Every drink is a mixed drink to me except liquid nitrogen because that stuff really is just nitrogen
Today's surgery special sale is a procedure to resize your areolae so that their total combined surface area is the equivalent of one hundredth of the surface area of the heart of a great blessed cow that was ritually slaughtered to guarantee the virility of your own great great great great great grandfather, and this comes with bottomless mimosas and a super nourishing mango body butter
Whatever (explodes) (dies) (rides the hard leaking cock of god until he plants holy seed in my hungry womb) (immediately reappears in the fragrance section of a sephora) Ladies I need cologne for a baby shower
Came in for a parent teacher conference to discuss my beautiful baby son's "disturbing" proclivity for swallowing entire raw eggs and regurgitating the shell. And I said Mister Headmaster Sir, surely you're not implying that your school doesn't have the means to compost a couple eggshells. Surely you're environmentally friendly in this day and age. You are teaching my darling boy about the ecosystem and environmentalism and sustainability yes? And the headmaster said, "Sir please please I can't breathe your enormous snake is constricting me to death" and I really don't think you should be flirting with a parent like that so I think the school board is going to be hearing from me soon.
I've made a new special type of needle that actually turns whatever's in the syringe into hyaluronic acid and let me tell you my diabetic neighbor is rapidly declining in health but he is absolutely glowing
As your host don't even worry about it like I am soooo happy you're here like me and yourself and your cute little boyfriend can all pile into this slowly shrinking room and hold hands
MANY many many beautiful men in the world have such painstakingly flaccid personalities. But I will fix that
The best thing about be able to exchange oxygen through all of your mucous membranes and pores is you can really truly appreciate the muggy sexy sweating slinky sloppy sludgy slick sensual air. Humidity etc. Make you so glad to be alive. The second best thing is inhaling just secondhand smoke is enough to get you buzzed and shitting like a pony
Been heading to the bar at the Ritz-Carlton every tuesday night at exactly 10:23pm for the past two months, glittered up, gourmand fragrance, juicy fucking lipgloss, smokey kohl eyeliner, cigarette holder as long as your dads freakishly serpentine dick and almost as skinny, making eye contact with every visiting businessman in the room and changing the trajectory of their lives by infecting grown men's men with a tiny, poisonous seed of bicuriosity
Take a moment of your day to lay down flat on your back and feel your organs lay cozily around your cute spinal column
Permission to be vulnerable in this torture dungeon. Do you guys even like me
I have to apologise. It seems I wasn’t clear, and my words were misconstrued. 16000 of you have been led, like lambs, to the errant conclusion that I am a victim of some common torture dungeon together with the rest of you, and not the proprietor of my own, very successful and functional, torture dungeon. It’s vital for public relations that I clear this up. First- it’s my torture dungeon. It was a candid moment between myself and the men I have carved into new shapes. I had no idea this sentiment would resonate with so many. Second, I don’t know who tom or greg are, but they’re both welcome in my dungeon. By the response I have seen, it appears many of you are in torture dungeons of your own, and have been unsatisfied with the service. In mine? Not so. Your insecurities would melt away. You would gain several cool new tumours and mutations, that would make you likable, or at least noteworthy, to any peer group of social equals you might encounter. You would never need to ask again, ‘do you guys even like me’, for it would be understood. Or because you don’t have a mouth anymore. And I as your torturer would definitely like you. If only you would donate your healthy, youthful bodies to science. My science.
sannin ot3 disaster sitcom where tsunade kills orochimaru a different way every episode
We need to crowdfund a small fortune for a divorced midwestern man whose greatest and most cherished dream in life is to become a remote paypig for a beautiful brunette dominatrix from a coastal city
Cannot go out in public on account of the slavering masses entranced with my coquettish charm and court summons
A father in an orgy is like a pistachio atop baklava. And the world is like a enormous slutty, crusty, probiotic gusher
They're accusing me of radicalizing impressionable young men but I can't seem to steer clear of the damn things. They're like baby birds imprinting on my ethereal and neurodivergent beauty