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The Humble Art of Lying

@nutwit / nutwit.tumblr.com

metaphorically literal and literally metaphoric / Madeline she/they, 25, wife+ / neither protheistic nor atheistic nor agnostic but a secret forth thing / ace/pan multitude container (@w@) / average visual snow enjoyer / think about it this way: dna has to encode how to die, too

emperor kuzco was clearly gay

hes 19, with unlimited power, and he ain’t got a gf. the only time we see him interact with any women his own age is when he’s rejecting like 7 of them rapid fire. he pretends to date pacha in a gag that lasts like 10 solid minutes. listen to me god damnit

Okay, but just in case anyone is coming to tumblr dot com for my hot takes on 20+ year old kids' movies: Kuzco super WAS gay (or at least coded as such) and of course, I didn't get it until I watched it as a gay grownup.

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

So yes. There you have it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.

In response to the question “How did a movie like this get made at all much less by fucking Disney?” there was a recent Vulture article that outlines the whole shit show of a history behind this film according to everyone (writers, directors, VAs, Stings) involved. The gist of the story is that they fucked up making a whole, true-to-form Disney musical that never came to see the light of day SO BADLY that Disney switched directors, locked the writer’s room, and didn’t review a single script until weeks after the film was in theaters.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

holy shit read the article. it’s worth it and completely batshit

This is fucking insane

I've never adequately appreciated the batshit brilliance of this joke, I've taken it for granted

This reminds me of the time I accidentally bought the dubbed German language version of Inland Empire off Amazon and for the first half hour or so thought it was just David Lynch being weird as usual.

I wish it would be real, sadly it is not.

A teacher once told me about when she attended an art gallery screening.

They were shown nothing but a giant blue screen.

Their reactions: “It is so, so deep blue. Like the ocean. Like the sky. Like Kurt Cobain’s eyes. It makes me think about my soul.”

Teacher: “That’s just my Microsoft computer randomly shutting down and doing the death screen. This is not what you were meant to see.”

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I don't like to add to the noise of Software Developer Do Dumb Thing, but I feel like this is as if the Japanese government sent me an email going "it turns out there are a lot of you named Kenji Tanaka, so to solve this problem we are retiring passport numbers"

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Our username system makes it difficult for folks fluent in other languages to express themselves. That's why we're moving to a system like the one on Twitter, where every Asian artist forced to get an alphanumeric username has a handle like @bc2931a or @2023jx or @wabababxa_, which is very easy to remember and shows how versatile alphanumeric handles are at expressing one's non-English-speaking self

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Discord's post trying to convince me that we're somehow now extremely allergic to the idea of sharing a number, despite the fact that Nintendo, that video game company that makes stuff for actual children, has had no problem with its users sharing IDs that are 14 digits long

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i cant breathe he just kept on fucking talking

[ID, borrowed from @night-dark-woods: a tiktok duet. the original video says, "over half of your jar of nutella is sugar and oil." the user @.luxmberg dueting it then cuts in, a close-up speaking directly into the camera. he says, "okay? and the human body is 60% water so who am i to throw stones from my glass house. speaking of... i cant even jack off no more in my glass house. not unless i want the whole neighbourhood watching... and watch they do. they come to my front yard in front of my glass house and they tailgate my damn jackoffs. and i dont even know it cause im so in the zone porn wise until the smell of hickory smoke wafts in through my window. and when i say my window i mean my house because its all one big goddamn window. and i cant cum after that. i just get hungry. but i cant go out and have none of the ribs theyre barbecuing because they think im gross. im just a spectacle to them... a nasty lil circus freak. so you know what nutella youre fine. im the problem. as per usual." /end ID]

dark-deathrage

you're a stupid fucking anti-sjw lol. This blog is stupid. I hate you crackers white people SUCK go suck a dick.

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looks like I triggered more sjws. Keep sending these asks they only fuel my logic. 

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Never forget the guy who didn’t remember to hit anon before sending himself hate mail

Love that we’re still dragging the poor fuckers corpse around years later so no one ever forgets their shameful mistake lol

Men DNI unless you are willing to carve me an intricate whalebone busk, delicately inscribed with images of tall ships and portraits of myself, that I will wear against my heart to remember you by when you are inevitably lost at sea

Yes

YES

YEEEEESSSSSS

When I was a kid first getting accustomed to the wonderful world of computers and the internet, one of my favorite things to do was download print-out coloring sheets and mangle them in MS Paint.

This one was my favorite I think. I was 11 going on 12. Also I had no idea how much a pizza cost.

Date modified: 1/29/2002 2:49PM

my dream last night was like “hey what if there were people with a condition that made their whole faces the texture of sticky wet dough and they were constantly melting and hemorrhaging blood and snot and spinal fluid, and you were a bigot towards them…? tonight we are devoting your REM cycles to exposure therapy so that you can be less ableist towards people whose heads explode all over your body”

fellas it was not a restful sleep