i still miss you everyday

i chose to believe every word i was fed

and i thought the coals on my back were a

product of the lack you left

when you stepped back and racked your brain

for a reason to stay

but you could not seem to formulate any such

thought in your head

so you left with nothing more than a reason you

kept silent

and my mind would riot stuck in self

perpetuated mental violence and dreams kept

private

the amibition to fix this wish list of selfish misfit

realist missions

contained within a vision of wishful thinking

and sinking deep into a new bit of

misproportioned emotions

leaking through a seeping truth constructed by

my need to feel important

when you would look back and think of all the

little things you regret

i just wanted you think of me when you'd think

back to all the things you regret

i spent so much time convincing myself that

the rest of this mess that i stressed

within this relationship was a product of the

world's oppressions

not my deep desire to be needed

and it's hard to admit but i guess ive come to

terms with the fact that injust want to be

needed

and i convinced myself that i needed to be

needed

and if that was true i would still be smiling like

you still today, but for different reasons

i chose to dismiss the possible instance that

the lips i love to kiss could form the words

"good-bye"

and it was a simple lie, but i told it to you like

the captain of a sinking ship

choosing to believe the bottom of the ocean

was a better source of oxygen

it's so nice and i still chose to believe i

misinterpreted your dialect and everything you

said about it

your diction and dietribe, posture, body

language and connotations all pointed in the

same direction

the selection of contingent messages

postponed until further notice

because i was ashamed to admit the problem

and pretend your happiness came from me,

and that your happiness was important

but we aborted the sorted truths we once

distorted when i saw the shape of your dress

when you wore it

and that was enough until it wasn't

and that's when you finally felt supported

so the others courted you and you mentally

recorded and endorsed

the force perform of compliments you received

came in

and you felt empowered enough to take your

final bow

and find love within the arms of another instead

of this heart of mine

and that's fine because i would do the same

and i would leave me

not because im useless and not because im

broken

not because im sad and not because im

worthless

but because ibsaw value in your smile and not

in your values

and im sorry, and i love you

and that's why i can finally sleep at night

because you are free and you can thrive

and im just happy i got to be a part of your life

im just happy i got to be a part of the journey

that you call your life

and i finally feel fine 'cause i spent so long

trying to change you

not realizing, i was the one who needed to change

i was selfish to assume you loved me more than

you loved yourself

even though i never felt the same

and there's so many things that my selfishness

tried to take away

but you were the one that was the hardest to

watch walk away

but thank you for letting me be a part of

everything you were building and creating

and finding truth in life and you were relating so

much beauty

thank you for letting me be a part of your

journey

thank you for letting me be me

and thank you for setting me free

and showing me love

hotel books — nothing was the same