Things I’ve learned so far about marriage:

Before getting married I wanted to mentally prepare myself about a few things that I’ve learned from my elders and lectures. Having this kind of mind set has really helped me allot in my marriage so far and pray to Allah (swt) that He allows me to a righteous wife. 

1. No Ego ( especially with your spouse)

Generally, we should aim to have a humble personality always with our elders and our young ones. This really allows us to be more merciful towards Allah’s creations. However, when it comes to your spouse, compressing your ego should be an conscious effort. Frequently remind yourself that, you are both in the SAME team. You have to have each others back. Don’t have this mindset that ‘Oh, I did this for him/her last time now its his/her turn’. This creates conflict in the wrong run and it will hurt you both individually.

2. Expect Less.

Some people take this totally the wrong way ( including me). When I use to listen to lectures, elders or read articles about successful marriages, I always thought ‘expect less’ means expect the worst or expect marriage to be… well not that great.  And this is where many of us go in the marriage thinking ‘oh it wont be that great’ and automatically you becomes less motivated to make your marriage work.

Before I got married, I really worked on this. Yes, in the beginning I had this ‘negative view’ on marriage. But I tried my best to change and I’m glad I did. You just do your part in serving your partner in any way you can. It doesn’t have to be big things, small acts of kindness can go a long way. Remember, no ego. You both are on the same team. You doing something for him/her will not make you any lower but rather it will put you on a high status in front of your spouse.

Honestly, it really comes a long way. If you just do your part, you will be surprised how rewarding it can be. And when your spouse returns that favor it becomes even more special and it motivates you to do more for them. 

3. Do everything for the sake of Allah(swt)

Every act you do in marriage, do it for the sake of Allah(swt). Subhan’Allah that act has so much barakah and blessing in it. Often, we forget to include Allah(swt) in our every day tasks. Even the smallest act like doing chores for the sake of Allah(swt) has so much blessing in it. :)

4. Be less judgmental

When you’re newly married, we may not know your spouse so well. For me, we did exchange texts and some phone calls but you don’t know the person fully unless you live with them.

Its normal that we do get a bit judgmental when we are with someone new. So lets say you see them do something different or that you dislike. Don’t just make assumptions and make conclusions. At times we make certain conclusion like “ oh man, they do this! Great I’m stuck with this now”. Lol. Remember to relax first. You have to remain calm because if you react, situation can go way worst than it already is.

Someone wise once told me. Time is key. Give things time. You can’t just change that habit of theirs overnight. You need to be careful because it may hurt their feelings or offend them. Be very smooth. Don’t confront the situation directly. Their habit can be anything and there can be different ways to confront the situation. However, the key thing to remember is nothing is permanent. Things change, people change. 

5. Stay Connected with Allah(swt)

It is human nature that we cry for help in time of need. But when everything is going smoothly and you’re happy we tend to forget our Creator who made that possible. It can get difficult and that’s okay its normal. Just remember everything that is happening in your life is because of Allah(swt). Appreciate and be grateful to Him every second. Allahamdulilah.