one day i want to be loved as much as high fantasy video game environment designers love putting columnar basalt literally everywhere.

plain rock surface: [exists]

environment artist: HHHHNNNNG HEXAGONS

me carrying my little dog to the front door swaddled in my arms like a baby, because he has to pee before bed but refuses to walk outside while its raining so i have to drop him gently into the grass, bouncing him a little as i walk and chanting in a singsong voice: you smell like chicken soup! yes you do! yes you do. who’s my little chicken soup dog? who is he? who is the dog who smells like chicken soup

my dog, fully uncomprehending but nonetheless resigned to his fate: 

they’re annaki/kensa rep 

I didn’t know how to deal with this besides just post it here

Trans people can do anything :)

I’M GONNA DO ARSON!

trans people can do arson

[x]

today i asked my class to come up with a pair of terms that share a denotative meaning but whose connotative meanings differ and one student offered BUTT DIAL and BOOTY CALL anyway that student’s the professor now

Dirty talk but you both use your customer service voice

Thanks I hate it

partner: *cums*

me: great! will you be needing anything else today?

Customer service but you use your dirty talk voice

You’re a nasty little bitch aren’t you? Trying to return these shoes after 30 days.

Jeezus fuckin Christ

this headline has no business being this funny

neither does this one

porn can truly change the world

great, now i have to buy this godforsaken game

The dean of students took the wheels from my heelys I feel like Lucifer stripped of his wings

I have to walk down the hallways like a common wench and I’m LIVID

this is 100x more tragic than the story of icarus, fight me

one time the math teacher stopped me in the halls and said “hey! no skateboarding inside!” so i stopped and then he was like “wait, where’d the skateboard go” and i started heelying and he looked really surprised for a second and just said “look, i’m not sure if thats against the rules or not, so i wont stop you. but if it turns out that it is against the rules, i didn’t not stop you.”

i’m so glad i grew bored of 4chan in the mid-2000s.

Thanks for the overwhelming support ladies.

i feel bad for regular night vale citizens who turn on the radio and some guy’s just talking about how great his crush/boyfriend/husband is.

[vine voice] can i get the news? CAN I PLEASE GET THE NEWS?

cecil: for those of you who have been writing in telling me to ‘not talk about my husband all the time’ and to focus on the ‘news’ i would like to express my confusion. you don’t seem to understand that the most worthwhile ‘news’ in this town is my husband. 

OP WHO’S “WE” ?? WHO THE FUCK IS “WE”? OP???

absolutely nothing in a video game has set a tone as well as asgore smashing the mercy button at the start of his fight and thats just a fucking fact 

p5 where everything is the same expect akira is a masochist

you can blame @hockeypuckeater​ for this

Girl sleepovers

I remember it well.

Me, very loudly, while sticking my neck out: Gosh, I hope no vampires bite me. That’d suck. Being bitten by a vampire, that is. Boy, I sure do hope there are no vampires waiting to come out and bite me while my neck is so open and exposed like this. I’d sure hate to have that happen. 

Do you want to *be* a vampire or are you so touch starved you need a creature of the night to mouth fuck your neck

Yes.