ugly fruit

weight loss /// calorie counting /// diet ///

hey! I'm sorry to hear you're not in the best place right now. it can be a really frustrating process and it does get you down, but I hope you have the support you need.

I don't mind talking about it at all bc I'm proud of my weight loss and therefore INSUFFERABLE lmao but I should preface this by saying all the usual disclaimers about how I have no medical authority lmao, everyone's body is different, blah blah blah, what works for me might not work for you, blah blah blah, like I am truly not giving any advice here - I don't take that as what you're asking for, just an honest account of what I did to lose weight (and what I'm doing, as I'm still going through this process)?

the main thing for me was what I'd call "gentle" calorie tracking; the usual advice is to like, plug your stats into an online calculator and eat in a deficit amounting to missing one meal's worth of calories per day, but those generic calculations were so off because of my thyroid condition (i.e. my average daily maintenance calories were actually well above what the calculators told me I needed to gain weight) plus they're just...generic? lmao, like, they work on averages, they do not account for everyone's weird shit. so I came up with my own system:

there's honestly so much more - months and months and years' worth of habits and specific processes, but I feel that's the most practical overview. I do wanna stress though: I did not cut out a single food I enjoyed. I still eat and have always eaten chocolate and crisps and burgers and whatever, I just began pairing them with nutritious foods. over time, my tastes and appetite changed, but my approach has been specifically to avoid forcing myself there, adding new foods and habits rather than expressly taking away the things I enjoy, and letting my body and its inclinations slowly develop a hankering for a new, healthier lifestyle.

I did not go from eating fast food every lunch time to craving salads overnight; that is some bullshit lmao. I went from eating a large burger and fries regularly for lunch, to getting a large burger and medium fries with some watermelon after, to getting a medium burger and medium fries with a bigger portion of fruit, to a medium burger and small fries and fruit, to eventually eating more hearty salads with other protein sources and delicious fats because I'd gently trained myself to just genuinely enjoy it. and it takes a long time! if I didn't feel like it, I'd eat what I wanted and try not to sweat it, and just give it another go next time - one meal, one bite at a time. it was really fucking hard at first and I did not see significant weight loss for months, but it was a real trust the process thing.

for what it's worth, I've never tracked my calories out either, because I have not found or been arsed to find anything I trust that reliably gives me this information. I don't believe typical devices (my phone, fitness watches, those screens on exercise machines at the gym) are accurate enough to be worthwhile and I want to focus on exercise for reasons other than weight loss, plus the vast majority of caloric deficits come from reducing intake rather than increasing expenditure, so I just focus on my diet and that's it. it also helps to find motivation for those new habits other than weight loss; eating more protein and vegetables helps in a roundabout way, sure, but I'm more inclined to make an effort because protein helps combat some of my hair thinning from my conditioning, and eating a good amount of diverse veg helps with my IBS symptoms.

it really is just one day at a time, and I hope you're well and know you're not alone in finding it really hard. I just didn't want to make it any harder on myself than it already was, and had to be. x

natural for some does not mean easily achievable lmaoooooo. I cannot believe we’re so far gone in the world of cosmetically enhanced celebrities that people see women like megan thee stallion and tyla and think, yeah, all women could have a body like either one if they just dieted and hit the gym. “I’m sick of the IG baddie surgeries, what happened to all the women who just look like meg and tyla?” mate, I know there’s plenty out there but they’re not a dime a dozen either lmao.

spotted: dead-eyed 30 year old still testing best angle to cut off her sevenhead for work meeting

I’ve added open knits to the list of clothing I refuse to buy or wear. snag on everything, pain in the arse to preserve the integrity of while washing and drying, and most of all I feel awful in them. absolutely love a well-structured jumper. I really dislike how open knits drape on me, I feel so self-conscious about my whole torso in them and they just never work with me. boo. boooooooooooo!

the DO IT FOR HER maggie simpson collage but just pictures of megan thee stallion

my favourite cultural phenomenon is how every straight british man has a story about almost making it as a semi-professional footballer until he injured his leg when he was a teenager.

weight loss /// calorie counting ///

I intentionally lost 22lbs this year after gaining about 40lbs over the past several years. I’ve never dealt with anything like this in my life or committed and succeeded with any vaguely health-related goal other than a 30-day yoga thingy a few years ago. last autumn/winter, I was at rock bottom recovering from a skin condition flare-up that had me borderline suicidal, and my weight had rocketed all the while. I was in so much pain and discomfort in my body and I feel really proud of myself because I actually, like…I really decided I was gonna do it slowly and sustainably and trust the process, do the whole thing as gently and healthily (emotionally and mentally lol) as possible, and I remember all the raised eyebrows from people who stuck their nose in, insisting I wouldn’t get anywhere without a super restrictive diet culture attitude. and it feels so vindicating bc I’m here, 22lbs down from my peak weight at the end of february, having not cut out a single food I enjoy, having not once decided to “never eat X again”, having never cut more than 150-200 calories at a time (where people advise much higher restrictions, and never reducing my caloric intake more frequently than once every few weeks, minimum, until I felt fully satiated and comfortable with the new pattern). all with a thyroid disorder too. and I stuck with it, even when my weight wouldn’t budge, or rose a little, and I felt like it was the most impossible thing in the world. I trusted and resolved to be so kind to myself, and it actually worked. I’m so proud of myself. I would love to post more about the whole process but I know it can be a really difficult and sensitive subject, and I know I can post whatever I like, but. I don’t know. there’s so much baggage and so many weird caveats - it’s been a real journey beyond the past ten months - that I’ve mainly just kept it to myself, but yeah lol. I’m so proud.

every time I, the town fool, set my alarm, I think about the time I overslept one morning and just could not believe it bc I distinctly remembered setting my alarm for 7am the night before. and then I unlocked my phone and it turned out I’d just typed “700” into the calculator.

just remembered when this guy came to talk to my primary school in an assembly, I can’t remember what for exactly but he was a white english guy who’d been travelling around the world, and was giving us this presentation of different cities and homes in west africa. and he’d done it in such a way where like, he had a slide of natural landscapes and relatively small villages and went, “I bet all of you think that everyone in africa lives like this…no electricity…no cars…but what if I told you there are cities like THIS?!” you know, cue next slide of lagos lit up at night, etc. and it was the FUNNIEST thing bc he’d clearly had luck with that having impact in other schools but like. we were literally a bog standard south london primary school, the majority of us were either west african, south asian, or from the caribbean, and were already completely past those sort of beliefs. so he was awkwardly standing in front of this room full of sullen lil brown children with their eyebrows raised, completely unimpressed. I just remember the teachers shiftily sneaking glances at one another like, who organised this?

people were being so melodramatic n corny about that b*yoncé photo. it was washed out to hell and back, I’ll give them that, it was not an accurate depiction of her skintone at ALL, but come on. her actual face and features were not unrecognisable, her face looks exactly the same in that photo as she does in all the renaissance tour footage, minus the complexion difference and weirdly drawn lipliner. I’m not saying it’s her destiny’s child face but come on. people were going as far as saying she looks like a kardashi*n and fucking come on.

a colleague of mine spoke about how a relative of his who used to live in isr*** is beside himself because he’s seen “these things happen on tv to places like afgh*nist*n and syr*a but it always felt so distant and now he feels like he understands because it’s happening to his country”. I cannot fathom the cognitive dissonance. I wonder if those 70km away, obliterated by his state, have ever known - will ever know - that sort of peace.