imagining beautiful futures for us

groverhaus and the child-annihilating zipline are classics of post and we will never forget them

too bad the zipline isn’t as famous. the fucked-up bathroom has even gained more traction than the child-exploding summer camp zipline. there is no justice

i love this but DON’T denigrate the fucked up bathroom that’s a legend

fucked up bathroom?

before and after extensive diy renovations 

this looks like a doom wad

The extremely good news is that someone DID make it into a doom wad

https://twitter.com/dietinghippo/status/1102879467741966336

this is un fucking believable

I’m sorry, y’all are selling RIPline (The Machine to Kill Children) short, so I need to bring in YouTuber and generally amazing person Dan Olson in to sum this up for me

And some visual aides

westley in the princess bride was so funny for being like ‘talk about this dead guy you loved lol’ and getting the tea about himself

oh he was ur true love? you thought he was hot n strong? rate him 1-10 and why

The older you get the more you will realize that your friends are people who have made mistakes and bad decisions and even just fucked up and hurt people.

And obviously your boundaries with your friends are completely up to you but you do need to recognize that if you cut off everyone who has done something wrong, you’re going to end up with no friends (and you yourself will have also fucked up in your life, and not lived up to those impossible standards either).

I’ve found it’s much more constructive to learn how to say “hey dude, that was massively fucked up of you,” because most people are really willing to say “yeah, it was, I need to work on it/not do it again/apologize and make things right” ESPECIALLY if they are hearing it from you as their friend.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for another person is to tell them that they’ve done something wrong, help them fix it, and stay their friend because it’s what we would want from them if we did something wrong.

personally i love strikes. love unions. love protests. big fan all around!!

Haters be like

“It’s totally possible to make a path that goes through every door exactly once”

Idk if I did it right

sorry!

it’s true you can’t draw one continuous line that would do the trick. but if the kitty and bunny set out by going through the doors they’re marked beside and each walked the certain way their colored arrows show at the same time their “collective path” as a team would go through each door only once. The moral of the story is actually about friendship , and cooperation, because in this world there are tasks you can’t do on your own.

im just fucking with you i’m pretty sure this has no right answer

i concocted a solution with a 100% mortality rate

Stop being so incredibly funny on my impossible puzzle post

You can switch the tracks so the trolley will kill one person, or you can allow it to attempt the fruitless crusade of running over each person in the maze only once.

all in a days work! *passes out*

My indecisive butt, walking in and being faced with having to make a decision, immediately leaving

oOoOoooo I’m a ghost!

Fire

dude my house

What a great thing automation is ....

Sloppy style robot hand job but it keeps fumbling the weiner

i’ve watched this like 5 times now and it’s funnier every time for some reason

"Matt Damon has revealed that the “Oppenheimer” cast talked about their strike strategy before hitting the movie’s red carpet premiere in London on Thursday.

“We talked about it,” Damon told Variety on the carpet. “Look, if it’s called now, everyone’s going to walk obviously in solidarity … Once the strike is officially called, [we’re walking]. That’s why we moved this [red carpet] up because we know the second it’s called, we’re going home.”

Damon added: “We gave the strike authorization. We voted 98% to 2% to do that because we know our leadership has our best interest at heart.”

“It’s really about working actors,” he continued. “It’s $26,000 to qualify for health coverage and a lot of people are on the margins and residual payments are getting them across that threshold. This isn’t an academic exercise. This is real life and death stuff. Hopefully we get to a resolution quickly. No one wants a work stoppage, but we’ve got to get a fair deal.”

Spoken like someone who never had to hide in the Meat Realm

Paparazzi on the set of Barbie (2023)

[Image ID: A tweet by zorb (@/wizardØrb) that reads, "tumblr is good because people don't leave comments like this on twitter". A screenshot of some tags left on a Tumblr post is attached, and they read, "#YES #YESSS #YESSSS! #YESSSS YESS YESSSS! #YEEAASSS #YEAAAASSS YEAAS YESSS YESS YESS #OHHH MY GOD OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD #OHHH MY GOD #BROOOOOOO #AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #YOU HAVE NO IDEA. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I nsbwbebdbdbdbesnanahhahabahsnsndbsbsbxvcbcbc #GRRRRR GRRRARRAARRRRRGRGRRRR! RGRGRGRRaaaaAAAAAAAARRARA!!! BRRGRGRRRR!GGRRGAAA! #sorry ok. I'm normal now #haha anyways *reblog* haha awesome art #fav.fav.fav. #IM CRAZZY IM CRAZY IM CRAZY. IM CRAZY. IM CRAZY. IM CRAZY. IM CRAZY #YOU HAVE NO IDEAA YOU HAVE NO IDEA #okay I'm normal again #cool art". /end ID]

god the way people talk to their pets

like i’m calling myself out here but i just uttered the words “you did the stretch and now the rare and powerful double pets” (two hands at once!!) to my cat without a trace of irony

like i do not believe my cat understands a word of what i am saying but he absolutely knows my voice and i think also my tone? but also all day i’m just randomly looking over at him like “good boy!” or “are you fluffy?” or singing little songs about his current fluff levels. to an animal. a wonderful animal but a creature who absolutely does not speak english and probably only vaguely is like “this creature is communicating with me” when the strange noises come from the person’s mouth

like i just think about this sometimes

i never wanted to baby talk this cat, i dislike the whole “i am a cat mom and this is my baby” thing, he is a cat, i am a person, and yet i just spend all day talking at him. while typing this he rolled over to show off his tummy and i had to restrain myself from saying “you got a tummy?” aloud. and then i did it anyway

(he is indeed in possession of a tummy)

I haven’t stopped laughing at this

hmmm… there’s probably an INFINITELY more humane way to do this…

i get that they’re not killing them and they end up fine, but imagine the trauma of you, a mammal, going through a long ass tube, not knowing what’s going to happen to you, and you can’t breathe. 🤷‍♀️

They get misted with water throughout the thing, and it results in fewer injuries than the ‘ladder’ method. Also, it’s a fish. It never knows what’s going to happen to it at any point in time throughout its life.

Also, I, a mammal, have paid 80 bucks to get into a water park to get the opportunity to feel like that fish, and that motherfucker gets in for free every day is fish day at the fish waterpark

well the MOST humane thing would be to not build dams blocking salmon migration routes, nor create a society where there are only resources allocated to solving the problem at all because blocking the salmon endangers the profits of a segment of the food industry. 

Buuuut since we’re past that already, here are a couple of additional thoughts:

1 this IS the more humane alternative, which was invented to lower injury and death rates associated with previous techniques. When a better alternative is revealed it will probably replace this one. But this one is a pretty huge improvement over the other methods, one of which killed off something like 80% of the fish involved. A study of the above fish tube was conducted by Pacific Northwest National Laboratories in 2017 on the Columbia River and showed a much higher success rate. In that study, only one fish died (“due to a human error during the system setup”) and only 3 percent had signs of injury. So. The next best improvement might have to be “remove dam”

2 they are on their way to die. That is where we are helping them get to. That’s the end goal of the salmon’s migration. They on their way to mutate, start rotting alive, have an orgy, and die. That’s where the tube is taking them.

So like, it’s not going to be the weirdest thing they experience this month, is what i’m saying. 

thank you for that, @hug-your-face

Had a dream that I was going to band camp on the moon and to save fuel they had us leave our instruments and clothes behind and only use the camp uniforms and equipment. When we deboarded the space shuttle my middle school band teacher handed me a spacesuit and a box that looked exactly like a box of pasta with the little cellophane window, but instead of pasta there were very tiny woodwind pieces and it said BASSOON on it. "BASSOON: add water."

like this

Ok this is all fine and good but op why the hell were you marching a bassoon

I dunno, but I like how this was the most unreasonable part of the dream to you.

OUR COUSIN MADE IT TO THE NFL

This your cousin? What team is he in?

Our cousin

peak art is when u were like six and u scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass” 

every1 look i made stain glass

[source]

I see posts go by periodically about how modern audiences are impatient or unwilling to trust the creator. And I agree that that's true. What the posts almost never mention, though, is that this didn't happen in a vacuum. Audiences have had their patience and trust beaten out of them by the popular media of the past few decades.

J J Abrams is famous for making stories that raise questions he never figures out how to answer. He's also the guy with some weird story about a present he never opened and how that's better than presents you open--failing to see that there's a difference between choosing not to open a present and being forbidden from opening one.

You've got lengthy media franchises where installments undo character development or satisfying resolutions from previous installments. Worse, there are media franchises with "trilogies" that are weird slap fights between the makers of each installment.

You've got wildly popular TV shows that end so poorly and unsatisfyingly that no one speaks of them again.

On top of that, a lot of the media actively punishes people for engaging thoughtfully with it. Creators panic and change their stories if the audience properly reacts to foreshadowing. Emotional parts of storytelling are trampled by jokes. Shocking the audience has become the go to, rather than providing a solid story.

Of course audiences have gotten cynical and untrusting! Of course they're unwilling to form their own expectations of what's coming! Of course they make the worst assumptions based on what's in front of them! The media they've been consuming has trained them well.

"writers deserve attention more than actors" literally only 2% of actors can pay the bills with acting. For every megastar on screen there are a dozen other people in the shot who are SAG. Acting gets so glamorized but there are SO MANY people in SAG who NEED residuals to live on. Background Party Girl #4 needs her check too!!!! There are people who play recurring characters on syndicated shows who cant afford health insurance!!! Ke Huy Quan gave an oscar winning performance and LOST HIS HEALTH INSURANCE the next year.