And now it is nearly 6 PM on the day that has no name, and I am still here at my desk working on one specific math proof, which will not be done this evening and may not get done before I sleep tonight. I can’t afford to keep on being like this, it’s going to take me a couple of weeks to get it out of my system, but my whole life is just this, isn’t it, and yet no one seems to realize this and yet it all seems too obvious to explain, because there are so many other factors in the picture –
I want to stop, I really do, I really want to stop, but instead I keep getting up and going to the kitchen for some food, so that I can feel less physically sick because of the way my body is responding to some minor emotional provocation, because I don’t know about this and no one seems to notice, and no one seems to care, and it is just so much, the more I think about it the more it takes over my entire mental landscape, and there are no clear-cut boundaries, so I am in the very strange position of having nothing else to think about, so I keep thinking about it –
I feel like I’ll break if I keep thinking about it, I can’t think about anything else, but I can’t stop, I just keep thinking –
I've been there too man, idk how many more "fuck it we ball"s I have left in me. So much thinking and getting food and getting stuff out of the system for a few weeks and no one is really there








