Happy One piece Day !!! To celebrate i drew the whole crew and their favorite dishes ! I hope you like it
Take a screenshot to know which strawhat you have lunch with !
Do you ever have this thing where one of your friends starts texting you but you’re just not mentally in a good enough place to socialize but you text them back anyway because you feel guilty but as soon as you start texting them you regret it because you just can’t seem to be nice enough or answer properly and you know you’re probably hurting your friend because you’re being cold but you just can’t filter how bad you feel mentally so you just start ignoring their text because you don’t know what else to do?
“never confuse my capacity to see the good in people with being unable to see people for who they are. i’ll always give you the benefit of the doubt, but once you show me who you are and if it doesn’t match up with your intentions, i’ll create boundaries to protect my energy.”
— iambrillyant
Hello, friends!
It has been a long while since I have written a proper blog post, and I thought it would be helpful and somewhat therapeutic to write down all of the new year’s resolutions/goals that are floating around in my head. I hope by doing this that I will be more mindful of my choices, and that I will have some clear, constructive goals for myself to accomplish in 2019. For others reading, I think an important part of goal setting is being specific, which can be tricky. For example, I could say: “I want to make an A in my biology class.” Well, that is a good accomplishment to want, but the question is, how is that grade going to be earned? So while thinking of goals and other things I would like to accomplish, I like to consider the steps that I need to do in order to accomplish an overall bigger goal.
ACADEMIC GOALS:
1.) Study for my organic chemistry class for minimum one hour each day: Last semester, I did alright on most of my tests, and I usually studied like a madwoman 7-10 days before the exam. That sounds like a lot of time, and it is, but I determined that I think I would perform better on these exams if I did practice problems everyday, for this class consistency is key. Even if I did not have an intense study session, even reviewing reactions and doing a few Khan Academy videos for at least one hour would be of my benefit, and hopefully will ingrain the material into my head long-term. Overall if I do this, I hope to make a good grade in the class.
2.) Make Dean’s List: Dean’s List at my university requires a 3.5 GPA. I feel that this is very do-able, I am just nervous because organic is very tough for me and I feel that would be what prevents me to achieve this goal. I had a decent GPA last semester and would like to continue to see this upward trend.
3.) Get accepted to a REU/summer internship program: This goal isn’t as specific as the previous because the only “step” I have to take is to apply for programs. Most of these programs should be free to apply to, so I intend on applying for a bunch. My ideal timeline to have all of this done by would be before my first round of exams, before deadlines and also before the semester gets too stressful.
PERSONAL GOALS:
1.) Do more of what makes myself happy: This sounds really cheesy, trust me I know, but this is the #1 goal in my life I want to work on. I want to achieve this by first, saying no more often to doing things I do no want to do. I do not want to be overworked and exhausted all the time (part of the time I can deal with!). Secondly, I don’t want to hang out with people/do things I don’t want to do. Often I accept to do things with friends to appease them, and I don’t want to have to do that anymore.
I also really want to work on this because school has been very hard on my mental health. I have no clinical mental diagnoses, nor do I claim to, but I feel like I live two different lives when I am at school versus home. And I recognize that a lot of it is my fault because I do tend to be hard on myself, and I really struggle with that, even though I am self-aware of it. I want to enjoy the things I can enjoy being young and in college, because adulthood is ever approaching and I have realized I am not really my life to the fullest or happiest. I want to master being able to be healthily stressed while also being happy.
On a probably too personal note, I would also like to translate this into my dating/relationship life. I really don’t “put myself out there” and it kind of sucks?? I by no means need a relationship, but I haven’t dated in years, and I think it would be fun and perhaps even a small self-esteem boost. I haven’t gotten to enjoy that part of life yet, but it’s probably my fault because I’m not exactly the most brave when it comes to dating and relationships.
2.) SLEEP MORE: Yeah, I don’t sleep a lot during school. It’s bad. I get cranky. I cry. It makes life hard. I would ideally like to get 7-9 hours of a sleep each night. I love staying up late on the weekends, but I know should refrain staying up past midnight on weekends if at all possible. I need to take advantage of those hours as much as I can.
3.) Eat less fast food: LOL. I know this is funny but during my last two weeks of class I probably spent 50+ dollars each week on fast food which absolutely DISGUSTING! I cannot afford to do that and I have no reason I cannot bring prepared food to school. I felt like crap, gained a bunch of weight, and basically was a disaster.
Well, that’s all, folks. What are some of your new year’s resolutions or goals?! Comment below! Or feel free to give me any tips with mine (lol)
Best of luck to everyones endeavors in 2019!
xx
Vanessa
Sometimes you just need to hear how much you mean to someone. Stuff like that is so rare.
ihavehadnocourage-deactivated20
Again and again I am reminded that healing is not linear. I have days where I wake up feeling optimistic and I go to bed haunted by thoughts of not being enough, not doing enough and of being unlovable. I have to remind myself that it is one day at a time and some days are going to be harder than others. I have to remind myself to force self love upon myself to try to pull myself from the depressive episodes. I have to remind myself to speak out and voice my feelings. And then I’ll wake up the next day and feel a little stronger or I’ll wake up feeling empty and numb and either way, I’ll remind myself that healing is not linear.
I’ve put a lot into this, so I’m not going to leave just yet. But I’m not fighting for it anymore. If we drown, it’s because you pulled us under.
Poetry At Most
It hurts, ya know. Because you were my best friend, you were my favorite part of every day, for three years. You were my sun and my moon, you were every star in my stupid dipped pink sky. And it just doesn’t matter now. Isn’t that bizarre? You put your heart and soul into someone else’s hands and then it just ends and you have to take everything back. But you can’t take everything back. But you want to. But you don’t. And you can’t. That’s the worst part, you can’t. You make them the air that you breathe and then they’re gone and you have to keep breathing whatever toxicity is left behind, and it hurts. But no one is going to save you, because they can’t. And that’s the worst part too. You just want someone to take the hurt away for a minute, just a second, but they can’t. You have to keep living until the pain gets dull. You don’t want to because they were the best part of this life and now they aren’t here anymore and they don’t even care and you can hardly bear it. But you have to keep living anyways. And it hurts. Ya know? It hurts.
It hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts.
tookyou2weeks-deactivated202107
“I don’t miss you precisely. I miss having something to do on Friday nights, and someone’s arms to crawl into. I miss being a part of an us. And that’s an awful reason to hold on - being so afraid of being with yourself that you’ll give yourself to anyone else. We always hurt more than we healed and yet, I still find myself missing you. Loneliness takes us places that love doesn’t.”
— L.A.L. || Loneliness takes us places that love doesn’t
letthedarknessgo-deactivated201
Depression is when you look at your loved ones and feel overwhelmingly empty, and even though you know you love them to pieces, you still feel completely numb and nothing can change that
doesn’t study for finals so takes selfies instead~
psa: dont you hate when you never get the love and attention you deserve then your boyfriend gets annoyed when you ask for it¿
he looks at girls when i’m in front of him.
admiring strangers instead of his girlfriend.
never once called beautiful.
“your teeth are yellow, you have craters on your legs, you have hair on your forehead, i can see your mustache, and your mouth goes to the side”
“you’re annoying”
“you can stay bitter and have a shitty day i’ll be chillin wondering what i’m gonna do today”
.
.
.
he breaks my heart, self esteem, and my mentality
“if it’s toxic, let it breathe elsewhere. stop waiting for bad love to feel good again. stop waiting for bad love to taste sweet. empathy won’t change stone into gold. time won’t change poison into honey.”
- iambrillyant