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almost always improvising

@opalescent-potato / opalescent-potato.tumblr.com

them / 30s / queerio, lads / canadian prairies

Tell your friends you love them. An internet and sometimes irl friend (when we lived in the same state) passed away and his parents found my address from a holiday card. They printed out and sent me his obituary in the mail.

I’m going to blaze this post, it’s important. Tell your friends you love them, tell them how much they mean to you. Don’t wait until you’re staring at their obituary to wonder if they knew.

I have multiple friends dealing with serious business potentially fatal illnesses right now. I've also had a few friends die suddenly with no chance to tell them, hey, you rock, no matter how completely fucking wrong you are about the right way to eat Weetabix (and, you know, I can't believe that was our last interaction).

So, yeah. Tell your friends they are awesome.

(Friends. You are awesome.)

(Just a CYA one. Please do not drop dead or get hit by a bus or anything until such a time as I have had a chance to give you individual "you RULE"s.)

I'm gonna add to this, if you hang out IRL, go ahead and take selfies together, even if it seems weird.

The last time Kate and I hung out, we took pics of our kids playing, but didn't take a selfie together. We talked about it, but got distracted and later I texted her "Next time!" But there wasn't a next time.

Take the selfie, even if you're having a bad hair day, or the lighting is bad or whatever.

really this calendar bit of 17776 like. one of the best openings of any scifi story i have read. feeling emotions about ut.

[ID: A screenshot from 17776. The top half shows a text box with green text. It says; "Nine. I am so sorry. I can only transmit short messages. I need to preserve power and so do you. Listen very carefully. It takes 217 days for my message to reach you, and it takes another 217 for your response to reach me. Call me Ten in your message so that I know you're responding to me. More will follow. I love you so much." The second half is a response, a text box with red text. It says; "You said to call you Ten. Who are you? Why does it take so long? I don't understand what is going on. I don't know who I am or where I am. I'm all by myself. Who are you? I love you too." The background is a red pattern. end ID]

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opens box that reads "i wanna draw again". inside lies a note. the note says, "mental illness and difficult circumstances have taken years of interest, accessibility, and skill away from me. i want to forgive myself for that. i want to heal my relationship to my hobbies. i want to feel connected to something that once made me feel good, but the cyclic discouragement is difficult to overcome." i turn over the note. on the back it reads "wannta drawe sexy bodies awooga"

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seems like this one really resonated with the artists who dont do art fandom

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A thing that bothers me about wizard schools in popular media – outside of the magic-grade-school stuff, anyway – is that they're typically depicted as being basically magic universities, but their actual curricula and pedagogical approaches look much more like those of a technical institution. Like, buddy, that's not a wizard university, that's a wizard trade school. You can't just slap university student culture on top of trade school pedagogy. It doesn't work like that – the one emerges from the other!

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"Well ACTUALLY wizards are" wizards are made up. They can be analogous to whatever real-world class or vocation the author wants. Wizard-school-as-university and wizard-school-as-technical-institute are both perfectly fine; what I am grumping about is wizard-school media that doesn't seem to have a clear picture of how different sorts of educational institutions actually operate.

Okay but now I really want to know what a Wizard technician would look like. Would he wear magical overalls with all kinds of reagents and magic tools sticking out of his numerous pockets?

A guy like that walks into your tower with a toothpick in his mouth, takes one look at your summoning circle and goes

“I see yer problem. You used chalk B12 instead of S3. B12 is only for transmutation circles. Gimme a sec I think I have a piece somewhere here.”

He fixes your circle, test summons an imp and goes.

“There ya go. Fit as a fiddle.”

“It’s the chalk.”

“The chalk? I always use that chalk, it’s never been a problem.”

“Ah - yes. This stuff will work just fine for most circles, but, uh - here, take a look with my loupe. You see the off-color flecks? Can’t hardly see them with the naked eye, but those are impurities. Silicates, might even be some iron in here, to be honest. Usually won’t cause a problem, but - you said you hadn’t tried this particular summons before?”

“First time trying a 5th level, yeah.”

“Those silicates will make your scribing a little fuzzy when viewed from the astral plane. You see, for example, these three fine lines here? With this chalk, on the astral that looks like one thick line with fuzzy edges. They can’t tell exactly what you want, and they’re picky lil’ critters so they just won’t do anything in response.”

“Really? Oh. I always thought the expensive chalk was just fancy to be fancy.”

“Making pure chalk is difficult, you need a dedicated production line or dust gets in the finished product. To be honest, you don’t need to bother with it for most things, but 5th and up, 5th level and up, it actually is necessary. Anything with lines within about two millimeters of each other.”

“So I need to start over?”

“Unfortunately yes. You’ll have to erase all this, but with some good chalk it should work just fine. Next new moon your summons should go off without a hitch.”

“Dang. At least it’s not my sigils, I was worried it was my sigils.”

“Nah Your sigils look good. Even and balanced. You know what you’re doing, it’s just an equipment problem.”

“Thanks for the help, sorry to make you come all the way out here.”

“No problem! It’s my job.”

How it's going as a trans person in Florida: Planned Parenthood, 26Health, and Spektrum Health have announced they have paused all gender affirming care.

To recap, DeSantis signed several anti-trans bills into law this week. Care is banned for minors, care is all but banned for adults, Don't Say Gay has been extended, children can be kidnapped from affirming parents by non-affirming family, and there is a bathroom bill that subjects trans folks to arrest for using government owned facilities, such as those in courthouses, airports, many stadiums and parks.

The adult effective ban was felt immediately. The main elements are:

  • signing at every visit an in-person informed consent form created by the state
  • all care come from physicians instead of nurse practitioners
  • no telemed for gender-affirming care

Currently, it is unknown if existing HRT prescriptions written by NPs will be honored by pharmacies. I personally know one person who was able to pick up testosterone yesterday, but I have also read many reports of folks being denied. I myself don't have a refill ready for another 10 days and will report back after I try my own pickup.

What's additionally dangerous is those of us, myself included, who get non-HRT prescriptions from our gender clinics now face the uncertainty of continuing of *all* of our medical care. Our health clinics are at risk of shuttering permanently as they lose major income, and many of us will lose STD meds, depression meds, heart meds, etc, etc.

When we say "this will kill us," it goes beyond suicide risk from forced detransition.

"But you can still get HRT from a physician."

So many suck or are outright hostile and the demand outstrips the supply. Before I found my NP-run clinic, one physician just decided to not call in my Rx, another was so shit at reading lab results, he thought I had hepatitis, and the third I had to threaten to kick in the teeth for trying to force too large a speculum in me.

Also, the state-required consent form has not been finalized and distributed yet, so at this point, everything has pretty much ground to a halt.

It was estimated that 80% of trans adults would lose their healthcare because of how many use providers like Planned Parenthood, but the impact seems even greater now.

"You can get your non-gender care elsewhere still."

DeSantis recently signed a bill that allows healthcare professionals to discriminate against trans people.

Sure, we can try to find care elsewhere, but it will be a slow and expensive process, with no guarantees. It took me over 20 years to get my heart condition treated because of transphobic doctors.

What can I do as a trans Floridian?

Stay in communication with your clinic - many are working on getting physicians added to the roster to prescribe HRT. Lawsuits are being filed and it's possible the changes to adult care can be rolled back.

Continue to try to pick up your meds, but begin looking for care elsewhere, though. Inside and outside the state.

Remember that while telemed for gender affirming care has been banned, you can still cross state lines for care. See Erin's map of informed consent clinics.

Many people will turn to DIY, but be sure you are aware of the risks here, especially if on testosterone, which is a controlled substance.

What should I be worried about next as a trans Floridian?

I worry about the following next steps towards genocide:

  • Banning getting care out of state. This is from the anti-abortion playbook. They will likely start with kids again, but we've seen how quickly adult care gets axed.
  • Being declared mentally incompetent or a risk in some way. This could be anything from being barred from gun ownership to not being allowed to work for the government.
  • Being declared a de facto predator. This has already happened with the latest bathroom law (cis people can eject trans people from government owned single-gender facilities, with arrest as a penalty), so watch out for it being applied to privately-owned facilities. Watch for discussions of official lists of trans people.
  • Gender presentation enforcement laws, essentially banning "cross dressing". Laws that block or rollback documentation changes.

These all have historic precedence and are huge "I'm in danger" red flags.

What can I do as a cis person?

Amplify all this news. Talk frankly about how this is genocide. And donate what you can to trans mutual aid campaigns so people can travel to get healthcare or even leave the state.

Here's some articles to get started on building awareness:

Take care, everyone, of yourself and each other.

I love when you see someone reblogging a text post multiple times because you don’t know if tumblr glitched on their end or if the post, “who else up garging they goyle” really fucking resonated with them and they just had to rb that mf 4x

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idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

One time when I was younger I was refusing to take headache medicine and my mom said “the person who invented that medicine is probably so sad you won’t let them help you” and now every time I find myself denying medicine I just imagine the saddest scientist making those big wet eyes like “why won’t you let me help” and whoop then I take the medicine

scientist when you don't take the medicine they developed to help your pain

As long as you are taking a SAFE dose of it, then it's *good* for you. Pain is bad for the body. The inflammation from prolonged pain can worsen chronic issues and make it harder to heal.

Ibuprofen is best for pain that has inflammation, while acetaminophen doesn't help with inflammation but is more broadly effective on other types of pain. As long as you are taking the recommended dose, you can even take them TOGETHER, since they have different mechanisms of action.

You do need to be aware of how much and how often you are taking any pain medication. Overdoses can be very painful (even lethal.) And if you are in chronic pain often enough that you need more than the safe dose, then you need to look into other medications to manage that pain.

(Also, if you are specifically taking Acetaminophen/Tylenol for your go-to pain management, getting some NAC and taking that with it reduces the risk of overdose AND may strengthen the effect.)

One other thing: NSAIDS (ibuprofen, aspirin, and naproxen being the three big ones) can cause digestive issues with chronic use, including stomach ulcers. That doesn't mean "don't take them," it means "if you're at the point where you're on them all the time, every day, constantly, you should talk to a doctor about either reducing that risk or switching to another medication that doesn't have those side effects."

Anyway Ianthe has absolutely been emotionally manipulating/abusing Coronabeth since they were children. Their whole dynamic seems to be Ianthe lording guilt and shame over Corona to control her. Corona almost killing Ianthe in the womb is something she is NEVER allowed to live down. In Nona, Ianthe has ascended to lyctorhood and she still brings it up.

When Gideon first sees the pair, she describes it looking like Corona had been sucking up Ianthe's life force. This is revealed to be true in a roundabout way as Ianthe has been pretending to be two necromancers because their father wanted a "matched set." While Corona does allude to her father's role in this dynamic, Ianthe seems to imply that she does it all for Coronabeth's sake. This dynamic that requires them to be constantly together also seems to have been used by Ianthe to deepen her enmeshment with Corona. How enmeshed Corona is (in GtN) is evidenced by a desire to be Ianthe's cavalier or to play a similar role in her life. The Cavalier/Necromancer relationship is established to be one of the most intimate between two people in the culture of the Houses. Scenes in GtN including when Naberius stops Corona from practicing with a rapier and then at the end when she laments that Ianthe ate Babs instead of her point to this desire to be Ianthe's 'cavalier.'

From GtN to NtN, Ianthe negs Corona at every opportunity, reminding her that she's stupid, overemotional, and hopeless without her. She nitpicks her appearance in particular, implying she looks awful when everyone else in the room is swooning (or at least our POV characters lol). Ianthe is awful to everyone, but there's something really pointed about her insults to Corona/Crown. Such cruel comments dressed up as casual terms of endearment. Something you can only accept as love when its all youve known.

Its understandable that Camilla doesnt trust that Crown wouldnt defect immediately upon meeting Ianthe. Camilla had seen first hand how attached the two were. But I think in seeing Crown work against Ianthe, and even using their old dynamic to manipulate her, we see that she's broken free of that toxic relationship. We dont know much about what happened between Corona and Judith while they were travelling during HtN, but we know that it taught Corona a love that didnt depend on her sister's disapproval, and that she has grown and changed because of it.

In words of Drowning Pool:

"Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the...FLOOOOOOOOR!"

(click images for better quality)

This is a couple of MONTHS ahead of negotiations:

Also something important for anyone who knows any SAG-AFTRA people on here:

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really, unless the main force your dick is withstanding is torsion, then 'shaft' goes against nominative conventions. given the main forces experienced are normal forces, i.e. tension and compression, it would be more appropriate to call it a 'rod' or 'beam'

accidentally clicked over to the ‘for you’ tab and this was the first post there which. is fine and normal i guess

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i always forget that when gideon confesses to harrows parents death to palamedes in gtn she also includes that harrow opened the locked tomb. shes told him that the reverend daughter harrowhark nonagesimus committed the greatest necromantic sin against the king undying and he barely blinks. he said okay, anyway, back to the severed head-

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do y'all prefer to read fics formatted like this:

or like this (the difference is the spacing between the lines):

I'll usually hit the back button on fic with larger spacing, because ideally what you're going for with a good read is immersion, or losing yourself in the story. This becomes next to impossible when the experience is three paragraphs -> scroll forever -> three paragraphs -> scroll forever -> two paragraphs -> scroll forever, etc. ad nauseam.

It's not just a fic issue, though! This is also what's so incredibly obnoxious about longform essays or narrative articles that have billboard-sized pull-quotes or obtrusive ads every three paragraphs, or newsletter pop-ups that wait until you're a third of the way through to manifest and block 90% of the page--it's getting in the way of you actually focusing on what you're reading and interrupting your concentration just as you're starting to get a flow going.

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i wanna do a thing where i lay out studies that show things in different primates that show us parts of ourselves as humans. Call it Primates: Through the Looking Glass or The Monkey in the Mirror or something

There are studies and documentaries that show things about Gorillas, Chimpanzees, Bonobos, Baboons, Macaques… that just make sense to me. That if shown right would make sense to a lot of people, i think.

like… they were studying this one group of gorillas –

okay wait. First of all, you know a silverback (the Big Male) of the group is not the leader or in charge or anything, right? He has a role, and it includes a certain amount of control, which i’ll explain briefly, but he’s not, like, in charge.

wait, you know all that Dominance/Alpha theory about wolves is all wrong, right?

wait wait wait, and also that like, the bull or the stag or whatever in a herd is not in charge of anything, right? right?

hold on. the wolves is it’s own post, the herd thing i might get back to, we’re on gorillas, okay. Silverback is basically just the male head of an extended family in which plenty of the leadership is handled by the women of the family.

There are often 2-4 silverbacks, but one, usually the largest, will clearly be senior to the others who are often his sons or brothers. Silverbacks have three main roles

1: defend the group from all physical threats aside from people, these threats are mostly random male gorillas, chimpanzee baby-snatching gangs, and the occasional leopard. Just his alert presence handles most scenarios, and then maybe a few times a year he has to risk his life fulfilling this responsibility. It is this role that provides most of whatever actual power he has over the group, namely this: while he isn’t necessarily the one deciding when and where the group goes on a daily basis, if the most powerful/capable silverback does decide to travel a direction, they pretty much have to go with him, the family isn’t safe without him.

2: make babies. And this is one area where the ladies of the group will sometimes sort of vote with their ovaries, and favor a silverback that isn’t the main one, like “yeah, Frank, you are the biggest, but honestly you’re a dick and we’re going to make sure the next generation of silverbacks isn’t another one of you.” When you see a main large silverback in a group of gorillas, it isn’t, like, his blindly loyal harem, they have to approve of him. Also gorilla females move between groups, and sometimes they take members with them or start new groups and stuff. Anyway i’m getting off track, one of the silverbacks jobs is making babies

3. keep the peace This functions a lot like being in the back seat with your siblings with your parents up front. Basically any disputes within the group have to be handled within a certain parameter of decorum, because if it gets too out of hand HE’s going to come over, and He’ll be upset, which is low-key terrifying because He’s huge, and there’s no telling who He’ll decide is at fault or what he’ll do about it, so letting a situation get out of hand is a losing scenario for everyone involved really. Tho typically he will favor senior females in disputes, in a “don’t you talk that way to your mom” kind of way.

one last thing, silverbacks don’t actually transfer power between silverbacks via battle every time.

Like i was just reading accounts from a multi-generational observational study of some wild gorillas that featured one big silverback just straight up taking over by performing the silverback duties better and becoming preferred by everyone else in the group. There was no fight, it just became, i do the job better, everyone likes me better, kicking my ass can’t change that, and boom, he was the primary silverback. And the other silverback might have been a bit dull, or a bit of a bully, but like us their species’ success is largely dependent on social intelligence; once he saw the writing on the wall, that other, slightly larger sivlerback didn’t even bother trying to change the situation with a physical fight, he understood what had happened.

okay so all that was just to tell you all this story. lol. Here’s what i saw in one documentary:

This very big, getting old silverback, who was hugely popular and successful, with a very large and tightly bonded family group, and a couple of his hulking adult sons backing him up. Everybody in his group seemed to love him a lot, he was particularly calm in that gentle giant sort of way, a safe, emotionally steady presence, happy to help raise his sons and daughters with kindness, and who could become a raging nightmare if pressed by a leopard … exactly what a band of gorillas wants in a silverback.

But one of his adult sons had plenty of silver on his own back, and was getting itchier and itchier to be main man of the group, and this is where we start our little drama

It seems to be coming to a head, and the observers are nervous about a fight for the position. The silverback and his son are both are huge, probably approaching 400lbs, mostly muscle, with long thick fangs and skulls topped with jaw muscles as big as human biceps to wield those teeth, which nature has given them primarily to fight other gorillas with. 

But then the next day, the old man leads the fam up the mountain.

it’s winter, which is why they have come down the mountain in the first place. But as we discussed, if he goes somewhere, they have to go, so they all follow behind.

up he goes, and then he sits. And waits. It’s cold and there is much less food up here at this time of year. There’s nothing to do but sit hungry in the cold. His size and metabolism makes him the most able to withstand the cold, but even he is pretty uncomfortable. 

And so he sits. And his family, perhaps confused, but loyal, sits around him.

But his son, the other huge silverback, with years of training even as an adult under his wise father, is ready and able to go off on his own. Finally, he stands up, makes clear his intentions to leave this uncomfortable place. A small handful of the other gorillas stand with him – if he goes down the mountain, then they can safely leave as well. He turns and heads down the mountain. After a moment, a few more gorillas leave the main group to follow. All in all it winds up being nearly half.

The wise older silverback thoughtfully watches his son leave with about half the group. He sits a while longer in the cold, in the company of those most loyal to him, and then takes them along a different path down the mountain

And those two groups still ran into each other sometimes, and were friendly. And sometimes a couple gorillas would change between the two groups. They were still close.

But i just thought that was such an elegant, meaningful way for that gorilla to handle that whole situation. And it makes a completely human sort of sense to me.