isn't it weird how when you cut yourself on accident it hurts more than when it's on purpose

it seems really pathetic but when you're used to checking someone like your ex-best friend's horoscope it's hard to fall out of that habit.

when i tried talking about my feelings to someone is was about how the two sides of my family don't really like each other so we have to have two thanksgivings, and the girl i was talking to literally said "hahahaha at least you get two thanksgiving! I only get one and my family loves each other" I don't think she got the point...

i remember when it was only at night. when during the day I was safe from those types of thoughts

sometimes i wonder if it's even worth it. who would care. who would cry. or who would simply say "oh that's too bad" and carry on with their lives

when you follow people's advice and they get mad at you for doing so????

does anyone know any like really soothing calming songs

when you have weird depression and in an hour you can go from happy to sad to excited to extremely sad to barfing rainbows to almost throwing up because your crying so hard :))))

when you've been venting on your blog (that literally no one knows about) about your depression and you hear laughter outside and forget that there's happiness in this world

(ok this is really long so if you want to hear the main point skip to "what I'm trying to say (: thx) when I first started a friendship with my ex-best friend, it was probably the best and worst thing I've ever done. We had laughs, talk about love, fears, what we wanted to do with our lives. It was amazing. She made me forget that I was a messed up, depressed mess. Things were going great. But along the way, she started to change. She started caring about how she looked and popularity, and I was fine with that. As long as she didn't forget who comforted her when her cat died, when she broke up with her first boyfriend, who was always there for her. Things were still awesome. Then she started caring more about popularity than the friend who helped her when she had problems with other friends. I was the one who initiated the conversations, and when she actually responded, she always seemed uninterested and bored. And it'd be seven and she'd say "I got to go to sleep bye." I was unsuspecting, thinking that things were going great. Then I started realizing how much she ignored me, in fact, the only time she'd start a conversation was when she needed the answers to homework. I started falling into depression again, self harming again. I gathered up he courage to tell her how she was treating me wasn't right and she turned it into me comforting her about not being a bad friend. She promised she would change. You can probably guess where that went. Yeah, I can't hold a grudge, it's impossible (it's a curse. Only. I got hurt over and over again, not able to do anything about it). So it was a cycle, promise to change, then do the same thing again. I've been trying to cut her off, but I kept thinking about the times before popularity was a thing that mattered. And tonight, on November 15, 2015, I did it. I cut her off. Blocked her, deleted all the messaged, everything. I did what I thought was impossible. what I'm trying to say is, if your the one who always starts the conversations, how one who is only the shoulder, not he one being comforted, cut the person off. Find a new friend (still working out those details lol). I forgive her, I have to. It's mentally, emotionally, and physically impossible to not forgive someone for me. I seemed advice and everyone said "cut her off, stop talking to her." And I thought that was impossible. It was. Was. I finally did it. I know it's one of those "oh she finally did it, it's a cheesy 80's movie" but I did finally do it. My main point is, don't be in a halfway friendship. Don't hang out with people who aren't interested in you. Do what's best for you.

when you want to move on from someone to get over a part of your depression problems but then you realize it will make them sad :)

I was fandom searching the other day then found one direction and they're happier songs and I was like wow I'm not depressed anymore! And I was so happy and things were going great. Then my sister showed me Broken Home by 5sauce and I realized how truly depressed I was. I was really shocked and surprised at how well I hid from my depression. But now I've fallen back into it and can't seem to get back up so that's that

when your depressed and want to start a journal but then realize you'd probably fall out of it, become happier, then find it and fall into those thoughts again so you just start a blog for when it's 1 in the morning and your sad :)

When you watch shows with amazing best friends and then your like "I'm gonna do that with my best friend" and then realize you don't have one :)

does anyone else like think like if they had three wishes what they would be and they are like "I wish my friendship was perfect with.." but then realize it would destroy another friendship so your just kinda stuck and then like stress over what you would wish for without making someone else sad. And then realize that if you were happy someone else would be sad. It was kinda the other way around with the girl I used to call best friend. When I was sad she noticed and it made her visibly happier. And when I was happy she would get annoyed. And then you realize there's so much that's wrong with your life you don't know where to start fixing it :)

When you realize your "friends" just keep you around to talk about their problems but when you try to talk about them everyone runs :)

When parents punish their child for selfharm/suicide attempt/depression???? Why???? Why don't you try to help them???