reasons why you should date me:

-I'm single -I have a hot bod -I will most likely like you a lot -free meals (and by that I mean pizza) -wifi

I want a relationship like jake and addy from unfabulous

me when I accomplish something amazing and no one believes me

dear white people on vine,

you aren't black

*uses bathroom and brings phone remains on toilet for three days

probably one of y favorite textposts of all time

I find it completely strange how I have never pooped in a school bathroom. And not even like I chose not to, it just never happened.

"I would never date her, she's so ugly"-says ugliest guy ever

me: I regret taking this class teacher: this is homeroom

People: "I lose respect for people when they do bad things" Me: I lose respect for people when they continually ask me to play FarmVille with them

*drops phone on carpet completely shatters to a million pieces and is unusable *drops phone on cement sidewalk from 11 story building phone has one slight crack on front of screen

*listens to song for 2 hours

when I make an accomplishment

Literally, I'm watching tv and my sister gets up an starts being really loud so I take the remote and try muting her. Like what.

me listening to your bullshit

when you see the bitch you hate get in trouble

I don't believe in creatures like the Bigfoot but if I were to see one in the woods, I would shit myself

hey I dare you to be my boyfriend