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trying to be happy

@ohuhhuhhoney-blog

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i hate that it still affects me. i wish i just could get over it but i can't seem to let it go

dang, i regret everything i believed about him. i thought he was the same person i fell in love with, but i guess u can't assume anything about anyone. i went thru hell for him and he only kept that going for me.

i hate feeling replaced or not good enough for people anymore. i've legit lost almost all of my friends so rn i'm sitting all alone on the ground with a bunch of people walking past me

i've been thinking about my adoption lately. it honestly just keeps replaying in my head how my life would be if my birth mom was in my life. she never got to hold or see me. i wonder if she ever thinks about what i'm doing or who i've become and i always think about if i look like her. i'm constantly thinking about her.. i don't even know her, but i want to. i want her to be in my life, and even the thought of her being hurt makes me cry. i only know her name and she still means a lot to me.

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don't try to tell me what i can and cannot do. you don't rule the world honey boo boo

you're like the sunset, you're so beautiful yet you leave so soon and the night turns cold

i'm never good enough for anyone. they always leave me high and dry bc i'm not what they wanted.

i'm such a terrible person. everything i touch breaks. anyone i talk to it just becomes a complete mess

if i could take everything back i would. knowing what i know now i wish i could go back to change it all. i wish i never made the mistakes i did. i'm so fucking stupid and i regret every letting myself be so stupid. i wish i could just go back

The night sky once ruled my imagination. Now I turn the dials with careful calculation. After a while, I thought I’d never find you. I convinced myself that I would never find you, When suddenly I saw you. At first I thought you were a constellation. I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation: You’re as beautiful as endless, You’re the universe I’m helpless in.

when we met, our universes were beautifully combined. our universes collided with perfect harmony. your stars shown brightly with unison to my color and our moon lit up the night. i relied on you to keep our world shining. until one day my colors were too dull for you. my universe, without you, didn't shine.

i'm scared of falling again and letting myself be vulnerable to people i like. i'm scared of getting hurt again so i slowly distance myself.

i know i've made huge mistakes but i've realized i gotta move on from that feeling of disgust with myself. shit happens but i've learned my lesson ,fair and square