Log in

Nyangiana

@nyangiana

Bisexual disaster. Chaotic evil. Not so secret communist.
Posts
nyangiana
emilyelizabethfowl
Avatar
transgenderization

if you got like a 100kilo bag of glitter and opened it up and left it in the path of like a tornado i think that would be interesting. i dont care abt ecological damage btw

Avatar
dropbear42

I do. 100kg bag of seaweed based glitter.

Avatar
thyrell

i dont. 100kg bag of enriched uranium based glitter

Avatar
thyrell

wait isnt uranium denser than lead how heavy would a 100kg bag of uranium be

Avatar
cursologist

thyrell.

Avatar
thyrell

just kill me

Avatar
thyrell
nyangiana
emilyelizabethfowl

I want to take a dollar bill and write “are you Misha Collins” on it and maybe one day it’ll end up in his hands and he’d be the one mind fucked for once

the journey has begun…

DOING THIS ON EVERY DOLLAR I COME ACROSS

Like I said

fandom will take over american currency

i cannot wait til he gets one and tweets about it omfg

Avatar
destiel-honeypie
Avatar
spnheritageposts

Spn heritage post

Avatar
agoddamnedrayofsunshine

It’s not illegal to deface American currency actually!!

It’s illegal to deface it in a manner that makes the money unusable (shredding/burning etc) but you can write stuff on money or draw a mustache on George Washington to your heart’s content.

When I worked at a bank I got all sorts of bills with weird shit on them, from “fuck trump” to “for a good time call”. They all went in the vault- still totally useable and therefore not illegal :)

Avatar
the-haiku-bot

It’s not illegal

to deface American

currency actually!!

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

nyangiana
beenovel
Avatar
jenlog

if any minors are following me

always make sure to start forging parents' signatures on the first day of class. that way, your teachers won't know that you've been forging signatures for the rest of the year

Avatar
jenlog

hey I'm seeing some concerned parents and teachers in the notes, and I just want to say:

lmaooooo

nyangiana
hedgehog-moss
Avatar
hedgehog-moss

The Least Intimidating bakery in the village has closed for good so now I’ve got to go to the Intimidating Bakery, it’s awful. If you don’t have a PhD in being French I don’t recommend going to that bakery, here’s the humiliating account of the 3 times I’ve visited it so far:

  • the first time I went in there I pointed at one of those extra-skinny baguettes and said “a flute, please” feeling pretty sure of myself, and the baker said “… that’s a ficelle” (you idiot) (was implied) “a flute is twice as large as a baguette.”
  • That’s insane, first of all, a flute is a skinny instrument. Call your fat baguette a bassoon, lady—I made some timid remark about how it would make more sense for a flute to be a skinny bread and the baker said, “In Paris it is. I thought you were from the South?”
  • oh, that hurt
  • I guess I’m from the part of the South that’s so close to Italy the bread’s waist size matters less than whether it’s got olives in it, but I left the bakery having an existential crisis over whether living in Paris had made me forget my roots
  • the Least Intimidating Bakery just had normal baguettes vs. seedy baguettes vs. horny baguettes (easy mode, some have seeds, some have horns), while the new bakery has breads that are only different on a molecular level—there’s a good old loaf and then another, identical loaf called a bastard? google told me a bastard is “halfway between a baguette and a bread” but denouncing them like “those are not regulation-sized bastards” would get me banned from the bakery for life
  • on my 2nd visit (while I stood in line discreetly googling baguette terminology) there was an English tourist who asked for a baguette while pointing at what was either a rustique or a sesame and I felt a bit worried for them, but the baker just clarified “this one?” to waive any responsibility if they found out later it wasn’t a classic baguette, then handed them the bread without educating them in a judgmental tone and I felt envious
  • I know it’s because she thinks the English are beyond saving but still it made me want to come back with a fake moustache and an English accent so I wouldn’t be expected to play bakery on expert mode just because I’m French. I asked for a pastry this time and the baker asked “no bread with that?” which felt cruel, like she wanted me to sprinkle myself with ashes and admit out loud that my level of bread proficiency isn’t as advanced as I once believed it was
  • The third time I went, I had lost all self-confidence and I hesitantly pointed at a bread and said “I’d like this, uh—what is it called?” and the baker looked at me in disbelief and said “That’s a baguette.”
  • God.
  • for the record, if that stupid bread had been flanked by a skinny bread (ficelle) and a fat one (flute) then yeah of course I would have known to call it a baguette, but in the absence of reference points I now felt lost and scared of being called a Parisian again
  • it’s hard to express the depth of my suffering so I’ll just let the facts speak for themselves: this morning a French person (me) stood in a French bakery in France surrounded by French people and pointed at a baguette and said “what is this called”
nyangiana
emilyelizabethfowl
Avatar
catchymemes
Avatar
undeadhousewife

My dad was an aviation engineer and used to spray paint his tools the most obnoxious hot pink he could find. Not only did it make it easy to find his tools, but the amount of guys who wanted to use them went down drastically, and they always made sure to bring them back to my dad so they wouldn’t be caught with pink tools.

My dad always got a kick out if it, and to this day a good chunk of his tools at home are a beautiful shade of hot pink.

Avatar
texnessa

Never forget the man, the myth, the legend: Pool Shark Pete

nyangiana
beenovel
Avatar
thranduilland

Bard shocking/confusing elves with figures of speech...

Bard: That ship has sailed!!
Galadriel: *offended elf noises*
–
Bard: I’m afraid you’ve missed the boat on that one!
Galadriel: *more offended elf noises*
–
Bard: The cat’s out of the bag now.
Thranduil: Why was the cat in the bag to start with?
–
Bard: You know what they say, curiosity killed the cat!
Thranduil: Is this the same cat that was in the bag? Is that why it died?
–
Bard: Gonna burn that bridge when we get to it.
Thranduil: What? Why would you do that?
–
Bard: Can everyone just turn over a new leaf, please? We all need to be on the same page, here!
Thranduil: Are we reading a book?
–
Bard: I’ll add that to my bucket list.
Thranduil: Why do you have a list of buckets?
Bard: Uhm…
–
Bard: Well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.
Thranduil: Perhaps YOU cannot…
–
Bard: Yes, you’re my other half.
Thranduil: Other half of what?
–
Bard: Has the cat got your tongue?
Thranduil: I thought the cat was dead? Or is this a new cat? Is there more than one cat?
–
Bard: I don’t think you understand. I need you and Dain arguing like I need a hole in the head!
Thranduil: Why would you need that?
Bard: Yes, exactly.
–
Bard: Alright, I know you both can barely be civil to each other, so, let’s start with the low hanging fruit.
Thranduil: I didn’t realize we were discussing food.
Bard: No.
–
Bard: I’ll be honest, you guys have to meet me halfway, here!
Thranduil: But we’ve already met.
–
Bard: I’m in stitches over here, oh my god.
Thranduil: You’re hurt?!
–
Bard: I have miles to go before I sleep…
Elrond: I thought you were staying here for a week?
Bard: That’s not what I- never mind.
–
Bard:: Look, can we all just not throw the baby out with the bathwater?
Thranduil: WHY WOULD WE DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
Bard: No.
nyangiana
agirlwithachakram
Avatar
beggars-opera

Rocky Horror is turning 50 next month and people still act like being gay was invented by Ellen in 1997

Avatar
beggars-opera

But honestly! Renowned French poet Théophile de Viau wrote the poetic ode to King James titled "The Duke of Buckingham," containing the immortal lines "One man fucks Monsieur le Grand de Bellegarde/Another fucks the Comte de Tonnerre/And it is well known that the King of England/Fucks the Duke of Buckingham" exactly 400 years ago and people still act like being gay was invented by Oscar Wilde in 1890

Avatar
hugh-lauries-bald-spot

Niankhkhnum and Khnumhotep were buried together in the 25th century BC and people still act like being gay was invented by renowned French poet Théophile de Viau 400 years ago

Avatar
insufficientdata

Gilgamesh and Enkidu "loved each other like man and wife" in 2700 BC and ppl STILL act like being gay was invented by Niankhkhnum and Khnumhotep in the 25th century BC

nyangiana
beenovel
Avatar
insomniac-arrest

it’s so bizarre when animated American films are set in a certain location and then only certain characters have the accents of that place. It makes no damn sense!! like

WHY IS SHE MORE FRENCH THAN THE REST OF THEM???

Avatar
insomniac-arrest

WHY ARE THESE GUYS MORE SCOTTISH THAN THE KIDS??

(also, aren’t they Vikings or something?)

Avatar
bramblepatch

To be fair, almost everyone in Ratatouille does have a French accent. The real question is why Linguini and also all the rats sound intensely American

If it was just the rats I’d say it’s because the movie can be interpreted to mean that the rats understand but don’t necessarily speak human languages so the rat dialog isn’t literally taking place the way we see it but that doesn’t explain why Linguini has a rat accent

LINGUINI HAS A RAT ACCENT 

Do we ever hear like

For sure that Linguini grew up in France tho?

It could be possible he’s just an American immigrant

I mean his name is Alfredo Linguini so I always assumed he was Italian

I’m sorry his first name is Alfredo?

What

Avatar
insomniac-arrest

ALFREDO???

Avatar
bauliya

he’s American you guys his mother was American it was mentioned in the beginning

Avatar
insomniac-arrest

I’m sorry, I’ve moved on to the fact his mother was going through her cupboard for baby names

Avatar
ohemaa-warrior

Alfredo was a name before it was a sauce let’s go over the movie from the top again

Avatar
dappercyborg

This is Alfredo di Lelio (right) the inventor of fettuccine Alfredo, he’d come out to the table and make it in front of you by hand

The chap on the left is an airport

Avatar
dappercyborg

I just realised I got my left and right mixed up, that’s happening more and more recently?

Avatar
delgado-master

The chap on the right looks like John F Kennedy?

Avatar
hexthelex

This post is a ripe mess and Gordon Ramsay is due to inspect in ten minutes…