When we go out, I've started keeping a score of the number of ~fat girl phrases~ you say.
At first it was just how often you asked for food. "I'm hungry again can we stop at a drive-thru?" or "I know we just ate but this place looks sooo good" in your excited, pleading voice. I never say no, and if there isn't a food spot nearby my backpack is full of treats - bags of mini-donuts and chocolate bars and a thermos of heavy cream for you to sip. You make excuses to friends who don't know you spend most days stuffing yourself in our apartment. "I'm just so hungry today I don't know what it is..."
But then we decided to create a little game out of it. With rules to make sure I get to show off how spoiled and dependent you really are.
One point when you ask for food. Two points when you ask me for help in situations where no normal, even marginally fit person would need a hand.
"Can you get that for me?" whenever anything is not within your arm's reach. That's a big rule - you don't move an inch if you don't have to.
"I really need to sit down" if you do have to walk more than a few steps. I'll make sure you get a seat as soon as possible. And when it's time to stand up, I always help you get back on your feet.
But the real prize is ten points when you admit you're too fat for something everyone else takes for granted. "I'm really not built for it" when a friend wants you to get up and dance with them. "I don't walk so far, I'm gonna need to borrow a scooter" when we go to the mall. "My fat ass? Only if we're driving" when we want to grab more munchies from the store down the block. You laugh when you say these things, like it's just a little self-deprecating joke that you've gotten too fat to walk around a store.
It doesn't matter if you really think you're too heavy and out-of-shape to do it. There's a look I give you. A playful look that says "you're fat, you're the fattest person most of us know, go ahead and act like it". And when I give you that look, you know you're playing the role of the girl who got so fat that she can barely stand up on her own. A spoiled and overfed princess who relies on her girlfriend for anything remotely physical. And you love it.