The topic of mental health is something people have become much more open to talking about, but few actually look into how we treat those who have severe mental illnesses.
Yes we say talk about your anxiety and depression, normalize it!
People even often say Mental Health is just like Physical health right?
But do we actually treat it like that?
Two years ago I was injured at work and I had people show up with food, send me money, cards, games, phone calls, texts. Immense amounts of support. Consistently.
Because I had a physical injury and that we understand.
As I have spent the last year suffering from an intense mental health crises that same grace has not been extended.
I have asked for help, begged for it even and the response is so different. Nobody is showing up with food, or gifts or simply to check on me and see if I am okay.
Families & communities create plans when someone has a terminal illness to provide support in every way possible.
Why don't we view Depression (and a host of other mental illnesses) as a terminal illness?
Approximately 40,500 people die from breast cancer every year.
Approximately 45,000 die from suicide every year
That number is not counting the people who die from self medicating with various substances or engaging in passive suicide through risky behavior
We understand that cancer is deadly and that a person has to now face death everyday and they may have to take drugs that make them feel worse and possibly won't work at all
We have grace for their anger and fear
We have grace for their inability to do basic tasks of self care
We don't respect or understand that mental illnesses can be the same way
Yes, you can try medication that might make you feel better, or worse, or not work at all.
Or perhaps a medication that was working will just stop and now you're facing your own mortality again
When you are in a space were everyday you have to look death in the face, it's messy and aggressive. It isn't gentle or simple.
When you are in a space where you an unable to feed yourself, bathe yourself, work, speak, sleep. When you are unable to do the most basic parts of what it takes to feel just alright in your own body...
Why don't we show up? Why is that giving so limited? Why don't we forgive the anger and mistakes?
It's because we, as a society, still view mental health as a choice not asa terminal illness. Suicide kills 1 in 80 Americans. It's the 12th leading cause of the death in the United States. Once again these numbers are excluding other forms of passive suicide.
I have stood in showers fully clothed and held up friends as they broke down because they hadn't been able to shower in weeks and now they couldn't keep it together anymore.
I have sat at bedsides and simply watched someone sleep.
I have dropped off food when I barely had any to give. Did laundry, dishes, scooped litters, fed pets and picked kids up from school. Showed up with whatever I could to hold space.
I have slept in my car when someone was too embarrassed to let me into their home, but they needed to know that someone was there.
I did those things because I know how lonely and quiet you are expected to be when you are in a space where you are thinking daily about ending your own life.
I know that experiencing this illness everyday is exhausting. The effort it takes to keep yourself alive is immense. Always being hyper aware of not letting yourself get too close to or have too much access to something that may be your cause of death.
Bridges? For a long time I have avoided them, I refuse to walk over a bridge. Guns? I will never own one or stay in a house that has an unsecured gun.
The list is so extensive, but it takes constant vigilance to keep yourself alive when your own mind is telling you to die.
There is very little space for the conversation of suicide. People will tell you to go to a doctor, but that leads to many people being involuntarily hospitalized. The reality is most people cannot afford that in both a literal and psychological sense. What will happen to their job, their home, their pets or their children? What happens when you get home and you are still without support?
Many people who are in a state of suicidal ideation will never be able to get the most out of therapy, because they cannot safely share what they are really experiencing. If they can even get access to therapy.
We are forced to lie. We are forced to lie to keep our freedom and autonomy. We are forced to lie to preserve our relationships with those we love. Many times we just isolate ourselves because it's easier than having to lie all the time.
What if someone said "I have a terminal illness and I am afraid I am going to die" and we showed up how we do for other terminal illnesses?
What if we showed up as a community with care, food, gifts, money and patience?
What if we loved them through it even as they fell apart?
What I have gotten in the last year when I have told people that I am afraid I am going to die is just nothing compared to what I got when I told people that I was physically injured.
I have flat out told people, I haven't been able to feed myself. I have not been able to take care of my cat. I have not been able to work. I have not been able to shower.
I have told people. I am afraid that I will not make it through the night.
I will get the occasional text the next day asking "You feeling better?" sometimes a little emoji or funny gif
Imagine responding that way to someone else who told you they faced the reality of their own mortality every single day and not seeming like an absolute asshole.
It isn't different. No matter how much we have been conditioned to believe that it is.
Those that suffer from severe mental illnesses deserve the same support, because it is just as deadly, but we are asked to go through it silently and mostly alone.
We are told to seek support in places that actively harm us and we are given very little space to just state what we are experiencing. We lose friendships and relationships.
Often our spaces and our bodies fall apart as our mental state becomes more deadly and that causes even more suffering. Even more pain.
Suicide deaths are almost double that of homicide deaths.
Often after someone commits suicide you hear people say "I wish I had known"
Even when people do know, we are not taught how to support people going through this. What we are taught is harmful and causes more pain.
Show up like that person just told you they have cancer and they are seriously ill and they are scared of dying.
Anything else is not enough.
1.2 Million people attempted suicide in the United States last year, this number is probably not correct because people don't talk about suicide openly.
130 people die every day by suicide.
Every 11 minutes someone dies by suicide.
I am saying all this in the hopes that someone, anyone learns how to treat those around them who are experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Just show up and give like your loved one may die tomorrow and you want to make sure that they know they are loved and cared for. You want to give them every chance to rest and every chance to nurture their body through this illness.
All in the hopes that they will be able to step away from the brink of death someday.
