fucked in the head

the night we met

the night we met i wasn’t even interested in dating or sharing anything. to be honest, i was bored.i was bored and depressed and whatever you feel like adding. but i asked him out without even thinking twice. and he came. and we had a great time. i still didn’t care that much i was just enjoying his company. the moment i came home i realised i have to see him again. still depressed but i just - idk

one year and eight months later we broke up. or whatever is happening between us right now.

but let me tell you. if i wasn’t “bored” that day. i wouldn’t have met the love of my life. that’s how it felt back then, that’s how i feel now. ask me in 5 years from now. he is the love of my life.

this is my place to vent. i now have nowhere to go and no one talk to cause he was my best friend. my rock.the only person who understood. cringe as it sounds.

the best love experiences come when you least expect it. im so happy i got to experience love with him. i hope we will meet again. we have to.

we had to take this step. im aware of that. but it still hurts. it will hurt for awhile. i have to take care of myself for now.

the thing is i blame myself. my mental health was degrading and i started to be so annoying. i couldn’t help it. i think i might have bdp or smth.the good thing is ill start therapy again. its time. ive been dealing with a lot but enough is enough.i think im ready.being aware of things is literally the worst. still doing things. i feel so insecure. i wanna be in a coma so days can pass easily.

anyway, ill wait for you. ill work on myself. i hope you ll do it too. but. in the end its you. ill always be you. ill love you forever, whatever happens.

until further notice.

update i wont be going thru a breakup but there’s a lot of healing to do and i don’t know how to make that happen

i hurt my

wrist at work

and i gotta wake up in 3 hours n im in pain

also i think ill be going thru a breakup soon

i wanna die ngl