Insomnia from chronic pain wasn’t something I was prepared for
Nor was dopamine doping to avoid sleep bc what if tomorrow’s pain is worse…
This illness just illuminates physically everything I’ve hidden emotionally
Helpful for growth? Yes 10/10 changes you
In almost every other aspect? 0/10 makes you long to transition worlds
I’ve gone from living on the high of hope and vapid pride post op
To resenting the surgery. At times even saying I’d preferred to die happy and fat if I knew I was going to suffer like this
To what feels like frustration and grief because my life never had to be like any of this…
I’m not mad at myself anymore
Forgiveness just takes time
