kim is such a real one cuz if you fail a check to pick your nose and instead piss yourself in front of a random stranger he'll be like no no my partner is just messing with you, it's a prank, etc. he never sells you out, but afterwards he will take you aside and be like look. if you need to go potty just tell me. and throw those trousers out while you're at it they do not help your complexion.

as a kid i had one of those “there’s a monster under my bed” moments except real.

every night i would cry about a ghost or something trying to scare me by knocking on my bedroom windows and walls. like, really loudly, every hour or so, every night. only at night. so my dad was like “heh okay kiddo let’s check it out :) ah see? there’s nothing here :)” and left.

until years later he admitted to me that he did in fact hear the unexplainable knocking when he slept in that room one night, and it kept him awake with fear. and suddenly felt awful for not believing little kid me.

imagine your kid being like “daddy there’s a demon in my closet” and you being like ok son lemme just check that for you :). and you open the door and there’s a demon in the closet

WHAT

forgot my night time garlic bread in the oven for the length of 2 mythbusters wpisodes and when i opened the oven door it was so thoroughly cremated that i was blinded not by smoke and ash but what surely must have been its Soul as well

I know everyone says it’s best to just stick to “said” as a dialogue tag bc it disappears and that’s true and I mostly do but I want to take a moment for my all-time favorite dialogue tag, “lied.” Absolutely nothing hits like “‘I’m here to help,’ he lied.” NOTHING.

ABSOLUTELY one of my favourites.

is he okay

Damn he must've contributed so much to Morbius' gross

That's the funniest part. For his Morbius vid, he actually bought tickets to Everywhere All At Once and snuck into Morbius each time as to not play any part in making Sony think that they should make more Morbius.

Not all heroes wear capes, but according to that thumbnail this one does

update:

btw being excessively nonconfrontational is NOT a positive trait. it does not mean u are “too nice” or just too kind to hurt people, it means u have a problem communicating and you need to work on it.

There are people in the notes saying that the alternative reason is that they’re doing it because of trauma and i gotta say that

1) same. I did have this same problem and reason for doing it.

2) this is not actually an alternate reason. You guys also have a problem communicating and while you can trace exactly WHY you have trouble communicating that doesn’t mean it’s okay to treat everyone like they’re potentially your former abuser and that you DO still need to work on this.

‘This behavior comes from trauma’ and ‘This behavior is harmful to you, to others and to your relationships with others’ are two truths that can co-exist, and that do co-exist quite frequently.

getting blazed as fuck in public, thinking "boy I sure hope no one knows how high I am right now", and then having the jumpscare of your life when duolingo gives you this notification

the most attractive traits you can give a fictional man:

Bowser

Oh, you said Cook

I accidentally follow people so much on this site that i dont know who half the people on my dash are

Tf2 players have the best usernames sometimes

Since it's watermelon season!

My grandfather used to grow watermelons, among other things, and he told me about most of this, especially the orange spot. Those are the absolute best!

i have been given nothing but shiny elongated watermelons with small webbings and white spots. and they make me wanna kill myself

My grandfather used to tell me the best watermelons are the ones you steal from the back of a truck so I guess we all learned some watermelon knowledge from our grandfathers

I sent a letter today - something I haven’t done for years

It’s full of plastic bread clips

It’s for Science

At the risk of loosing some mystery, I think I should add some context:

There’s this website-I mean, scientific organization called the Holotypic Occlupanid Reasurch Group.

They are a group of abiologists who study and classify Bread clips.

I found a species that has not yet been described:

Yay for citizen science 👍

wtf?

Apparently HORG is widely appreciated by pediatricians since knowing exactly what kind of Occlupanid a child may have swallowed makes removing it safely much easier

IIRC this is actually part of the reason HORG was started. A man swallowed a breadclip and the clip closed around part of his tissue linings (in his intestines I think?). The specific shape and flexibility of the clip were significant determining factors in the removal process, as some bread clips have spikes and prongs that would have made extraction more complicated. They started the taxonomy so they could work out extraction techniques for each type.

are you fucking kidding me occlu like oculus or close and panid like bread. its a fancy word for breadcloser

happy very specific archive thursday, everyone

it’s ok blåhaj, mommy and mommy are just wrestling right now

you don’t need to worry! we just get really competitive, don’t mind the noise

I feel like if you scream at a small animal loud enough it would simply explode 

does this work on babies and children?

what is man but an animal playing god?