My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god

Holy shit! This is a real building in Bulgaria?

The Avengers

Last night was the International Premier for the Avengers movie and I was lucky enough to get tickets the day of. I went in hoping it would turn out great like all the other recent Marvel movies (not including Ghost Rider) yet still fearing it might turn out to be another over-produced piece of shit like Green Lantern. I am so glad to report that this movie did not disappoint. Since you imperialist Americans don't get to see this movie for another week, I'll refrain from mentioning any spoilers and intead I'll just do a list of what I personally found to be some of the pros and cons. PRO: 1. They actually made a bit of an attempt at character development with Captain America, Iron Man and The Hulk. Captain America is still trying to acclimate himself to life in the 21st century. As if it wasn't hard enough trying to get used to this new technologically advanced world, now he has to get used to being arround giant green monsters, robot men and gods too. Throughout the movie the Captain is basically trying to keep up with Iron Man, Thor and the rest and not doing that good a job of it. What good is being an enhanced human when you have a thunder god next you? It is during the final battle when all hell brakes loose that Captain America finally realizes what his role is: Leader. To us these may be superhumans fighting an alien invasion, but to him they are soldiers in the middle of a battlefield, the one setting that he's most familiar with even in this strange new world. While the heroes do a good job of killing a few enemy soldiers, they don't actually start getting shit done until Captain America starts assigning them individual tasks during the fight. Once he started leading them, that's when they became a team. Supposedly there are 2 deleted scenes where he tries to get used to modern life and then visits his old girlfriend that will be included in the additional 30 minutes of the DVD. I wish they had left these scenes in the theatrical cut but then the movie would have had a 3 hour run time and this ain't Lord of The Rings. Iron Man...well, he's Iron Man. He's still a selfish wise-ass who refuses to play with others and depends too much on his suit. They actually point this out to him directly during one of the conversations and it actually gets him thinking. This leads him to do something incredibly selfless near the end which shows growth. This with the fact that he listened to captain America during the final battle without question made me actually like him more than I did in his own movies. The Hulk ended up being the most memorable character in this movie. Bruce Banner has learnd to control him to some degree and even reveals something he tried to do before the movie started that seemed very human to me. I won't say what it is but I think any person in his position would have at least considered it at some point. During the final battle Captain America lets the Hulk be himself and he just starts kicking ass. Seriously, Hulk was awesome. Great fight scenes, the most memorable moments near the end and he even made you laugh. Also, I heard a lot of people complain(bitch) that they wanted Edward Norton back as Bruce Banner. Mark Ruffalo did a great job at portraying Bruce Banner as a shy, rational, socially awkward scientist which perfectly contrasts the out of control, destructive force of nature that is the Hulk. Hopefully you'll all see that. 2. Even though these movies are based on The Ultimates and not the original Avengers, I like that it was through Loki's actions that they came together, just like in the original comics. They even kept in how Loki manipulated the Hulk (to some degree). And speaking of Loki, they really let his personality shine through a lot more than in Thor. They did a good job of displaying his sense of superiority over humans, but I still wish they showed more of the trickster aspect. I mean, he is the trickster god. 3. The action scenes were all memorable. Captain America & Iron Man vs Thor, Thor vs Hulk, The S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier attack, the final battle at the end. All of these individual scenes manage to stand out on their own and at no point feel repetitive. And I'm really not much of an action guy to be honest. 4. Of course, I'm not gonna mention the ending but they do show who the villain of the next movie's gonna be. And when they showed who it was I just about jizzed in my pants. It happens to be my favorite comic book villain and it opens the door for an even grander story in part 2. 5. The introduction of Maria Hill was something I'm glad they finally did. Hopefully she'll show up in future Marvel films. This is quite likely considering the events that transpire with my least favorite character/S.H.I.E.LD. agent in the recent Marvel movies. You'll see. CON: 1. I didn't like Hawkeye too much to be honest. I love Hawkeye in the comics but here...meh! He had almost no personality to speak of, which sucks because the character is actually supposed to be quite charismatic. I kept waiting for him to actually get interesting but it never happened. He was great during the action scenes but he never did much to stand out in my mind. To the casual movie goer he might come off as just another S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who went with the heroes to get a shot at Loki. But for us comic book fans, this character is actually quite lacking. 2. The one-liners, good lord the one-liners! Too many one-liners throughout the whole damn film. I'll admit that some are pretty funny and somewhat memorable, but they felt like they took up a good portion of the dialogue. I got sick of them real fast and was on the verge of cringing at the thought of another one coming up. 3. I have to wait around 2 more years for a sequel. DAMN YOU MARVEL! YOU GAVE ME BUT A TASTE! So that's basically what I liked and didn't like about The Avengers. I really want to go into more detail and talk about the whole thing, but there are too many people who won't get to see it for another week. Overall score: 9 (maybe 9.5) out of 10

I don't even need context. My money's on Batman.

Oscar Wilde

CM Punk

Pi Day

Happy Pi Day!

This is one of the many non-holidays (that should be fucking holidays) that I love celebrating every year!

March 14 (3.14) is the day I get to celebrate my favorite food in the whole world: Pie!

Sadly, this year I'll have to make due with an apple turn-over from McDonald's as a crappy new work schedule has managed to cock up an otherwise great day. 

Here's to you pie! You can do no wrong.

And while we're on the subject of March 14: Happy Birthday Albert Einstein!

The Simpsons "Game of Thrones" opening. Officially my new favorite Simpsons couch gag. Fuck I can't wait for the new season of GoT.

Jurassic Park and Atheism

I've been reading a lot of books about Atheism recently where famous Atheists such as Penn Jillette, Richard Dawkins, Emery Emery, Catie Wilkins and others talk about the moment (or events leading up to it) when they lost their faith.

I've been an Atheist ever since I was 10 years old. To the best of my knowledge, there wasn't some big realization or event that caused me to stop believeing in God. For me it was more of a gradual process over several years of questioning "facts" and searching deep within myself that brought on the eventual realization that the whole idea of an omnipotent, omniscient being having created the universe just didn't make any sense to me.

I attended Catholic school for 12 years of my life (this may or may not have helped steer me in the path towards non-belief). From the first grade until I graduated high school, I attended a school that was run by nuns. And while I must admit that those sisters actually did a fine job of imparting a first rate education, I must almost admit that any and all rumors you may heard about nuns being a bunch of mean bitches is 100% accurate. Seriously, I've seen nuns hit kids with rulers so hard they started bleeding.

But simply having gone to Catholic school for so long wasn't what caused me to stop believing in God. As I read all these stories about how the previously mentioned Atheists lost their faith, I started trying to remember when exactly was the first moment that I started to question God's existence. Sure, I have a lot of reasons for not believing anymore, but for the life of me I couldn't remember the exact moment when I started questioning everything.

And then, after several days of driving myself crazy, it finally came to me:

When I was a kid I fucking loved dinosaurs. It's kind of funny, now that I think about it, that I grew up believing the Bible AND loving dinosaurs but was completely unaware that the two don't mix. Anyway, when I saw the commercial for Jurassic Park I begged my mom to take me to go see it. It didn't really take any convincing or crying on my part since she wanted to see it too. I mean, remember how good those dinosaurs looked? Those effects still hold up. So we went to see it the very next day and I was mesmerized by it. I walked out of the theater blown away and somewhat scared shitless of velociraptors.

Thanks to that movie I learned about several types of dinosaurs I had never even heard of. I learned about the existence of velociraptors and just how fucking smart they were. The scene where they're opening the kitchen door blew my mind. But the most important bit of information that I learned from this movie (that would lead me to question the Bible the following year) was that dinosaurs existed 65,000,000 years ago.

The year after I watched Jurassic Park I had en exam in my Catechism class that asked the following question:

How old is the Earth?

Now, being only 10 years old, I had no clue as to the exact age of planet. I figured that since dinosaurs existed 65,000,000 years ago, if I put that number down as my answer I would at least be in the ballpark. Wrong!

I got the exam back the next class and the teacher/nun had marked my answer wrong. This didn't really suprise me as I was just trying to get as close as I could to the correct answer. What did surprise me was the answer she wrote as the "correct" one on the board:

6000

"What?" How could that be right? How could the Earth only be 6000 years old if dinosaurs existed 65,000,000 years ago? Something wasn't right. My mom bought me a bunch of books about dinosaurs and they all said sixty five million years. It might have been because I was so young but I honestly chose to believe that Jurassic Park was right. For the first time in my life, I honestly believed that the Bible was wrong about something.

That was what opened the flood-gates. From then on I started questioning everything and by the time I got to junior high there was no room for God in my life. I came to think of God as just another version of Santa Claus: Just something you believe in until you grow smart enough to realize it's all make-believe.

It was one random, cold winter day that my mom took me to the mall and bought my Christmas presents right in front of me that made me realize Santa wasn't real. It was one random, hot summer day that my mom took me to the movies to watch Jurassic Park.

Celebrating Leap Year by playing Secret of Mana for the first time.