I keep going back to watch this video it just captures my sense of humour perfectly

Demön

When an NPC warns chaotic-aligned players to not do something

I lose it at the cheerful “Fuck you, Goat-Man!” every damn time.

“Not All Men” you’re right. Kevin Spacey would never do this

As it turns out, Kevin Spacey would in fact do this

This fuckin aged like milk

honey is the only food product that never spoils. there are pots of honey that are over five thousand years old and still completely edible

i also want to point out we know it tastes the same even after thousands of years b/c archaeologists who discovered two thousand year old honey tasted it. presumably right after they looked at each other and went “what the hell here goes nothing”

I’m pretty sure they also identify human remains by taste. Archaeologists are straight up freaks.

No, no no… you identify bone from rock or other substances by touching it to your tongue. If it sticks, it’s bone. The taste itself has nothing to do with it. And most archaeologists won’t lick human bones if they know they’re human.

…and I realize that doesn’t actually do much to prove archaeologists aren’t freaks.

mai nam is jane and wen i dig i fynde some roks both smol and big i put my tung upon the stone for science yes i lik the bone

I’m sitting with a bunch of archaeologists and we just laughed so hard we CRIED we’re getting tshirts with this on them

One time, when I was drunk…

THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH

THIS IS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I JUST BECAME AN ORDAINED MINISTER

Mother cat with kittens came to meet an old friend.

I can’t believe we’ve already found the best animal video of 2016.

That is too adorable. You can tell the mother cat actually does trust the dog just by her body language. Typically a mother will watch her kittens closely and be very protective of them, here she completely trusts the dog to play gentle with them. This is just too damn cute.

When he bops the kitten and looks up at Mom to make sure he didn’t overstep!

The dog is trying to make himself as non-threatening as possible!!

my heart is MELTING

It probably really irritates Wonder Woman when the Justice League is getting shot at and she has to do the Robot to block bullets with her bracelets–meanwhile Clark is just standing there, bullets bouncing off his chest. He’s not even wearing armor. His mom just sewed some of his old baby blankets together and he’s making it work.

And she has to lug a shield around just so, like, fucking muskets can’t kill her. Like if someone shoots an arrow at her, she needs to block that, or she’ll die, apparently.

So just off-screen there, picture Superman just casually strolling by. “Hey, you, uh, you need some help there? Wanna stand behind me? I have this cape, it blocks bullets too.”

“No, I’m fine!”

“Okay, if you say so.”

to be fair:

It will forever haunt me that I cannot share this joke with everyone I meet

ooooooo that boi know he bad!🔥

That lean was crazy

Im convinced michael jackson possessed him

🔥🔥🔥🔥

when it’s november 1st

Songs with the same bpm but played over different than original video tracks give me life

AI is going to take over the world... and this is what Excel auto-populated today.

Credit

Free printer. May need some tuning.

better than banksy’s shredder art

it’s sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there’s no non-fucked up part of rasputin’s existence

did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia’s greatest love machine

basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he’s a prophet or a saint because he’s got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia’s queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son’s haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, ‘cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now  (allegedly) belongs to. 

then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, because all of russia is slutshaming the queen he has too much power over the royal family and it’s helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he is magically unaffected by poison they get the dose wrong and he doesn’t die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn’t die, so they tell him to look at a crucifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn’t looking, and he doesn’t die, but they think he’s dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he’s gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn’t die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the forehead, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn’t go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this…. he died…. of hypothermia.

additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock.

Rasputin was an old god from times before humans

He is like a cleric gone wild

“did rasputin do something problematic” i am going to die

I’d like to add to the story of Rasputin’s magical dick, beware that this next part is rumour and speculation only, but’s it’s still pretty hilarious- After the assassins first attempt at shooting Rasputin, they think to themselves ‘damn, his dick is said to have magical powers or some shit we better preserve that’ so they CUT OF HIS DICK and put it in a box and one of the government officials loyal to the revolution gets to keep it and preserve it and stuff. It gets archived but the box it’s in is mislabeled and over time people forget what it was and who it belonged to. Probably good to mention that it’s looking a bit mangly and gross at this stage so it’s not really recognisable as a dick by the time it gets fished out of the archives. Fast-forward to the 80s, a young Russian marine biologist gets sent a strange ‘sea-cucumber’ specimen from a couple of decades ago that needs to be preserved under better conditions. This lass takes one look at it and goes hell nah that’s not a sea cucumber. She runs some tests and Lo and behold it’s a human dick. Further DNA tests proves it’s the one and only Rasputin’s magical cock. Ofc this amazing discovery must be displayed so now Rasputin’s dick is on display for the public to see at the Russian museum of erotica 🙊

art

This is my fucking favorite thing I’ve ever seen I’m sobbing

I thought the baby was copying them, but its actually the other way around and now I’m cackling. This is stupid cute.

This video clip has watered my crops and cleansed my angry soul!

behold, a man

A Cloud Made of 1,100 Umbrellas by Kaisa And Timo Berry

Older WLW Couples

reblog if you agree

Someone PLEASE add some photos I beg of you.

On it!

💕💕💕💕💕💕

Reblogging myself because I can’t believe I forgot the OGs, aka Edie and Thea, aka the Jewish lesbians who gave y’all MARRIAGE. 

did you know that birds could smile?

MY HEART

Absolutely adorable!

@asspostate have you seen this

I HADNT SEEN IT OH MY GOD I COULD CRY

Absolute Madmen and Certified Ledges Masterpost. Feel free to add your own pariahs.

it took nine seconds for me to fully process what i was watching and then i started LAUHGHING

I would be dead