Rambling Along

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

I am in love with you /p

Adding Faceblind Prince Charming and Cinderella

21. The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

22. The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

adding the Doctors Without Borders one

I LOVE tumblr storytime, so here’s a bunch more your weekend reading. Enjoy!

24. The Queen with Three Cursed Children

25. Tiny Dragon with one coin hoard

26. Haunted house

27. Shark hero was about to go rogue

28. Grandma lives in the woods comic

29. A Different Aftermath comic

30. Battery (microstory but I love it so much)

31. It’s A Date comic

32. Supervillian kidnaps rival’s kid and they want to stay

33. Narrative Town

34. I have been hired to clean the wizard tower comic

35. Robot Apocalypse

36. The Statues That Do Not Weather

37. Kushiel

38. Tooth Fairy

39. Alien abduction

40. Felonious wish-granting

41. When humans met actual space orcs

42. Space cousins

WAIT REBLOG THIS VERSION INSTEAD

how could i not reference the brothers of all time….

……..boobs.

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"Please stop growing!"

"it has ranged attacks!"

New headcanon that the whole family carries on their own versions of the Brucie Wayne persona in order to keep up appearances, giving the whole family a reputation of a bunch of beautiful idiots. Everyone EXCEPT Damian. He understands the necessary evil of it, but he can't. He can't do it y'all it's beneath him.

So this child, who is known among the other children at his school to talk like he swallowed a dictionary and get into screaming matches with his history teachers, gets the title of The Wayne Family's Single Brain Cell. This is furthered by the fact that every time he's seen in public he has an exhausted expression on his face like

He becomes a localized meme. The Baby Wayne, fighting for his life every day against his family of well meaning morons.

i have such a profound hate for stories that go 'what if just some guy like literally just some guy was thrown into these horrible circumstances with huge stakes' and then take it back and go 'haha he is not just some guy, he's the specialest little boy in the planet, last in a long line of specialest little boys, it was in his blood all along'

Real talk tho Mob is gonna grow up and choose some constructive but random-ass occupation like healthcare clerk or something idk but word of mouth means that everyone is going to know him as “my friend has a friend who also does exorcisms”

like maybe spooky noises have started coming from that sketchy chest freezer you bought off Facebook so you tell your friend and they say “oh yeah my cousin knows this dude, he can take care of that for you, called him last year to deal with a cursed bong, he’s 100% legit" 

later that evening this COMPLETELY JACKED guy shows up at your apartment and you’re like What are you gonna do, punch the ghost or something? But no he politely asks if he can come in, stands in front of the freezer for a minute without doing anything, then tells you that the evil spirit is gone now and you can store your cowshare portion in peace. Whole thing seems kinda suspect but musclebro didn’t charge you anything and anyway the spooky noises have stopped so no harm done, right?

And then maybe a few months later your coworker tells you that they swear they saw this creepy headless figure walking home last night so you’re like, Y'know I know this guy, 100% legit, I bet he could look into it for you…

Okay but. At some point Mob is going to run into a problem where there is no spirit to exorcise. So a friend of a friend recommended this jacked guy to fix your haunted freezer problem, but the guy just looks intently at your freezer for a minute. Then he turns to you and tells you that he doesn’t know how to fix your freezer, but he knows a guy who CAN help. At this point you’re kinda intrigued, but also sure, whatever, so the tall guy calls his friend and within the hour a greasy guy in a cheap suit shows up. He’s a lot more talkative than the first guy, and before you know it he’s started taking apart your freezer, and then the electric socket, chatting about spirits causing faulty wiring all the while. You’d meant to stop him, but the guy seems to know what he is doing, and before you know it he’s rewired the socket, replaced a faulty cable and rebuild the freezer. You might have complained but he charged you less than any electrician would request as the transportation fee alone, so you shut up, pay him, and the two guys leave together. The haunted noises have stopped. You look up the guy on the internet later but can’t find much except for the ugliest website you’ve ever seen and a ten year old twitter hate campaign you can’t discern the cause off. No matter, it makes an intriguing enough story for your coworkers later.

May the 4th be with You: A Poem for Star Wars Day

Ok I want to say something controversial

But you are responsible for your own safe spaces. You can block tags, block words, block people.

“But i thought fandom was supposed to be a safe space” —yeah you have to curate it.

Unfortunately one persons’s safe space may be another persons’ trigger. That’s ok. Simply block them, block the tag, block the word etc. They can do the same for you.

Maybe I’m just out of touch, but I’ve been around since the days of “don’t like, don’t read” and that’s a good philosophy. If it squicks you, scroll past. If it causes you anxiety or upset, block! Plenty of people are responsive if you ask them to tag an upsetting trigger. And if they’re dicks about it, block em.

Since different people have different needs, one person’s safe space will be another’s Trauma Central.

I don’t know who said it first, but “I need to be able to express my anger without shame” and “I need to be away from yelling and loud noises” are both valid needs people can have for a safe space that really aren’t compatible with each other.

So are “I need to process my trauma” and “I need to not meet any trauma.”

Or “I want a safe space to tell/read the stories that speak to me” and “those stories are distressing to me.”

Insisting that your needs are the only needs anyone should have is not a safe space, it’s its own act of violence.

You don’t get to make others homeless to make the universe your personal safe space.

Bees choose to live in the box where they know damn well that a large fraction of the honey will periodically be removed, instead of simply leaving that place like they are perfectly able to do, because the human box comes with an invulnerable titan to guard them against all threats. The bees consider the payment offered to this colossal mercenary to be a pretty good deal.

Bees know about supply and demand

Protection money

Protection honey

This has been going around my work and friend group on other platforms, and I thought it deserved a place here too.

to me middle aged men obsessed w pro athletes occupy the same mental category as kpop stans

“at least they’re not out there writing cringy y/n fanfic-” 

what is fantasy football if not rping owning a harem of ur favorite boys

“Didn’t threaten the lives of justices”? Fuck that bullshit.

Justice Blackmun, who wrote the Roe majority opinion, had a bullet shot through his living room window. This after years of receiving letters threatening his life. The bullet occurred right after he had received a particularly concerning letter, and was at the end of a year in which DC-area clinics had been subjected to seven bombings. Not threats, bombings.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1985/03/05/shot-fired-through-blackmuns-window/270a0516-2c7f-4c5e-9002-d017515a5131/

Oh, and Blackmun also was picketed regularly ever since the Roe decision was handed down.

Learn your history. Don’t let the Right re-write it.

There’s discovering that you have a kink as in learning something new about yourself, and there’s discovering that you have a kink as in you always knew you were into it, but you didn’t realise it was a kink because you honestly thought everybody was into it, and of the two, the second one is much, much funnier.

It’s like the boner-based equivalent of folks with undiagnosed food allergies going “I just thought bananas were supposed to be spicy”.

Please… you CANNOT HIDE THIS IN THE TAGS

> #you never see foot fetishists talking about how all men naturally crave toes as part of the human condition

Not only have I seen that, I have seen it in a power point at a conference

You’ve seen in a what now

did i stutter

Throwback to that reddit post about the guy who learned exercising doesn’t make everyone incredibly horny and realized he’s come across as an asshole to every partner he’s ever had

I genuinely love (in a weird way) how horrified and regretful he is at how awful he accidentally sounded. This is a person who is self-aware, not an asshole, and never wanted to make anyone feel bad. 

Bruce witnesses Battinson eat a Single Blueberry over the course of a whole day and is like "*deep breath* so he's a disaster. That's fine. That's fine. I can - well, Alfred and the kids can work with that. They handled me, surely they can handle alternate-me."

I think in the interest of fairness, either he also brings along alternate-Alfred so that his Alfred isn't doing all the work for once (and also Alt-Alfred gets to see a much more stable and functional Bruce with a whole family around him!) or Dick volunteers to stick around in Battinson's place for a bit. He regales Alt-Alfred with so many stories about the whole family and he actually has some idea how to take care of himself; Alt-Alfred could cry he's so happy.

I'm suddenly very invested in the 2nd idea bc the idea of a fully-grown Dick Grayson, one who has established himself as his own hero as Nightwing and has even taken up the Batman cowl in the past, who has made friends with just about every hero you can think of and then some (and trained most of the younger ones in some way to boot), getting tossed into Battinson's Gotham is fascinating. He can do Batman - but he does a carefully structured blend of himself and his Bruce as Batman, which is a very different vibe than Battinson!

Gordon: ...you aren't Batman

Dick: I am today! :) so, what are we dealing with here?

Gordon: what the fuck

This is fantastic

Dick: Don’t worry I’m from an alternate universe and your Bats is grounded so I’m stepping in

Gordon: ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴜᴜᴜᴄᴋ

Dick, stepping in for Battinson: What is it this time Officer Gordon

Gordon: Whomst the FUCK are YoU!?!?!?

Dick: I’m Batman

Gordon: The fuck you are, Batman doesn’t talk in full sentences

Dick: . . . Damn it

if your excuse for some kind of bad behavior you're being called out for online is "i'm literally a minor" i think it should be legal for someone to show up to your house and put child locks on your devices so the only websites you can access are neopets and club penguin

if you wanna be a baby go use the baby websites. that's my final answer

“For The Plot,” I whisper, deleting a rad detail that no longer works as tears fall from my eyes

Don’t delete it!

Take the detail and put it in a cut scene file. Less anguish + can be used again if needed later. Recycling!

Brought to you by: I never used to be merciless enough as an editor because losing bits made me sad. Now that I know I can bring them back for a sequel or even post cut scenes separately, I am so much more vicious, and my writing is better for it.

Instead of killing your darlings, I’ve called it cryogenically freezing your darlings

SOME GOLD WRITING ADVICE

@blackkatmagic