Instagram: abookandadream

“Morning light can make the most vulgar things tolerable” — the secret history, by donna tartt.

The sun will rise, and we’ll try again

via @WeHeartIt

People are replicating the feeling of a Bethesda game IRL so well that I’m scared someone’s going to get caught clipped through the floor

ive never played a video game in my life and this is so fucking funny 

listening to spotify on ur laptop when u dont have premium: heres some ads every now and then :)

listening to spotify on ur phone when u dont have premium: u wanted to listen to a SONG u fucking idiot? no, u can only shuffle the album its from–oh ho oh, u wanted to listen to the ALBUM only?? fool that u are, u wldnt know that u now have to listen to songs we picked by throwing darts at a list of that genre–oh and dont forget the 30sec-1 min ads u fucking shit face. u asshole. fuck u

Reblog this if you slept with my ex-wife Susan.

Trying to prove a point to my divorce lawyer.

Since the two best-selling games of all time are Tetris and Minecraft, I think we can safely say that people fucking LOVE squares

i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second

anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk

and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something

paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.

i say, paul.

is that a nerf gun.

yeah, says paul.

i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.

he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?

and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–

a foam dart hits me in the leg.

i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.

i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.

no dart this time. okay. sweet.

so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it 

anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.

The “I won’t hesitate, bitch” vine but @ friends who don’t love themselves

Heat index was 110 degrees so we offered him a cold drink. He went for a full body soak instead

he accepted ur cold drink!!

some ppl who grew up with siblings didnt rly Grow Up With Siblings. like if you and your brother are 10 yrs apart u just dont get it… if you had siblings within 3yrs of your age you had the genuine experience of primitive undeveloped human brains pummeling the shit out of each other because none of us have developed frontal cortices and the laws of man don’t apply in the confines of this house

it’s 5:41 in the morning L A D S. 

it’s time to post fat tiger

if high waisted jeans go out of fashion one day my life is doomed

nothing’s out of fashion if you don’t give a shit