Just your average shipost blog

friend!

I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just… answer it…

The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.

Scary nurse in a creepy voice: “Do you have an appointment to see the doctor?”

Me: “Uh. Do you accept walk-ins?”

Scary farmer: “I like to kill people!”

My friend, brightly: “I like to die!”

Zombie : “AARRRGH”

Me : “Do you get dental insurance?”

Zombie : “TEETH!!”

This happened to me.

Scary prison dude: HELLO

Me: Nice to meet you!

Him: (pause) No it’s noooooot

My worst horror house experience was when I couldn’t find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying “please scream as loud as you can when you run out there” and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that

Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend?  Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet?  Guy: … Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing).  – Got to walk a second time through–  Same guy: My friends -wailing-  Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh. 

I went to a Haunted House and literally befriended every actor there.

Specifically, I remember;

There were zombies walking around in the waiting room. I said “Hi!” and he gave me a high five. Every time he passed from then on, I got a high five.

Near the end, there were these twin little girls. “Come play with us.” They said. “Okay!” I said. “Forever.” They said. “Oh, sorry, can’t do that. I’m busy.”

I could hear them giggling.

Guy playing Freddie Kruger: Remember, you are all my children!

Me: thanks dad

A small chorus of teenagers: thanks dad

I went to a haunted corn maze once. Someone ran at me with a chainsaw. I just stared at him. He hung his head and walked away. I left.

The Real Horror Is The People We Dissapointed Along The Way

IM CRYING

My friends and I were in a really dark part of a haunted house and couldn’t find the exit, so the guy who had just jumped out at us had to say “to your left” in his same scary voice he’d used to scream and we were like “thanks!”

And then after a few moments of patting blindly at the wall he says again in the same ominous voice “your other left”

World Heritage Post

good night

"he tastes like you only sweeter" is an insane thing to say dawg that song used to play on the radio

Sexy Samuel L. Jackson 😎

Happy (late) birthday to the king of animation! — and the king of cross dressing... 😳 😏

I haven't seen dancing pumpkin guy ONCE this year, are you guys okay?

FINE! I'll do it myself

Why did 12 people reblog this today??? IT IS ONLY AUGUST!!!

refuse to fact check this. don’t want to be disappointed

First Encounter

its so wild to me that the medici family still exists. motherfuckers are old money

people on twitter are like "you have generational wealth if your parents buy you groceries" meanwhile these bitches are living in beverly hills mansions bought with their great great great grandpappys investment banking money from 1378

Imagine having an ancestor who's playable in civ

imagine having an ancestor who gets killed in an assasains creed game

Good news everyone! The first ever bloodhound has won best in show.

Look at him. His name is Trumpet.

ghost friend <3

im going to set everything on fire

Yup. That checks out.

Hes my new meow meow

that’s literally the whole episode

NADJA AND LASZLOS MATCHING RED STREAKS?!??!!! SOBBING I LOVE THEM