reason we need the sun. Literally I can’t think of a single reason why we can’t just figure out a way to block it”

And a guy turned and looked at me with the most dumbfounded and horrified expression Id seen since the last time someone looked at me like that (about a week before) and then turned to the girl with him and they both looked mistified in the worst way.

They really thought I don’t know what the sun’s for.

I could’ve told them I work in environmental science but I was having a conversation with my brother.

Those two people think that’s the day they overheard probably the stupidest thing any human being has ever loudly said in a bookstore.

That’s fine.

I know I know what the sun’s for.

been repeating this in my head all day

honest to god fill my uterus with these, how many will fit? how many until its noticeable? lets make a game out of it! get them big ass balls into me

hi

You should all be beaten like piñatas

dont do that bro the fucking boba r gonna shoot out

few things make me happier than when a fictional character has some kind of condition that makes it difficult for them to show affection in basic ways we usually take for granted, like holding hands or even touching at all, but instead of trying to change who they are the people that love them find a suitable compromise that works for them both. like in pushing daisies when the guy can't touch his resurrected lover without killing her again, so they kiss through a sheet of clingwrap. it's not perfect, but just the fact that they love each other enough to try to make it work in spite of the obstacles that lie between them makes it all the more meaningful.

"i can't hold hands because my claws cut anyone who tries -"

"i can't touch anyone without burning/poisoning/killing them -"

also sometimes they're just perverted sadomasochists and that's great too

who wants to go with me to the evil dead cabin dunkin

Behold! The printing titty!

I normally tag these posts “specific ass machines” after a minor meme that blew through Tumblr, but I was tempted to tag this one “specific boob machines”.

(Artist meow25meow seems to have had their Twitter account nuked and I cannot find any other original source to link to.)

polaroids of bruce campbell as ash williams on the set of “the evil dead” (1981)

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, that's terrifying on a whole new level.

people are so weird about babies like calling them crotch goblins, reducing being a parent "letting someone cum in you" etc etc etc like those are tiny little humans you don't have to want to have any of your own but they are literally just small people & it's weird to constantly describe them in crude sexual terms and/or as subhuman

Happy birthday, Duane.

:)

is the tgirl wearing a collar doing it because she has a fetish, or just because it's a cute accessory? is the gay man in leather and a pup mask actually being "indecent" or is he just dressed up like a dog because it's fun? are drag queens doing it because crossdressing is sexy or because drag is an expression of who they are as a person? does the furry walking around in full suit have a boner under their outfit or do they just like cosplaying as their cute cartoon squirrel oc?

you will never know. you can never tell. sometimes even the people doing these things won't have an answer. is it a sex thing? is it kink? who fucking knows! there is no line! public expressions of sexuality aren't immoral to begin with, but if you make any attempt to suppress them, you have to decide what is and isn't allowed, and you are going to get it wrong. there is no way to untangle kink from personality and hobbies and interests. kink does not even necessarily involve sex. sometimes it's just self-expression and vulnerability and sharing a particular dynamic with another person. sounds a lot like (checks notes) literally every other human experience that exists.

i'll say it again: the person wearing a leash in your vicinity is not sexually assaulting you. they're just wearing a leash.

READ:

That's enough money to give every homeless American 24 THOUSAND DOLLARS

That's enough money to give 43 dollars to the ENTIRE U.S. POPULATION.

That's enough to fully treat ~95,000 Cancer Patients for FREE.

This is where your tax dollars go.

NOT schools.

NOT Protection.

NOT Healthcare.

NOT Homes and shelter.

NOT Science and Medicine.

NOT the potholes in your roads.

NOT your retirement or your future.

You are being made to pay for Genocide while your own people die.

it's the holidays, you know what that means

Leslie’s Sinister Concoction

Yeah, that doesn't prevent pregnancy.

Dfgajagakala it’s so you don’t get a UTI 😂

*facepalm* So, given that sex ed in the US is a tire fire:

Vagina-having people have a shorter urethra, which means we’re more prone to UTIs because the bacteria doesn’t have to travel as far to get up into your bladder and cause a problem.

Which means if you’re exposing your bits to bacteria (as with sex), peeing will flush out bacteria in the urethra. (Urine isn’t actually sterile - that’s a myth - but you’re *supposed to* have a little bit of bacteria - that’s how bodies work. But it still flushes things out that shouldn’t be there.)

Oh! You should ALSO pee after you masturbate, especially if it involves penetration with fingers/toys/etc

So I’ve blocked like five transphobes on this post, which I feel should have been relatively uncontroversial.

If you’re one of the people saying “You meant ‘women’”, fuck you. I meant “people who have a vagina, regardless of their gender or lack thereof”, and you can go fuck yourself with a cactus.

And you should pee afterward, so you don’t get a UTI.

ms word ms excel and ms powerpoint are all snooty disagreeable ladies who wont speak to me due to my meager dowry but then i meet their beautiful sister ms paint whos clumsy but charming and we fall in beautiful love. and i become mr paint

imagining a world where askjeeves won out as the most popular search engine so people having arguments online end up saying stuff like "literally just ask jeeves about this, it's not hard"

via