mh computer tryin to say chimichangas I give uP
“Like, porn star level sex. Ever since I was a teenager. I worked as an exotic dancer for a long time. I used to have long, red hair. I’ve been on the cover of romance novels. And I’ve also been gifted with great hands. I once wrote a book called The Extension of The Female Orgasm; I lost it in an old computer. But needless to say, I can make things happen with the human body. I’m kinda lucky downstairs, and I’ve done the work. There’s pumps and stuff that can make your ding-ding thicker and longer. But mainly I’ve been gifted with the willingness to listen. When women give you guidance, and you’re willing to listen, there’s no limit to what you can do. I once provided thousands of orgasms over a five-year period, without ejaculating a single time. It’s called Mantak Chia’s Microcosmic Orbital Energy Raising. It’s a Daoist lovemaking technique where you don’t release your seed. You pull all your vital energies back into you, and spiral your electric body, to create a really powerful connection. Too powerful, honestly. It needs to be disclosed. Because most people don’t even realize you can take sex way deeper into an abyss of orgasmic pleasure. It’s intergalactic if you do it properly. But there’s a dark side. One time I went to somebody’s house that I hadn’t seen for two years. We were just having dinner. But then I go to the bathroom, and I open the vanity mirror, which I know I shouldn’t do, but I did, and there’s an altar to me. With all these pictures and different candles. I had to learn that I was hurting people emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. Because they’re probably never going to reach that level with someone else. Imagine having the perfect steak at your favorite restaurant, then eating nothing but dirty sock soup for the rest of your life. I never wanted to hurt people. I love people. I’m trying to be a better person. And part of being a better person is to put the other person’s feelings first. So now I tell people right from the start, the complete honest truth. You’re an amazing person. And enchantingly beautiful. But I’d rather just be friends, instead of having amazing sex that is probably going to make you hate me.”
wing five prepared for my attempt to teach dhuum to babies on saturday
what could possibly go wrong
In 4th grade, my bff was in a death feud over chess with a boy in our class but instead of competing like normal people they decided that the best way to determine who was chess master was for each of them to select one of the two biggest idiots in class and teach them to play chess, My Fair Lady style, and see whose idiot won. We are just now, 22 years later, grappling with the moral implications of this exercise.
making up characters is so fun because you can be like “this is johnson he came from my mind” and all your friends will go “yippe!!! horray!!! we love johnson!!!”
very unfortunate but hilarious side effect of calling the example oc johnson in this post is now people are saying this in the tags
going from the reddit star wars fandom to the tumblr star wars fandom is giving me insane whiplash. the upside is that people aren’t bitching about every single imperfect detail in the entire franchise, but the downside is that i’ve seen more fanart of obi wan and commander cody tenderly knowing each other than i have ever wanted to in my life in the last three hours and it has probably fundamentally altered the way i interact with the entire franchise
after the initial shock of being plunged into the icy cold lake of seeing my childhood action figures caressing each others sweaty chests in a gentle, hidden moment after a battle, i’ve been able to get my wits about me and realize that yeah, i’m kinda with it
My little sister's new boyfriend got a tattoo for her about a month ago and he wanted matching tattoos so he decided to get uh. The tattoo on her ankle of her ex boyfriend's name that she hasn't gotten covered up yet
She broke up with him but I also just got the same tattoo
OK my dad also got it
DYLAN!
opens box that reads "i wanna draw again". inside lies a note. the note says, "mental illness and difficult circumstances have taken years of interest, accessibility, and skill away from me. i want to forgive myself for that. i want to heal my relationship to my hobbies. i want to feel connected to something that once made me feel good, but the cyclic discouragement is difficult to overcome." i turn over the note. on the back it reads "wannta drawe sexy bodies awooga"
would you put a discarded fruit sticker on my forehead in whimsical jest yes or no
Eastern coachwhip (Masticophis flagellum f.) in Missouri, U.S.
