john wick walks into a mcdonalds and puts a gold coin on the counter: I'd like a big mac, extra ketchup.

The zit-faced teen cashier: An excellent choice sir. *hands him a happy meal box with a glock with a drum mag inside*

house treats a dog trainer who says she has a 100% success rate for helping angry dogs and make them quiet and nice. house argues about how it cant be exactly 100% and wont stop being annoying about it. He brings in a literally feral rabid dog and she like makes it calm and lie down . House is disturbed by this because he wanted to be right that she sucks at stuff. (B-plot: house and the team sees if house can be trained with a dog clicker.) they break into her house and they find loads of dog pheromones and learn she has been wearing it like a perfume to calm down dogs. she thinks this is fine and theres no link but they think she is having a freaky reaction to it. but they take the pheromones away and she starts dying harder. house is really mad and has dinner with wilson, where he is complaining about how this lady is a charlatan but he doesnt understand what’s going on while eating out of a bowl of kibble like nothings wrong with it. wilson is watching him intently, as is the rests of the team who is watching from afar. house says his food is really yummy and insists wilson tries some and wilson is like “NO I CANT.” and house is like no you have to. you have to eat it. and wilson is like HOUSE STOP WE’VE BEEN CLICKERING YOU TO MAKE YOU EAT DOG FOOD. and house MAKES him eat a spoonful and hes like “… cocoa puffs..?” and house smirtks smartly as he demonstrates that he knew about their silly trick. “i know you guys are watching…. come out.”(the team is slowly emerging) “don’t worry . i dont bite anymore —“ he pauses and does a house stare and walks away to the sick lady’s room. cameron pours wilson a little milk for his cereal.“20%.” he walks into the room smartly. the patient is miffed and is about to say she doesn’t want to argue about percentages literally on her death bed. but house is like “no. 20% actually refers to the number of dog bites that get infected. You got bit by a dog and never got treated for it and ingredients in the dog pheromone solution were slowing it down. (?? im not a scientist) “ and he says something stupid like “sometimes a dog’s bark really is worse than its bite” and walks out. music starts playing. chase expresses he is mad about what cameron pouring milk for wilson means for them because cameron used to pour milk for her dead husband and he thinks she isnt over him. house walks out and reaches into his pocket and sneakily eats a hand ful of kibble

Whipped

outfit idea

(via Show and Tell - Imgur)

I remember reading this a while back, I’m glad it’s made it’s way to my dash again

things like this are more important than 90% of tumblr

bye im crying

This comic made me feel things!

Hey, the source is not credited properly, so I thought that should be mentioned here. The short comic is from volume 5 of “Flight” comic anthology series. You can get a physical copy if you want to support the comic! The comic artist’s name is Svetlana Chmakova. Please check out her other works “Awkward”, “Brave”, and “Crush” at the library or bookstore! Also available in the ebook version. They all appear in the cute style and the color palette like the short comic. 

For a fun fact, Svetlana Chmakova is the same artist who created “Dramacon” and “Nightschool” manga.  Also the manga adaptation of ”Witch & Wizard”! 

Beautiful

Laika cigarettes, 1957, Russia

that dog was cool as fuck for going to space and also smoking

I tumblr! My name is Elaine. You can see me in this picture! That is me holding the sign, HI! Well my hubby said that if this gets 1 MILLION notes, he will buy me a horse. I would love a horse I grew up on a farm where I rode and ate horses til i was 15 when I moved. I have not seen a horse since, not even a picture! Only one painting I painted in 7th grade. My husband obviously thinks this is going to be an impossible task thats why I am taking this on the interwebs where i can get likes. I have 5,000 on facebook so I am almost there. I want brown horse with some white. I will braid the hair. Thanks so much everyone! Please help me achieve this! :) God Bless

this post has been around since before the precambrien era and we aren’t even close. this website is useless

Pathetic. All of you.

happy ten years since we failed to get this woman a fucking horse. god damn. what’s the point of us

'no one understands me' STOP. 8 BILLION ALIVE PEOPLE. 15 THOUSANDS YEAR OF HUMAN HISTORY. SOMEONE HAS FELT WHAT YOURE FEELING

touching the bathroom door handle and getting a "woah there! this is the endgame. are you sure there's nothing you want to do first?" pop up

elvis

just found this comic i drew in 2012

We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

or

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

Two old favourites:

“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)

and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

Rare blue watermelon

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

soap makes water molecules smaller

I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012

the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

The two way mirror

“listen here, cumslut.”

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.

all the links on this post are broken and some arent given so heres a compilation of links for the stupidest things tumblr has believed (i tried to find the og post for most of these but some of them are posts/articles about said posts)

infinite chocolate hack

berensta/ein bears (mandela effect)

mri scan walking dead gif

train gif brain thinks you died

tubby custard machine

horse dildo

moonmelon (and variations)

alexandria’s genisis

bird chocolate fountain og post

soap shrinks water molecules

we are killing the earth

ham on dog

tequila isnt a depressant

earth is lumpy

joker without makeup

voldemort fetus

two way mirror og post

fig vagina

if breaking bad was set in 2022 they’d get arrested immediately bc jesse would get his BeReal notification whilst they were cooking

⚠️ Time to BeReal ⚠️

god damn

Ten years. Ten years I’ve been seeing this wonderful art piece, and STILL our minimum wage REMAINS at 7.25/hour.

Meanwhile, the cost of living has easily tripled.

And minimum wage wasn’t enough to cover it even before.

And minimum wage

wasn’t enough to cover

it even before.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Please reblog to increase data size. Please also add how long you think it would take and why.

Phoenix Wright literally has a three day time limit

Benoit Blanc is onto Light's shit IMMEDIATELY, but may not be able to work out the HOW. Fortunately, he also doesn't necessarily care about solving things Legally. I give him about a month, during which Light totally fails to spell his name correctly.

BBC Sherlock has to loudly announce his name and get in everyone's face. He's dead within the hour.

Shawn Spencer wouldn't solve the Mystery, but he and Light will somehow get involved in Kooky Hijinks and Shawn makes Light realize that he's being a twerp, and the murders stop. Time Elapsed: 2-3 days.

The Mystery Gang hits Ryuk with the van and on the way to the hospital (this is the first time they haven't been able to pull of a mask and it's REALLY worrying them), Shaggy, Scooby and Ryuk have a Powerful Supernatural Entity Heart-to-Heart and Ryuk realizes he has more and better options to entertain himself. Time Elapsed: Negative Six days.

I don't know Waver Velvet enough to make a guess.

L Lawliet is too busy playing Gay Autism headgames with Light to figure out the Mystery. Does Not Solve it.

The reason we never see Columbo's Wife is that he himself possesses a Deathnote- His Wife gave it to him after he gave her eternal existence meaning, and they've been happily married with a collection of basset hounds since. He knows what's up immediately. but unlike Blanc, needs to trick Kira into offering proof admissible in a court of Law. Time Elapsed: 3 days to a week.

Dr. Gregory House is arrested at the airport for carrying drugs. Does Not Solve The Mystery.

Phoenix Wright will solve this mystery and prove it in court in three days, but he's bound by narrative convention to use EVERY LAST SECOND. Time Elapsed: 3 days

Winner: Scooby Doo, by Genre Upset.

Burton Guster looked over the newspaper. "Shawn. Did you read this?"

Shawn rolled his eyes. "Gus, don't be a dingleberry. You know I can't read. What?"

"So-called Telepathic Killer Still at Large in Japan," read Gus. "Police seeking experts in the supernatural."

"What are you saying? You think we should get involved?"

"I'm just saying, I had to front you on last month's rent."

"Since when do we get involved in international cases?"

"I remember that one time Interpol literally told you to stay out of their business and you wouldn't leave them alone," Gus said pointedly.

"Oh come on. Maybe if they call me-"

Just then the phone rang.

--"And just through this door you'll meet our team on the Japanese side."

A young blonde man walked through the door.

"Oh hello, Light. This is Light Yagami, the police chief's son. He's helping with the investigation. And what did you say your name was...?"

"Crunch. Captain Crunch, actually."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Crunch," said Light, and reached out to shake his hand.

Internally, Light was seething. He's taunting me. He knows that Kira needs a name to kill. But to ridicule me like this, he must know that Kira is connected to this investigation, and he wants Kira to know that he knows. But how? How could this American possibly have deduced any of this? He is without a doubt much more intelligent than he appears.

WHY THE FUCK DID NOBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS

are you ever like. i’m not the right Me right now to hang out with people. wait until the better guy shows up lol this one kind of sucks 

more of the goofy brba role swap au!!!

this time i present better call sall(y) and jesse 

I… becamed a vampire.

Yea so , earlier I had a bite in my neck and I didnt know from what bit me… and then when I woked up, their light from my curtain fuckeing hurt my eyes alot. And well … I am going too work in my powers and hopefally master their so I can use them for good includeing

1. Suck blood

2. Dark teleport

3. Mist form

4. Unholy flame grapple hook