Enough (Draco Malfoy x Reader)
Hello, thank you for requesting. I hope you enjoy this one, I don’t think I write angst very well, though I tried. Hopefully this is what you wanted but let me know what you think. :3
Warning: Insecure reader, self harming, not feeling good enough, depressive thoughts, angst?
Note: Angst? The reader in this story is female / uses female pronouns.
Y/n walked out of Charms class, feeling dejected and empty. In her hand, she held her crumpled Charms test, where a large T for Troll was printed on the front. She could’ve done better had she actually studied for the exam and actually paid attention to the questions instead of just mindlessly writing her answers. Professor Flitwick was not impressed with her grade and pulled her aside, asking if she was feeling alright;
“Your grades have been falling drastically lately, Miss L/n. This is very unlike you, you’re usually so bright. Is everything alright?”
Many other professors had already asked her this same question so she replied to him the same way she had to everyone else; “It’s nothing.” Professor Flitwick looked uncertain but he let her go, warning her that he might have to give her detention should her grades fall any lower.
She slowly continued to trudge her way to her dorm room, the only place where she could scream her thoughts without a worry that someone else would hear. As she was about to reach the Slytherin Common Room, she felt a hand grasp hers lovingly. She gasped in surprise and turned to find Draco smirking at her. Y/n quickly forced a smile and hugged him tightly.
“Hello Love. It’s great to see you. I swear I’ve been looking for you all day but you seemed to have disappeared until now. How did your Charms test go?” He grinned.
“I got an O.” Y/n lied effortlessly through her clenched teeth.
“Really? That’s amazing.” He pressed a kiss against her forehead. “I always knew you were clever.”
“Thanks, Draco. It really means a lot.”
Draco nodded and turned away from her, walking towards the rest of his friends who sat by the fireplace. He sat on the couch next to Pansy, who engulfed him in a friendly hug. Draco hugged back and settled into his seat, laughing at something Blaise had said. Y/n sighed softly, trying to ignore the heartache she felt shoot through her chest. Pansy Parkinson, a brilliant student who aced every one of her classes. She was so brainy that the only other student that could rival her intelligence was Hermione Granger. Not to mention, she was beautiful. With her black hair and dark eyes, Y/n had thought Pansy to be more beautiful than herself.
She felt tears spring into her eyes as her thoughts took over her mind. Look at him, he looks so much happier with her than you. Tears were beginning to trail down her cheeks and Y/n hastily wiped them away. Don’t cry here. Go to your dorm room so no one can hear your pain. She obeyed her thoughts and traveled to her room, still trying her best to hold back her tears and the screams that threatened to climb out of her throat. She stepped into her room, making sure the soundproof door was closed. Y/n sat on the bed, hugging one of her green pillows tightly against her chest as sobs racked her body. Tears streamed uncontrollably down her face as she screamed into the pillow, releasing the bottled up misery that had been building up over the week. She was lucky that she didn’t have dorm mates, so no one would suddenly burst into her room and see her in her torn state. She clutched the pillow tightly, still screaming into the fabric as the voices roared in her head. She wished desperately that someone, anyone would come and save her from drowning in the sea of her sadness. Unfortunately, however much she wished, nobody would come to her rescue.
Y/n laid down on her bed, feeling completely hollow and depressed. Her throat felt sore and scratchy, her eyes were puffy and red, and her hair was a rat’s nest. She held the tear-stained pillow close, as if it were her only support in this hell. She still felt like crying but her eyes could no longer produce tears. As she lay motionlessly on the bed, the voices began to speak again.
Look at yourself. So pathetic.
Can’t even control her stupid emotions without crying.
They were right, Draco did deserve better. Someone better than her……Pansy was better. Draco deserved someone like Pansy. Someone smart and beautiful. Someone who was worthy of his time and love. A tiny voice in the back of her head began speaking though. However, this voice was not the cliché voice that gave you hope and positivity. No, this was a much darker voice.
Maybe you don’t have to give him to someone better. Why do that when you can simply make yourself better? That way, you can still keep him.
Y/n liked this idea much better. If she couldn’t be good enough for him, she could change herself to be good enough. Before she knew what she was doing, her body moved to the other side of the room, where a small drawer leaned against the wall. She opened the drawer and spotted what she was looking for. A small silver razor laid neatly in the drawer. Y/n mindlessly picked up the razor, running her fingers gently on the sharper side. The blade glinted wickedly in the low light of the room, causing an almost evil glow to emit from the malicious object.
If she wasn’t good enough for Draco, she’ll make it so that she was. The voice in her head goaded her to quickly finish the job.
You want to be enough? Go ahead then.
Unable to control her actions, Y/n rolled up her sleeve, revealing thousands upon thousands of scars that already lined her arms. She placed the razor against her arm and followed what the tiny voice told her to do.
The next day, Y/n slowly walked into the Mess Hall. It had taken her nearly 30 minutes to convince herself to get out of bed that morning which caused her to arrive much later than everyone else. Y/n decided not to cover up her wrist with a glamour charm as she was too exhausted to cast one, opting to wear her long sleeved Slytherin robe instead. She looked around and spotted Draco already seated at the Slytherin table. She happily skipped over to him before her cheery attitude dropped. He was sitting next to Pansy.
Of course. Maybe I should leave them alone?
Draco noticed her and motioned for her to join him, gesturing to an empty seat on the other side of him.
She sat next to him and gave him his usual kiss and hug. He smiled and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. He then turned and continued his previous conversation with Pansy, his arm still wound around her. Y/n stared at the table in front of her, not thinking she could take the sight of Draco and Pansy without feeling worthless. The table was piled high with eggs, bacon, pancakes and other miscellaneous foods. Though her stomach grumbled at the sight, the voice in her head insisted that she couldn’t eat. She didn’t think she could eat anything anyway without throwing up.
“Babe, aren’t you going to eat anything?” Draco asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.
“Not hungry.” Y/n answered.
“Are you sure? Not even something small like an apple?” Draco questioned, grabbing a green apple from the table and handing it to her. Y/n shook her head and handed the fruit back to him.
“I’m fine.” Y/n smiled, trying to hide her distress. Draco nodded and turned back to Pansy. Y/n sighed quietly, making sure Draco couldn’t hear her. Today was going to be another long day.
Before she knew it, it was already dinnertime. The day had dragged on for what felt like an eternity as she walked towards the Mess Hall. Her stomach gurgled and she couldn’t take it anymore. She was just going to eat something small and then sleep. Y/n had planned to get some fruit from the table and make a quick getaway but clearly fate had some other ideas. Draco had spotted her before she could make her escape and he shot her a worried look as he gestured for her to come to him. Y/n contemplated not going to him but the way he was looking at her though, suggested that she had no choice in the matter. She scurried over to him and sat next to him silently. Draco pulled her into a tight hug, almost like a child would do to their favorite toy.
“Where were you during lunch? I didn’t see you nor could I find you anywhere. Mind telling me where you went?”
Crying at my self worth in the girl’s washroom. “I was in the library, studying for my assignment.”
“That’s hogwash and you know it.” Draco said angrily, “Tell me where you really were.”
“Y/n, stop lying to me. What’s been going on with you lately? You disappear during meal times and if I ever see you, you never eat. Your grades have been dropping like flies too. Please love, if something is going on just tell me. I love you.” Draco pleaded.
Y/n didn’t answer and averted her gaze to the floor, avoiding his eyes. If she looked into them, she wouldn’t be able to hold this facade and she would break in front of him. No, she needed to remain strong.
“Nothing is going on.” She quietly stated, turning away from him and attempting to return to her dorm. Draco wasn’t having any of that though and he grabbed her wrist. Immediately, Y/n felt a stinging sensation explode all over her wrist at his tight grip. She hissed loudly in pain and pulled her arm out of Draco’s grasp, cradling her burning wrist against her chest. Draco’s eyes narrowed at her sleeve, which was slowly staining red with blood. Y/n took notice of this and suddenly ran off, not giving him any time to question her. Of course, he chased after her, calling her name loudly in hopes that she would stop for him. She didn’t bother to stop and kept running, praying he would just give up. She should’ve known better.
Eventually he caught her, being a faster runner than her. Before she could say anything, Draco reached for her arm gently. She didn’t bother to resist and looked away when she felt her sleeve getting pulled up. She heard a sharp intake of breath as Draco looked at all the scars on her arm. He casted a quick healing spell on the cuts before pulling her into a fierce hug. Y/n closed her mouth and simply leaned into the embrace of her boyfriend. Draco stroked her hair and Y/n could feel her head getting wet. Was he crying?
“Why? Why would you do something like this to yourself? What could have driven you to do something like this?” Draco sobbed.
“D-Draco….you de-deserve someone s-so much b-better than me.” Y/n stuttered, feeling the tears begin to flood her eyes.
“You deserve someone smart, talented, and beautiful. That someone isn’t me.” Y/n choked, “You deserve someone like Pansy.”
“Pansy? Why would I ever leave you for her?”
“Because she gets Outstandings all the time on her assignments. She’s pretty and perfect. I’m nothing compared to her.”
“Who says that? I’ll gladly hex them for that because what they’re saying is absolute rubbish.” Draco pulled her in closer to him, “You’re perfect for me.”
“I don’t give a damn about her. Why would I choose her when I already have a perfectly smart and beautiful girlfriend? Listen to me, you are the only one for me. I don’t care what you think or what anyone says. I don’t want Pansy, I only see her as a friend. You are the only one I want. You are clever, you are gorgeous, and most importantly, you are enough. I feel so grateful and I thank Merlin every day that I can call you mine. I thank Salazar for bringing me this beautiful woman and allowing me to love her for the rest of my days. You are so important to me, you’ve become my everything. I can’t imagine a world without you. Pansy could never compare to you. You are the one that has stolen my heart and that’s not going to change anytime soon.” Draco lifted her chin and kissed Y/n, professing his love for her.
Y/n kissed back, the tears she had been attempting to hold back now freely falling down her cheeks. The kiss was desperate, both of them conveying the heartache they were feeling through their connected lips. Y/n wrapped her arms tightly around Draco’s neck, as if he would disappear if she let go. Eventually, the pair had to part for air. Draco was panting heavily and Y/n’s face had turned a bright shade of red. Draco rested his forehead against Y/n’s, closing his eyes in thought.
“Don’t you ever forget it, Y/n. I love you, and only you. Please never hurt your body again. You don’t deserve that. You deserve happiness, love and peace. You are so amazing and it hurts to see someone as wonderful as you think that you aren’t enough. I love you and I will never stop loving you.” Draco pressed a sweet kiss on her forehead.
“I love you too.” Y/n whispered softly, but Draco still heard it.
“I love you more.” He challenged teasingly.
“I love you most.” Y/n grinned.
I am loved, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am bright. I may not be perfect, but who is? I have flaws but I have positive parts as well. No matter what insecurities bring me down, Draco will always be there to shoo away the demons and the voices.
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Once again, I want to thank the anonymous person who requested this. I am aware that the ending was a bit rushed (Sorry about that). Part 5 of Love Potion will be delayed so I posted this to give all of you something to read while you wait. I’m sorry if this was triggering or really horrible to read. I am in NO way romanticising depression or anorexia. If you are suffering from any of these, please seek help. My inbox is always open and you are always welcome to PM me if you need someone to talk to. You can find your country’s suicide hotline here or here and you can find other helplines here. If you know any other ones, please inform me. I also want to thank everyone for helping me reach 150+ followers, I am eternally grateful. Words cannot describe how happy I feel that all of you enjoy my writing.
Thank you for reading this story. If you have any requests, feel free to ask. Until next time.