My man Jesus

What story is that?

Matthew 18:9

“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.”

“Jesus, how can I avoid sin when all these hussies keep revealing the fact that they have bodies?!”

“Hmmm, tough call bro. Have you tried gouging out your eyes so you don’t have to see all those bodies anymore?”

“wut”

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you tell them to… stop dressing like that or something?”

“Don’t see why. It’s not their fault that the fact that they have bodies makes you a fucking sinful horndog. Gotta fix that problem yourself, buddy. Go on, blind yourself.”

“Uh….”

“Or learn to keep it in your g’damn pants no matter what they’re wearing.”

He goes on for like several examples too.

“How can I avoid like, an accidental slip of the hand when…they’re dressin like that?”

“Cut it off.”

“wut”

“Cut it off. Your hand. If it’s a problem, stop having a hand.”

“wut”

“What”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

And this is why I will reach apocalyptic levels of rage when people comment on a girl’s bra straps, when people say she was asking for it when wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and all the other bullshit men come up with.

Rich people telling poor people to donate money to other poor people has got to be the most disrespectful and condescending shit on the planet

From Seth Tobocman and Tamara Wyndham.

Washoe was a chimp who was taught sign language.

One of Washoe’s caretakers was pregnant and missed work for many weeks after she miscarried. Roger Fouts recounts the following situation:

“People who should be there for her and aren’t are often given the cold shoulder—her way of informing them that she’s miffed at them. Washoe greeted Kat [the caretaker] in just this way when she finally returned to work with the chimps. Kat made her apologies to Washoe, then decided to tell her the truth, signing “MY BABY DIED.” Washoe stared at her, then looked down. She finally peered into Kat’s eyes again and carefully signed “CRY”, touching her cheek and drawing her finger down the path a tear would make on a human (Chimpanzees don’t shed tears). Kat later remarked that one sign told her more about Washoe and her mental capabilities than all her longer, grammatically perfect sentences.“ [23]

Washoe herself lost two children; one baby died shortly after birth of a heart defect, the other baby, Sequoyah, died of a staph infection at two months of age.

more about Washoe:

after the death of her children, researchers were determined to have Washoe raise a baby and brought in a ten month chimpanzee named Loulis. one of the caretakers went to Washoe’s enclosure and signed “i have a baby for you.” Washoe became incredibly excited, yelling and swaying from side to side, signing “baby” over and over again. then she signed “my baby.”

the caretaker came back with Loulis, and Washoe’s excitement disappeared entirely. she refused to pick Loulis up, instead signing “baby” apathetically; it was clear that the baby she thought she was getting was going to be Sequoyah. eventually Washoe did approach Loulis, and by the next day the two had bonded and from then on she was utterly devoted to him.

*information shamelessly paraphrased from When Elephants Weep by Jeffrey Masson.

Even more interestingly, after Washoe and Loulis bonded, she started teaching him American Sign Language the same way that human parents teach their children language. It only took Loulis eight days to learn his first sign from Washoe, and aside from the seven that his human handlers learned around him, he learned to speak in ASL just as fluently as Washoe and was able to communicate with humans in the same way she could.

now if y'all don’t think this is the tightest shit you can get outta my face

Sperm whale mimics a spinning diver.

Humans: *encounters Earth’s Largest Carnivore, who would could swallow them whole, probably*

Human: … Spin?

Earth’s largest carnivore, with a brain that weighs almost as much as this naked beach ape*: SPIN!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN SPERM WHALES ARE CARNIVORES

I THOUGHT THEY ATE KRILL AND STUFF LIKE OTHER WHALES

Nope! Sperm whales eat extremely large deep-sea squids, like the Giant and Colossal Squids. They have also been known to opportunistically eat dead whales, sharks, and seals, but not actively hunt them. They got real big teeth for it too:

However, they only have teeth on thier bottom jaw!  they have corresponding holes in their top jaw for the teeth to lock into, which makes hanging onto a slippery, boneless squid:

It should be noted that the human here isn’t in particular danger of being eaten on purpose, but an accidental swing of it’s multi-ton head, a clip from the teeth, or being directly in the line of it’s sonar could seriously injure or kill them- Divers that have been in the direct line of echolocation for a sperm whale calf have described being hit with the soundwave like “being kicked by a horse” and some have suffered internal organ damage.  Sperm whales, like other large whales, aren’t particularly aggressive towards humans, but they are still very large wild animals who behave in unpredictable ways.

I know that in US waters, it’s illegal to intentionally come within 300 yards of any whale or dolphin, and if one appears closer you should turn off your engine or stop paddling to avoid accidental injury to you or it.  This human is doing something dangerous and ill-advised, but it’s still hopeful that we can love something like a 130,000 lb deep-diving, squid-eating Oceanic former ungulate.

Im.sorry I’ve lived my entire life not realizing that echolocation could possibly be felt and I have to come to terms with the fact that whales have sonic attacks

So, with the death of another BLM activist, I think it’s really important to stop photographing and videotaping people doing activism. Like I know it feels really good for morale to watch a comrade snatch a confederate flag or punch a Nazi, but this documentation actively puts these people in danger, especially if they aren’t masked up and their names are everywhere.

there at multiple BLM (and other) activists that had to go into hiding after Cville because videos of them have gone viral, to the point of even their families not being able to get in contact with them. Even if you’re on the same side and you’re doing it for the “good guys”, just don’t. Don’t video faces, don’t ask for names at actions, don’t say names out loud to your friends. You don’t know who is listening.

Our morale building propaganda, is their evidence. These videos are the reason charges are brought against folks in Cville and these videos are why people are getting killed. Learn to use the word “unidentified” when talking about someone doing anything action related in any sort of media. I know a lot of us want to give credit where credit is due, but in these cases it puts these brave people at risk.

do you ever just passionately miss the first series of doctor who but not just because you miss Nine but because you miss the monsters and the simple story lines that were new and so interesting and the companions that didn’t need a magic back story to be special and weren’t just a new puzzle for the doctor to solve they were just ordinary people with ordinary lives and taught (especially the young viewers) that anyone can be a hero i just really miss series one okay

wish i didn’t have neighbors so I could lay outside on the grass with my titties out like god intended

one of the most fascinating youtube subcultures imo is the MRE taste testing community…like those folks who get their hands on military ready to eat meals and do unboxings and taste tests of them? because usually theyre perfectly normal and just interested in testing what militaries around the world eat right now. but some of these folks go the extra mile. they go so hard they threaten to destroy themselves with their own hubris. some of these people are flying towards the sun at alarming rates and are going to not only melt their wings but also their 100 year old preserved foods, causing them to plummet to their deaths, their corpses reduced to stewing in the seawater mixed with the remains of the WWII soviet pea soup they brought with them. im watching a dude eat meat from a 1902 british military ration right now. my dude is deadass out here calmly trying to become the last casualty of the fucking second boer war. as an archivist and general antiques lover ive put my hands on some horrifyingly old and dirty things but the idea of ingesting legitimate american civil war hardtack makes me want to get my stomach surgically removed and i am just so FASCINATED by these people who see these military antiques and think “nice, there’s lunch right there”

“the smell is just awful” SIR you are BOILING cow meat that predates the FIRST WORLD WAR you are boiling beef from a cow that existed at the same time as ELIZABETH CADY STANTON sir this can of beef was canned during the fucking DREYFUS AFFAIR what pray tell WHAT did you EXPECT from this TURN OF THE CENTURY CAN OF MEAT

my dude is deadass out here calmly trying to become the last casualty of the fucking second boer war.

i’m dying

Kit Kats are made of Kit Kats. 

The manufacturers leave no Kit Kat uneaten, so every reject is mashed into a paste that’s used to fill the wafers. Because every imperfect Kit Kat was already filled with other imperfect Kit Kats, and some of the Kit Kats they’ll fill will also be rejected, every time you eat a Kit Kat, you’re basically eating layers of Kit Kats within Kit Kats within Kit Kats. 

(Source, Source 2)

free soup

you’re going to be so, so cursed.

@dovewithscales

Probably just dysentery.

Very good for scrying though.

I used to “cook” in these as a child

I have an intense desire to throw more leaves in and stir it with a stick

Booster Gold #12

Hot damn Alfred

So this implies that if Batman dies, Alfred Pennyworth is going to shoot every supervillain in Gotham twice

Part of his background was being a spy, so he will likely nail each of them when they least expect it.  

Plot twist: Batman is the one holding Alfred back

Hot take: Batman can survive in Gotham on a no-killing principle through repeated fights with villains who have no such scruples because they all know that if they kill the Batman his butler is going to assassinate every last one of them with a shotgun.

I want to write this.

I’d read it

Contact Your Representative and Tell Them To Fight Against Trump’s Camps

Additionally, if you can see if you can donate money to these organizations

It’s fucking Auschwitz and nobody but latinos seem to give a shit. I hate this

In 1926, Poland sent the US a birthday card with over 5 million signatures. 

Polish citizen Leopold Kotnowski visited the White House to present the card for America’s 150th birthday. It has 30,000 pages full of art, photos, poems and pressed flowers. Volumes 14-110 were digitized by the Library of Congress, and some are available online. 

(Source, Source 2, Source 3)

Big Dave. One of the good ones. 

guys batista is honestly one of the greatest human beings alive ude

Dave Bautista cried when he got the role of Drax in GotG and then threw himself into acting classes to prepare.

I love him 

Just wanted to add a more recent awesome post of his.

always hoped he was awesome when I watched him as a wrestler and fuck am i happy that he is!

Link / Link

@ourpoetryishaunted

She (NSF....W)

She wakes up. Same as every day. Her boyfriend laying next to her. Asleep and comfortable and warm under their comforter. The alarm blaring in her ears. She turns it off and slips out of bed. Heading for the shower. First thing every morning, gotta shower. When she gets in the shower she leaves the door open. The vent fan always feels too loud and the hot humid air will do the temp good. Winter sucks and working early in winter sucks worse.

She bathes, rinses her hair and hears the shower curtain open and close. “That you?” She asks. “Of course. Who else would it be?” Her boyfriend replies. “Good point.” She says. With her head tilted back to rinse her long hair her whole body is arched and exposed. She doesn’t change position when he takes hold of her waist. She stands and feels him sliding his hands around her soft wet skin. One hand stays on her hip. The other travels around slowly to her backside. Firmly, gently, taking hold of her right butt cheek. She hears him make a sound. Like a growling hum. Something about it makes her tingle down her arms and chest. She feels her nipples get hard and the thought of him watching them do so makes her feel suddenly coy.

His other hand makes the same journey as the first. She feels him step closer. And feels his mouth make contact with her neck. “God he knows exactly what he is doing.” She thinks to herself as shots of electric pleasure shoot from neck to thighs. Gracing everywhere in between with goosebumps. She feels his kisses and gently bites travel all around her neck and shoulders as she finally leans froward again. Taking hold of his back and shoulder she leans in to kiss his body as he kisses hers. As his lips meet the outer most reaches of her shoulder she turns her head and catches the lobe of his ear. She gently sucks it for a moment before licking the outer rim. She hears him sigh around a mouthful of shoulder, which in turn he bites down on before turning his head to kiss her. Neither of them much care about morning breath at this point but he took the care to have done something to make his mouth taste like sweet mint before striding into the shower with her.

She kisses him just as passionately as he kisses her. Short quick pecks turning into longer drawn out ones as if each time they pull away from a kiss they can’t stand to do it so soon. His lips are soft and his hands are on her back now. She barely notices as she slides her own up his neck to cup where his jawline and neck meet. His arms pull her closer until she feels his hardness slide between her legs. Just the feeling of it sends tingles of pleasure all the way up her back. Forcing her to let out a short soft moan. “Fuck, I love that sound.” He whispers as he presses his hips to hers. His cock slides over her wet clit, and through her lips, parting them as it passes by her aching cunt. Not penetrating her, just letting her feel him throb for her for a moment as he looks into her eyes. “I’d love to hear that sound all day.” He says. Breathing heavily and kissing her for a short while before he eases away. “But you have work.”

She can feel, in spite of the water still washing down her body, how wet he has made her. She can feel her body wanting his. She wants him. She can feel the pull like metal to a magnet. She sees him wanting her just as much. It’s plain on his face. She can see, just a little enjoyment of having tormented her cross his face. “Yeah. Right. Work.” She breathes. Recovering as quickly as she can from this sexual frustration, she turns around to rinse her face. Hoping to rinse the desperate want from her features before the day really starts. “Well if there is anything I can do for you before I get out and get ready..” She nonchalantly says.

 She didn’t feel him step forward again. “Share the water?” He asks and presses against her. Pushing her forward through the stream as one hand holds her hips and the other her unkissed shoulder. The force of his push makes her put her hands out in front of her. They plant on the cold tile in front of her. At the same time he has pulled her hips back and pushed the rest of her slightly lower. “Whoa!” She says without meaning to. He laughs just a little. “Don’t worry. I wont let your beautiful body hit those tiles unless you ask to. I remember how cold they can be.”

“Now.. Do you really have to go to work?” He says in a pleading tone. As if he wasn’t in complete control over her body at the moment. As he says this he slides his cock all along her pussy. She can feel herself ache even more for him. She can feel how badly she wants to grind herself all the way down over him. He probably can feel it too with how much she is shaking with control. And how her sex’s muscles twitched with anticipation. He slowly slid himself over her again and again. Sometimes letting the tip of his head press against her core, almost entering her before he changed the angle and slid again against the rest of her. Each time letting his corona slide over her clit. She lost herself in the feeling for a while. Not able to think but trying to. 

He slid his tip against her hole pressing as if to enter. Again and again he pressed and withdrew. Pressed. And withdrew. “So… Work?” He said playfully. “I can’t think about anything with you doing that.” She sighed breathlessly. Except she did. The water was cooling down. She turned it off. He let go of her shoulder and reached around to use his hand to play with her clit. She gasped a little. “Do you want me to stop or do you want to call in?” He asked. His one hand playing with her clit he slid the other up to cup her breast as his cock still tortured her with its request to slide deep deep inside her dripping canal. “I’ll call in!” She half yelled, half moaned. “Do you want me inside you?” He asked. More torture. She could hear the smile in his voice. She couldn’t help but breath hard at all of this pleasure he gave her. She could barely think. She tried to slide her hips back to press him in herself but he just rocked his hips away. She groaned. He wasn’t going to let her have it without her saying so. His hand on her breast went to realign himself to her. Still he played with her clit. Never ceasing his pleasuring. 

“Do you want it?”

“Yes!”

“Tell me.”

She could barely think but somehow words formed at this demand for confirmation. “Please. I want it so bad. I want to feel you cock slide into my wet pussy. I want you to feel me deep inside when you make me cum! I want to feel you fuck me over the edge. I want to feel you inside me!” She half yelled half moaned as he edged her closer to the brink of her ever building orgasm. 

She expected him to slide in then and there but instead he leaned over her and with all the passion in the world kissed, licked and bit her neck and shoulders. She rocked her hips in agitation. His hands traveled with her clit. She felt his shaft against her lips and practically bucked him in frustration. He found a spot where her neck and shoulder meet and latched onto it, making her moan; as his hardness, covered in her essence, finally.. FINALLY, slides home.

Excuse me....

WHERE IS THE REST?!?!!?

Excerpt from this Washington Post story:

That’s hot

Awesome effect!

Well that’s just fuckin neat!

ok can we agree that the WORST feeling is when you’re just sitting around consciously procrastinating and you’re just overly aware that each second that passes is more time wasted and you like watch hours pass and you’re STILL procrastinating and you CANT STOP and your panicked brain is trapped inside a body that refuses to be productive and inside you’re screaming but outwardly you’re just eating chips 

that’s not procrastination that’s executive disfunction

oh