XXX

I don’t know what hurts more, losing people or losing myself,

I hear things ya know? and talk to myself, I try not to be crazy, keep my composure and be strong, I am strong, but weak at the same time, if that even makes sense, the mystery behind me isn’t anything cool, or exciting it’s depressing, it’s sad, I’ll always be alone in my mind, with my actions, lies, motives,

I’ll always lose people because I’m at never ending war with myself, I lean on people to save me from myself, when in reality the only way to save me is to kill me,

my depressions comforted me for so long, I’ve to some degree become fond or even used to it, I can’t blame my mom , or the girls who loved me for leaving, in the end all there is, is me, it’s not rewarding or suprising , this character I’ve become , is it even me? is this what I wanted? I’m not sure,

the nightmares, sleepless nights, crazy thoughts, they all play a role, I had someone who could ease it ya know? and I made it my goal to ruin it, literally, she was so good to me, she was my heroin, or “heroine” I broke her, completely, but not only to ruin her, to build her, and she hung on , for so long, for so fucking long,

now I’ve reached a point where I can no longer progress, I’m in a pond with a canoe rather than in the ocean around me in a sailboat,

nothing excites me, nothing will give me joy for to long, only pain and sorrow is what has made me feel or comforted me,

being suicidal dosent exactly help these habits either, I had a drug stage where I would pop pills on pills, just to not feel anything at all, I’d get lost, and than create a motive,

the problem now is that my motives are always surrounded with these evil intentions, I’ve come to think I’m literally a villain at heart,

the thing is , villains are necessary for a story to go about, but, they never find love, or comfort in reasonable motive, just the craziest the things, when im good im sad, when im bad I feel alive, but than I hate myself after,

my insanity has been feeding on me since I could walk, I’d only prayed I’d found someone who figured it out and had the patience to keep me, to disregard the pain and only feed me love, it’s selfish of me, I know, but where are you, angel, my wing ridden angel,

save me - xxx

fair warning to my supporters, my art form is about to get ten times better

https://www.instagram.com/p/BefCtD0nPW0/

wow 😭😭😭😂

hello

hello

XXX

I don’t know what hurts more, losing people or losing myself,

I hear things ya know? and talk to myself, I try not to be crazy, keep my composure and be strong, I am strong, but weak at the same time, if that even makes sense, the mystery behind me isn’t anything cool, or exciting it’s depressing, it’s sad, I’ll always be alone in my mind, with my actions, lies, motives,

I’ll always lose people because I’m at never ending war with myself, I lean on people to save me from myself, when in reality the only way to save me is to kill me,

my depressions comforted me for so long, I’ve to some degree become fond or even used to it, I can’t blame my mom , or the girls who loved me for leaving, in the end all there is, is me, it’s not rewarding or suprising , this character I’ve become , is it even me? is this what I wanted? I’m not sure,

the nightmares, sleepless nights, crazy thoughts, they all play a role, I had someone who could ease it ya know? and I made it my goal to ruin it, literally, she was so good to me, she was my heroin, or “heroine” I broke her, completely, but not only to ruin her, to build her, and she hung on , for so long, for so fucking long,

now I’ve reached a point where I can no longer progress, I’m in a pond with a canoe rather than in the ocean around me in a sailboat,

nothing excites me, nothing will give me joy for to long, only pain and sorrow is what has made me feel or comforted me,

being suicidal dosent exactly help these habits either, I had a drug stage where I would pop pills on pills, just to not feel anything at all, I’d get lost, and than create a motive,

the problem now is that my motives are always surrounded with these evil intentions, I’ve come to think I’m literally a villain at heart,

the thing is , villains are necessary for a story to go about, but, they never find love, or comfort in reasonable motive, just the craziest the things, when im good im sad, when im bad I feel alive, but than I hate myself after,

my insanity has been feeding on me since I could walk, I’d only prayed I’d found someone who figured it out and had the patience to keep me, to disregard the pain and only feed me love, it’s selfish of me, I know, but where are you, angel, my wing ridden angel,

save me - xxx

— xxxtentacion (via brookstaberaux)

I stopped looking for love

make sure you’re taking care of yourself, first. you know when you’re in an airplane, they always play some video telling you that, in the event of a crash, always put your air mask on first before helping those around you. and i always think, what if there is a child? shouldn’t i help the child first? they need me to put their mask on for them, they can’t do it by themselves. but the thing is, you can only help someone else get their mask on if you’re conscious. if you don’t put your mask on first, you might pass out helping them get on theirs. then, they wont be able to help you. or worse, you could faint before they have it on right and now you’re both screwed. now, imagine this mask is mental health. you have to make sure you’re okay before helping everyone else around you.

songs that make me sad (and will probably make you sad too) - (link)

I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You - Rusty Clanton

Photograph - Ed Sheeran

When We Were Young- Adele

I’ll Always Remember You - Hannah Montana

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

fragile - gnash ft. WRENN

Don’t Forget - Demi Lovato

Stay - Rihanna

Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran

The Scientist - Coldplay

Jealous - Labrinth

From the Dining Table - Harry Styles

End of the Day - One Direction

Skinny Love - Birdy

Breathe Me - Sia

Autumn Leaves - Ed Sheeran

All I Want - Kodaline

(cont. on the playlist)