surviving until tears of the kingdom

If you like the word “queer” reblog.

#fun umbrella. we r all sitting under it like the big rainbow thing in elementary school gym class

Behold: the queer community

i think i'm just about ready to snap and start unhinged yelling about generational neglect in the queer community

young queers hate anyone that isn't young.

i wish it was more complex than that. it's always couched in some other argument of course, about how times have changed or how old people are inherently more conservative or how "outdated" language is "offensive", rich out of touch boomers etc, but it's just a distraction. new young people enter the queer community and want it all to be fresh and new and sexy, they want to be the trailblazers, the first generation really pushing back, the first true radicals. after all, if the previous generations had done it right, they'd have defeated bigotry and oppression, right? so they must have been fighting wrong. they must have been bad queers - sorry, bad LGBTQIA+'s. so they should shut up and let us kids fix it.!

of course there will be black and white photos of "elders" and a sort of performed reverence for "history" and us "always being here", but only as history, never as contemporaries, as members of our continuous community that we should actively listen to. the voices of those that came before are only revered once they're dead and they can't argue back at teenagers wildly misreading and rewriting their lives... or maybe even worse, the fresh queers might discover their revolutionary new praxis system has actually been done before!!

the excuse i hate most though?

"we lost a whole generation to AIDS"

i am so fucking sick of hearing this, absolutely sick to my stomach of it. because we didn't! i am not at all going to minimise how horrific the aids catastrophe was to our community or how many it killed, because i have heard first hand stories of people that lived through it, who lost friends and families to it.

but that's the point. they lived through it. many queers did! depending on where you are, most queers did!

we have a living, continuous, unbroken line of queers spanning back all of living memory who we could truly embrace as elders of a community, to care for and learn from, so that we don't have to stumble through alone, but we don't. a "queer elder" is someone like me apparently, 35. i keep having people in their early 20's tell me how thankful they are for my "wisdom", like bitch, there are 60-80 year old queers out there, ready to tell their stories! they will know a fuckton more than me, and all of it is still relevant!

when i was in my 20's, and i was lucky enough to learn from some of them at the rare events where they were welcomed; 50yo's setting up casual evenings for anyone and everyone to come and talk and share stories and learn from each other. i had a therapist once that was a grumpy old dyke that came out in the 70's, and while we often had friction in our opinions on mental health strategies, her experience was invaluable for me untangling a lot of internalized hatred and self loathing. it broke my heart one day when she just straight up said "people would rather pretend we'd all died from aids though, than have to listen to what we've got to say".

but even in the decade since then, it's got worse and worse.

everyone i know my age who once had an active and thriving social network in the queer community has withdrawn into isolation. we live in small pockets with few friends. there's no space left for us. all ages events and gatherings are organised for the fresh and young, and they complain if we're there - we being anyone who dares to be a little wrinkly and saggy. any event that has a minimum age, 30+, 40+, 50+ etc, get flooded with hate for being "exclusionary", or "hoarding resources" like community is a 4X game. teenagers complain about "creepy old predators" having picnics at midsumma carnival. people in their 60's are told to go kill themselves for daring to use the same language they did 40 years ago - ironically right in the middle of the aids crisis that supposed cost us all our elders. horizontal ageist violence in the queer community is some of the nastiest emotional vitriol i've seen, and i've been hate crimed (:(:

so we withdraw into eternal loneliness, looking for scraps, being told our names and flags and core identities are as hurtful as the weapons of the oppressors. told we should either ovverhaul our entire experience of being queer to fit in with what's acceptable in this 3-year cycle of new identities and symbols, or stfu and go away.

but there's this pervasive fear and hopelessness you see among young queers, talking about how high our suicide rates are, talking about losing a whole generation to aids; because when we're made invisible, what are the youth supposed to think other than that we've got an expiry date, and they won't live past 29?

the elders are here and they need love and support too, or the cycle will just repeat, and those fresh sexy young queers will also grow up and be discarded, again and again.

and i'm so, so tired of it.

the swiftness and cruelty with which younger queers will discard someone from the community is unfortunately not limited to queer elders.

there is a tendency to dispose of anyone who says a wrong thing, has a wrong kink, isn’t ideologically pure in the way the in-group is etc.

it is a sad way to be in community, if you can even call it a community, when everyone lives in fear of making a mistake and being ostracized as a “harm-doer”; and it is exactly what fascists and homophobes want—it serves their interests for us to eat our own.

so maybe think about that the next time you go to cancel a 50-year-old queer for calling herself a transsexual.

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

making up oc lore: fuck yes a little guy just for me

writing down oc lore: what the fuck

oh also

making up oc worldbuilding: this makes complete and utter sense and is really easy to understand! i cant wait to show my friends

showing your friend your worldbuilding: the flrimble is basically a type of zimzam but sort of different, its hard to explain

ball and cup gameplay no commentary

hopscotch all cutscenes

simon says bad ending

red rover datamined voice lines

overheard an old man talking about how he got a great deal on a bouquet of flowers and is excited to give them to his wife whose in the hospital rn because they'll make her "happier than a faggot in boytown". insane thing to say

I was helping an old man refill his prescription, and he was genuinely very sweet and polite, and as we finished the call he accidentally doesn't hang up and I hear his wife go "who was that?' and he says "his name was Michael. He was a nice young man. A little fruity, but very pleasant"

I howled and hung up the phone

yes hello i would like to emphasize this

disgust is not a moral issue

his dark materials will literally always work bc every small child wants an animal companion that loves you most and goes on adventures with you and every adult wants an animal companion that can shoulder some of life’s immense psychologically damage for you. and you can pet it

And to tear down the feeble corpse of God! Every kid and adult wants that also!

We need to oppress Christian’s

next time I meet jesus in the flesh I'm gonna play him my raddest playlist from start to finish and ask him his opinion

i think he would say something like this

pick one you bald genderless idiot

when the whole house got the autism

I don't think anything will ever validate me more then watching a group of literal brain and heart surgeons confidently walk into the conference room, only to have their leader sadly shuffle out to my office 15 minutes later and ask me to come help them with the projector.

Having a 52 year old heart surgeon say "you're not gonna be able to fix it Kait is the only one who can do it" is the modern day equivalent of being fed grapes on a fainting chair

Working in a hospital pharmacy and watching every single pharmacist mess with a printer, fax machine, or (most hilariously) Microsoft Word, and be unable to have it perform it's basic functions is very similar

blood “loss”? well it’s not lost. i know exactly where it went. right over there.

erm achtually

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Thats the last time i buy ‘official’ merch from etsy because who is this.

BARBIE (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig