I’ve been having a bit of a hard day.
I know that probably nobody cares and this rant now just going to get passed along, but I recently found out that I am unhealthy due to losing a fair amount of weight in a short time. This caused my heart to go into overdrive - basically, (minor (I think)) heart problems at the ripe age of 16. I’ve been worrying incessantly over how much food I’m eating now, often pushing past what I’m comfortable with. I keep on thinking about it, and sometimes my stomach makes a sound and I worry about it for the next few minutes - did I eat enough? Should I tell someone? Should I eat more?
It’s put me on edge, and I’ve been getting even more irritable. I just don’t know what’s happening and it’s making me far more emotionally volatile than usual. I want to help myself - I don’t want my life to go downhill right after I just put it back on track.
I’m so scared. I don’t know what my own body is like anymore - I neglected it for long enough to get to this point, and I wish I had the energy to make myself feel better.
It’s just far too hard to push through, y’know? I don’t have any energy, I feel miserable and I’m constantly worrying - it’s a match made in Hell.
I want to give up - just let this thing drown me until my lungs fill. I just want it to feel better, but I feel like this will never end.
I just want to give up.