WHATCH OUT FOR SHARKS!

*stops time, jerks off everyone im fighting, time resumes, they all cum at once and while theyre cumming i slit their throats*

couldn’t….you just….slit their throats while time was frozen?

i had no time

im a little bit drunk right now but i’m laughing my ass off because wallace is literally the most sexless being ever brought into creation look at him

on a fuck scale of 0 to 10 he is easily a -30. he is nothing. he is a man in a sweater vest who eats cheese. he’s like a mormon fantasy.

What did Wallace ever do to hurt you this badly he’s just tryna make the world a better place with his inventions and you come for him like this

alright I’ve got a One Free Kinkshame pass that expires this week so I’m gonna go ahead and use it in response to some fairly surreal undertale porn i just saw: who the FUCK is whippin their dripper to skeletons with butt plugs crammed into their tail bones. i mean i know this is The Internet and all but i am at a loss. they’re bones, my dudes. you wanna stick your dick in some bones? you gonna stick your dick in some gotdamn bones? bones can’t feel, pal buddy. I’m sorry. they Can’t. butt plugs don’t work on bones. thats like plugging your HDMI cable into your electric toothbrush. its feasible but nothing is gonna happen, i promise. all i can imagine is what that would sound like. you shove some vibrating bullshit up into some bones and its just gonna be CLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAK. gonna sound like all your grandma’s hanging lawn ornaments in a hurricane. you wanna fuck your grandma’s lawn ornaments? you wanna shove a butt plug in your grandma’s butterfly windsock and play your fiddle to it you piece of shit? Unbelievable

@ohheybrina

Porn on My Dash - An Autobiography

I am legitimately concerned for this boy

Number 1 rule: Don’t forget the clit.