"Hello, world!"

"dual wielding is too dangerous and impractical to be effective in real life combat" dual wielding is cool and sexy and sick as fuck and he who makes his enemy look like a lame little punk ass loser has already won half the battle before he even starts fighting the war. sun tzu said that.

More and more I’ve been getting distressed over how “long ago” certain “chronological events” were. But I think I’ve come to the conclusion that time is not linear and anyone who claims it is is a scammer or a cop.

2013 was 10 years ago. 2014 was 6 years ago. 2017 was recent, but the kind of recent with a comfortable buffer of aged time around it, like a nice cheese. 2019 likely did not happen, and if it did happen it was a filler year that is optionally skippable and doesn’t actually contribute to passing time. 2020 lasted 2 years but in a side timeline that does not actually push 2014-2018 any farther back. 2021 and 2022 were a single year. 2018 was 2.5 years ago. The last 9 months were the void where the tape recorder runs out. Do you get it?

Uhhh, "Spider-Hawk" I guess?

Across the spiderverse said “oh you guys liked the experimental animation style of the last movie? bet” and cranked it up to ten billion and i thank them for that

the difference between fantasy and sci-fi? well there’s a “quest” and then there’s a “mission”

In fantasy you have companions and in sci-fi you have squadmates

In fantasy you have "'coins" and in sci-fi you have "credits"

the r/curatedtumblr -> tumblr migration is so funny to me. it's like going to the zoo and enjoying it so much you climb into the enclosure to live with the monkeys

bands in the late 60s were like “due to record company requirements and amphetamines being available OTC in every drug store, we are releasing 2 of the best albums of all time within the space of a year. maybe 3 albums if we really hate each other.”

#oh no now i’m thinking about all the people inspired to become n7 because of shepard#and what kind of figure she’d be to them#recruits arguing about which of the stories are real and which were made up to get people to keep fighting the reapers#about the way a lot of them quietly mutter her name before a drop#the wounded on a planet that isn’t theirs looking up at strange stars and sighing thanks to shepard as the search lights find them#the scarred marine who glances over and tells the newbies they should name the shuttle ‘lola’ if they want it to bring them home#about alliance ships with memorial walls that always have an empty space at the top they touch in a hush on their way to suit up#the ones who tap the n7 designation on their uniforms like they’re asking for a saint’s blessing#asking for victory or protection or just good luck#asking that their aim is true and that they’ll keep their people safe#quiet prayers in dozens of languages breathed out in helmets and over comms#offering pleas and gratitude to their hero#to the shepard in the dark (queerly-it-is)

websites love getting worse its their favourite activity

when you download a pdf and it's called like 1328723486basdf12.pdf but then you gently rename it to what it's supposed to be. that's forming a bond with a hurt and wild mythological creature and reminding it who it is.

im not even joking rn this fucking painting made me start uncontrollably sobbing. Do you know how long it took to paint? How expensive it was? The cat was content for hours and so loved that the girl held him there and paid for him to be painted with her. Imagine having such a bond… imagine being so loved and loving so much back…

Apparently this is almost a genre of painting. Its human nature to love and cradle cats …. And the bond these cats and their people have. To sit together for hours to get a painting to attempt to immortalize the love you two shared

Let me show you these charming paintings by a French artist Léon Comerre! I like to think these ladies were like "me and my kitty look so cute together, we must get a portrait made of us so that everyone knows how we love each other" 💕

(Also, having matching ribbons with your cat is the loveliest idea ever 🎀)

Meanwhile, I'm a fan of this Gainsborough, where, if you squint, you can see the outline of a furious cat who was not about to be in this portrait:

cassandra: hey leliana wheres the hero of ferelden

leliana, master spy and gf of the hero of ferelden: uhhhh no clue find someone else

cassandra: yes that sounds like the truth

you’ve got to embrace being weird or else you’re going to die both spiritually and for real life

scanning facebook this morning and felt like I was having a stroke

i love you, media without romance

i especially love you, character-centric media that explores the bonds between characters but still has no romance

you gotta be as gay as possible on the computer otherwise alan turing died for nothing

my friend liz downloaded some free audio software a few months ago to do something and now every time she joins a call a female voice says “trial. trial.” and liz doesn’t remember the name of the software or know how to stop it and she doesn’t want to

my friend liz had her spotify account hacked and literally didn’t realize for a year until I was talking about my decade in review playlist and she looked at hers and it was all brazilian music and she was like oh this explains why I would go to sleep listening to classical music and wake up and it’s playing trap. and also why there are like 30 playlists on my account that I didn’t make. she just thought spotify was like that

hand to god at some point my friend liz managed to fuck up her install of Portal so bad that it was displaying minecraft textures

like she’s bringing me dead mice

i think a lot of the magic of this shithole website actually comes from the fact that the search feature is completely useless… like the fact that you quite literally cannot search for a post even if you type it in word for word means that all the classic, beloved, and infamous posts are these ephemeral things that only come around every so often and can only be found organically when they happen to make it to your dash like a flock of rare migratory birds