“I do not traffic in colloquialisms.”

kill the shift manager in your brain

you are not wasting time you are vibing. you are not being unproductive you are literally chilling. make a grill cheese with cheddar cheese and slather a piece of the bread with some honey and maybe you'll relax

this is, of course, where the tumblr revamp would always lead. Just in time for Pride month, the "Queerest Place on the Internet" is attempting to crack down on fags like us for self-identifying with slurs, rather than doing something beneficial like reducing the large ever present transphobe/terf population. Advertiser friendly is the name of the game and I'm sure in a few years this site will be identical to every other sterile neutered social media site available. Have fun while it lasts folks.

this comes right after they stole your joke too funnily enough (about.tumblr.com)

THEY MUGGED ME IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AND THEN SHOT ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD

We need kink at pride because “kink” isn’t just kink. “Kink” is:

No we don’t. Respect ppls boundaries. If respect isn’t normal anymore what will be normal then? Anything, no matter how it impacts or scars other peoples lives? Kink doesn’t belongs to pride.

Look around you. Do you see where “No Kink At Pride” has led? Being transgender is illegal now. Exactly what people said would happen. You know what’s going to be next? Being gay is going to be illegal. Because being gay is not “respecting straight people’s boundaries”. They don’t want to see you. They want to kill you.

In support of the OP, let me clue the reply poster in to some of how the worldview of conservative bigots works:

If you are trans you are a sex pervert

If you’re gay you’re a sex pervert.

If you’re the world’s most chaste and godly nun praying in a convent, who has a lesbian thought once while delirious from a fever, you are a sex pervert.

If you’re a family with a white picket fence house, a breadwinner, a stay-at-home parent, two cars, a dog, and whose politics are right wing… if you happen to be a same-sex couple, you’re sex perverts and probably pedophiles.

If you’re a closeted, self-hating, self-hurting, self-repressing queer going through every torturous form of conversion therapy, who condemns the other queers, who screams at the people who seek abortion help outside Planned Parenthood… you are a filthy, irredeemable sex pervert, a danger to children, and the most sympathy you deserve is transient pity if you admit to struggling.

There is nothing you can do, no behaviour you can engage in, no thought you can have, no clothes you can wear, no existence you can lead that is not an unacceptable sex perversion in the minds of these people. Your existence is kink, and you cannot appease them into thinking otherwise.

The bigoted conservative mind cannot conceive of queerness except as perversion, except as hedonistic degenerate thrill-seeking. They don’t know another reason to do any thing, except as an exercise of power over someone else. Their entire world revolves around this idea. Everything is power, everything is control.

Therefore you can never appease them. Your mere existence is to them a totalizing threat, to their worldview, to their sense of normalcy, to their positions of social power, to their patriarchy, to their holiness. The only thing you can do that will ever satisfy them is die.

Which leaves us with this:

Either we have solidarity with our queer siblings - yes including the ones you don’t understand, yes including the ones who have that weird sex that you think is fucked up, yes including the cringe annoying ones who “make the rest of us look bad,” yes including the fucked up problematic ones who need to change and make amends, but who deserve their human rights whether or not they ever do that.

Because to the bigot, to the conservative, you’re every bit as much of a pervert as Jenny Piss Kink and their polycule of submissive puppy-masked gender sluts. You throw your bricks when they come for Jenny, because when they come for the Piss Puppy Polycule, they’re coming for you too.

Yep, “Kink” is “those people over there who I don’t like.”

The people who expel the sadomasochists, if that’s who you mean (and if it is just say it, I’ve heard worse) are eventually going to expel you. It’s on the next page of the plan. The one you keep not reading because you want us gone too.

I’ll just keep saying it until it sinks in.

The Gays obliterated XKiljoy so fucking hard their name is just text now. No “Deactivated” no “Nothing is here” blog… just a memory of someone clueless and ignorant. 

“It’s all of us or none of us.” - @vaspider

MY MOLECULES HAVE STARTED TURNING PINK

AITA for trying to eat my landlord's fancy takeout?

So my [523 F] sisters [498 F/492 F]and I are fully stay-at-home, and our landlord [530 M] brings us most of our groceries. Now things have been tight recently and so we only have grocery runs about once a month, and last night was one of these. Our house has a pretty clearly delineated men's half and women's half, so when we saw the food [21M] in our rooms we assumed it had been left there for us. But then our landlord burst in with our groceries and started screaming and shouting and getting really violent about the idea that we would touch his special treat after he'd forbidden it and just carrying on and told us to get out (this was our room, keep in mind). And I guess I had known that he had ordered fancy takeout, but it wasn't like it was labeled or anything, and it's not like there wasn't plenty to go around. His reaction just seemed really uncalled for. AITA?

You are the assholes and you know it.

Hi, Landlord here [590 M] who thinks the story could use a little extra context. Like the fact that all three of the abovementioned tenants were fully aware that the food was not just a special treat, but THE Special Treat.

Which they knew. Because I told them about it repeatedly. I told them explicitly not to even look at this Special Treat until I was done with him.

If that seems hyperbolic, understand that he was an imported good I’d been waiting on for just the right occasion. We’re talking Wagyu beef levels of quality. I am currently following a time-honored preparation method of seasoning his psyche with assorted traumas for maximum flavor at the time of consumption.

And, shocker for the audience, I was always planning to share the Special Treat with these three bottomless pits who, I’ll note, do get fresh groceries from me--I bring in goddamn veal every couple weeks!--including the inciting date above. How would you react if you came home from the market with an armful of dinner only to find the people you told. Explicitly. Not to Touch the Special Treat Yet (emphasis on YET). About to jump and drink him dry before you even got a taste after all your hard work of priming and preparation?

It should also be mentioned that I have been fasting for ages while making sure my tenants are fed. I have to make the grocery trips because, as you can probably guess, they have the self control of mosquitoes at a blood drive and would inhale the whole countryside if I didn’t play caterer. 

Needless to say, yes, I blew up at them. 

And also yes, they still got their goddamn groceries while I went hungry again, because I was/am not finished with menacing the Special Treat to peak flavorful misery. 

All I wanted was to enjoy the art of perfecting the Special Treat’s torment for the rest of the prep time, get first taste, and then share it with my tenants. Though part of me is feeling almost petty enough to just box the Special Treat up with me and head out on holiday out of spite at this point. 

"Wagyu Beef" ugh you're SO pretentious. "All my food has to come from England now, boo hoo it all has to be properly ~~seasoned~~" meanwhile just tossing us the barest scraps

Don't let this guy fool you playing "oh poor me" just because he's on another of his stupid fad diets. He is the biggest teaboo I swear. AND he tries to make us help him practice his sentences for his big vacation WHICH I may add we are NOT invited on!

Oh yeah, he told us not to look at the Special Treat. That part's true. It's so true that we haven't been allowed out of our part of the house for two weeks! Well guess what genius - we didn't know what the Special Treat looked like! Wow, another one of your brilliant plans perfectly effected.

"I was always going to share" oh really? Were you? Because it sounded to me like backtracking once we caught you. "Oh don't worry babe you can have my leftovers after I leave the country." HOW EXTREMELY GENEROUS OF YOU.

But you know what? You're right, you're right. ITA for assuming you would do something nice for us for a change.

ETA: you know he hasn't even changed the draperies in here, like, ever? Everything's moth eaten and we don't even have curtains. But when he's got visitors suddenly it's the best of everything. He's been feeding that guy every day and we don't even get a nibble? And it's like this for everything. I hope he gets hit by one of those fancy English trains he's obsessed with

First, excuse the hell out of me for hitting on a hobby other than ‘ooh hoo hoo, I do nothing but eat and complain through the centuries!’ 

Second, you’re not idiots. Do you really expect me to believe that you couldn’t connect the dots between ‘Hey, stay away from the Special Treat’ and ‘Oh hey, look at this Special Treat-looking morsel! That was very clearly not hand-delivered to us like all our other groceries! Guess it’s completely unrelated and we shouldn’t wait to find out more before pouncing on it!’?

Third, WE HAVE BEEN SHARING THIS BUILDING FOR HALF A MILLENNIUM. I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF THE PARTS USED BY MYSELF AND/OR MY GUESTS/FUTURE MEALS THE ENTIRE TIME. ME. BY MYSELF. ONE GUY. Oh no, your rooms are looking dowdy and moth-eaten? Oh dear. Whyever could that be? It’s almost like the people who use them, exclusively, haven’t been doing shit to join in on the upkeep. You would think four (4) supernaturally endowed people un-living in the same castle could keep the whole thing looking nice through basic effort. You’d think! But no, apparently! It’s all down to one guy because the rest can’t be bothered!

Fourth, oh, I haven’t done anything nice for you for a change? Nothing?? Let me get out my little glass harmonica so I can play a sad song as grating as you sound. What part of You Get to Share the Special Treat (who could have been all just for me whether you saw him or not!) did you not hear? All I want--after starving myself, after preparing him to be something Special for Us--is the courtesy of getting the first draught from the finished product. That’s it. That is literally it. 

You three are the type of people who’d complain about a winemaker getting the first glass from his barrel. ffs

Fifth, and I can’t believe this needs repeating: You are complaining about ‘getting scraps’ (read: fresh local goods, like clockwork) when I have had. Literally. Nothing. For so long I can’t even say if it’s been months or years. Maybe act your age and grow some patience when it comes to appreciating (someone else’s) cuisine for once. 

But hey, it’ll all be moot in a month, won’t it? The whole greedy gaggle of you will get him once I’m done--IF I’m feeling forgiving, which is very much up in the air now--and I’ll be heading out to England, and then you’ll be free to let the rest of the castle fall to shambles and glut yourself on the neighbors to your hearts’ content. 

Try not to pick the Carpathians dry. 

...

Hi. Um. Special Treat [21 M] speaking. 

Can someone please send the authorities and a locksmith to Castle Dra

CONNECTION LOST

Telepathic aliens enjoy that humans will "play music" for hours at a time. When it's too mentally quiet on deck, they just announce the catchiest song titles they know and the humans will start thinking about it automatically.

The humans hate this so, so much.

Zorf: Human Steve, can you please play that song I like, the one with all the females

Steve: what

Zorf: A little bit of Monica in my life

Steve:

Steve: mother fu--

Get ready for ten years of nothing but the Piña Colada song.

but like, only the chorus. Over and over.

I’m so curious if during Wei Wuxian’s Yiling Patriarch era the people of Yiling could recognize him.

We know he went into town and was treated pretty normally. It could be that people didn’t know who he was, or they knew did and didn’t care, either of which would be incredibly funny:

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Patreon | Ko-Fi

Summertime - DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince

Victor Frankenstein: I’ve created life but I refuse to put any effort into helping that life develop. I won’t teach him, love him, or defend him even though I forced him into existence with a fully operational adult brain lol. Peace, bitch.

The Monster: Am Eloquent Baby

Boomers: He’S NOt thE ViCtIM, HE’s tHe MOnsTEr

An ironic parallel considering the idea of “tough love” parenting that plenty of boomers like to use. If they buy into the idea that their kids just have to toughen up and face the real world without guidance or emotional support, I’m sure it does scare them to read a story where someone who wasn’t given any support began to resent their creator and turn on them.

it’s like that post that’s like ‘knowledge is knowing that frankenstein is the doctor; wisdom is knowing that frankenstein is the monster’. like the whole point of the post is that frankenstein’s monster is a victim of viktor frankenstein’s own monstrosity.

mary shelley did not lose her virginity on her mother’s grave just for people to misunderstand her best known work over a century later.

BARBIE (2023) via @wbpictures_br