ugly fruit

funniest n cutest thing ever is still that woman next to me on the train ages ago, saving her fiancé in her phone as “husband elect”

I’d eaten tofu a few times a month before the pandemic and had no problem with it, but I’ve been too scared to try it again after I had a reaction to some soy milk (itching, tingling, swelling in my mouth, hives, same w this protein brownie I didn’t realise was soy-based until I read the label after my mouth and throat started prickling). I had the idea it was maybe linked to my hayfever and eczema going haywire. THEN I read that apparently some people can be allergic to soy milk but not tofu (something to do w pan-allergens/proteins/pollen, I don’t know, I have oral allergy syndrome affected by different raw fruit, veg n nuts so it made sense)

ANYWAY

I had a day off yesterday and tentatively made a tofu scramble, ate the whole thing on an empty stomach, tentatively taking forkfuls with an antihistamine at the ready, and…no reaction! I did have a slightly dodgy stomach a little while after, but that could be attributed to a few things. Plus I used firm silken tofu and apparently extra firm is lower in fodmaps so there’s hope yet for my ibs. I’m still nervous bc there’s still a few days left of monitoring my eczema, and these things have been so unpredictable the past several years, but. I’ve been searching high and low for an easy plant-based protein option that doesn’t make me fear for my bowels, and if this actually works out, I’m about to go

BUCKWILD

food /////

packed a salad for lunch made of lettuce, spinach, cucumber, baby plum tomatoes, sundried tomatoes, chargrilled artichokes, olives, capers, with nutritional yeast, hemp seeds, and black pepper (plenty of oil, salt, garlic and brine from the deli accoutrements + a lil sandwich on the side), and it looks fucking horrendous but I am having the time of my life rn.

she was everything I’ve ever hoped for n more 🥹🥹🥹

got my new piercing and sitting in the grass on the malahide castle grounds, close as fuck to the stage to see florence + the machine w two of my favourite girlies. I’m so happy. 🥹🥹🥹

marg*t r*bbie is entirely the wrong choice for Barbie to me. it’s too obvious bc she’s beautiful and blonde, but she doesn’t capture what I imagine a human Barbara Millicent Roberts to be. there’s a sort of wholesome, sweet vibe that r*bbie’s beauty is too modern and mature and age-of-instagram for in my head. I’ll still watch and enjoy it but it feels lazy to me, though I know it’s obviously deeply considered. it’s too obvious. it’s just too obvious.

saw this on reddit the other day and it makes me choke up every time I think about it.

[comment by u/GardenChic: “I literally don’t have breasts because I had a double mastectomy when I was 27 (35 now). Implants made me sick so I’m “flat”. At first I thought I wouldn’t look like a “woman” but I think I look more womanly because I did a brave thing. People hardly notice. It’s much easier to run and do yoga and most importantly, when I hug people, they are closer to my heart.”]

ALSO

it really gets on my tits that the protein weetabix advertises itself as 12g protein per 2-biscuit serving, w the tiniest caveat that they’re referring to a serving with the recommended portion of cow’s milk, which is where half that protein total comes from.

especially bc they use rice protein, which is so gentle and kind to my decrepit, volatile body, and I really thought I’d gotten lucky finding a regular, reasonably priced high-protein cereal that doesn’t use whey or soy.

mad how a few years ago, I wanted to make a real effort to reduce my meat/animal product intake, assuming I’d take the trajectory of first going vegetarian and then transitioning into a more plant-based diet, and. it’s been almost the total reverse lmao: relying on meat more than I previously did, while letting go of animal products (mainly dairy). my endocrinologist says irritable bowels are a fairly common side effect of hyperthyroidism, and I’m hoping once I start my medication, things will calm down. I still react badly to a lot of high fodmap foods, which I doubt my thyroid has any relevancy to, but even if it lessens the collective total toilet issues a little, that might give me some wiggle room to add more legumes into my diet and see how I tolerate them. I’m hoping the allergic reactions I got to soy were down to my eczema going haywire last year, but I don’t feel ready to try tofu/tempeh until summer’s over, because the heat is when my skin really kicks off and I don’t wanna add fuel to the fire. I’ve found a plant-based cream cheese substitute I really like (the sainsburys own garlic and herb coconut-based one) and I like coconut yogurt so far. I’m gonna try the vegan applewood smoked cheese slices that everyone says are amazing melted. my dream is that I try soy products again this winter and have no reaction, and then I can incorporate that into my diet more while reducing my meat intake until I’m pretty much pescatarian. and then I’ll see about reducing my fish consumption but crossing that bridge feels a long way off right now lmao

diet /// food ////

I’m really struggling with my protein intake, and I’m talking scraping the lowest end of the recommended spectrum. this is the situation lmaooo:

beans and some lentils really fuck me up ibs-wise. developed lactose intolerance out of nowhere a while ago, but not super severely; I can tolerate hard cheeses and milk in like, chocolate, or batter, but a straight up scoop of ice cream or a lashing of cream cheese in a sandwich does not end well. I do still eat hard cheeses and risk some mozzarella or ricotta here and there, maybe a cheeky dollop of yogurt, but I’ve accepted that even though I’m used to powering through a dodgy stomach, it’s not worth it exacerbating my eczema. plus my cholesterol was higher than it should be the last time it was tested, so trying to cool it on the cheese. I’ve tried lactase pills but didn’t find them helpful enough to be worth relying on them. also tried lactose free dairy products which were fine on my stomach but not great with my skin. around the same time I started having issues with lactose, I had a couple of bad reactions to soy milk. my gp says it’s not uncommon to randomly develop allergies that go away in time, especially if you have eczema. I’ve noticed I’ve had cereals in the past few months that contain soy protein crisps, or soy will be an ingredient in something I’m eating, and I’ve not had any rash or itching/tingling/tightening in my mouth and throat, but I’m still too nervous to try straight up tofu or tempeh again just yet. I’m hugely wary of misinformed fuel to unnecessarily restrict food (mainly bc I’m sick of how much I already can’t eat), and there’s a lot of bullshit fear-mongering about the links between eczema and our diets online, but. I’ve been advised to limit my egg intake by one dermatologist, and while two others I consulted completely disagreed, my last flare-up was so bad, I don’t wanna risk eating more eggs than I already do until I’m confidently out of the woods.

the GOOD news lmaooooo is that I’m absolutely fine with wheat and gluten, and nickel - usually the biggest suspect w my skin condition - didn’t flag up at all when I got tested.

basically my biggest reliable source of protein is meat/fish, which I don’t particularly love and isn’t the most practical. also nuts and seeds, but there’s only so much I can use to plug in the gaps given I’m also trying to lose weight as advised by my gp, and while I’m in no way fearful or avoidant of high-calorie, fatty foods, again, it’s not the most practical. there’s a decent amount of protein in my bread and pasta. I don’t love protein powder but whey isolate is the highest protein per gram option that’s also alright for lactose intolerance so I’m trying to use it here and there but also: not super practical and the jury’s still out on any link between dairy and my eczema. there are meat substitutes like quorn (the egg content is negligible to me) but I’m a bit wary of how high in sodium my diet already is.

there’s nothing I absolutely do not eat, usually to my own detriment lmao. some stuff I know is fine in moderation, like lentils, and I have them sparingly to be sensible, others are bigger risks but I just want a fucking mac n cheese or some falafel or rajma sometimes, so I say fuck it. but even when I’m eating the maximum I can tolerate, the protein content barely makes a dent in my day. and like. if I am throwing caution to the wind and signing myself up for imminent diarrhoea, I doubt I’m holding onto whatever benefit I’d get from those foods?

I’m just whiny and fed up lol. I wish it could be as simple as grabbing some greek yogurt or whipping up a tofu scramble whenever I wanted. I’m sick of having to think so meticulously about what I eat, or just end up with more rashes, blisters, stomach cramps, toilet woes, etc. my baseline has literally become, “well, I won’t die 🥴” and I just. want more than that? lmfaooo

thank god coconut yogurt tastes alright. I tried the oatly oat yogurt last week and was devastated, I really bought a whole giant 400g fuckoff sized tub only to learn it was the texture and taste of spackle. I had to mix in so many things to make it edible and even then I couldn’t get the aftertaste out of my mouth.

I fell asleep briefly after dinner and had a dream I was in A&E trying to explain to the nurses how urgently I needed testing bc I was “much funnier when I was a virgin”.

caved in the shower and shaved my arms about an hour ago, and now I feel like a clown and am overcome w deep sadness and remorse every time I look at them. and I can’t even say shit. it just bugs me. that I thought I was finally okay w them bc when they first grew out I found it so cute I even took photos. and then I realised the hair growth really is cyclic and they hadn’t actually fully, FULLY grown out at that point. and that I never figured out how to remove the hair on the back of my hands without it being this really jarring sudden transition to the hairiness starting at the back of my wrists. like a sleeve lmao. it bugs me that I still wanted to remove the hair on my hands, and most of all it gets on my tits that I clearly went, “this much I can allow but THIS much?!” just affirming everything I was trying to grow out of and thought I had. it bugs me that as much as I already miss it, deep down I know I don’t miss the hair as it was, I miss a lesser amount of it that actually wasn’t true to how my body grew it, so. sad n stoopid.