Surprise attack!

In combat, the bard is singing and playing his music while the others fight.

DM: Okay, it’s the rogue’s turn. No one has noticed him yet.

Me: I hide in the bushes because I’m tiny and those things are going to eat me.

Bard: I incorporate the rogue being a coward into my song.

Me: Since the buffs last for a few turns after he stops playing anyways, and he doesn’t see me right now, can I use the bonuses to sneak attack our bard with my sap?

DM: … …. … you know what? Sure. Whatever. You guys are really bad at this teamwork thing.

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Taking Drinking Too Far

(Context: so our group was kinda fucking around at a tavern since 2 of our party members were leaving early.) Druid: I want the strongest alcohol at the bar DM: ok so that’s basically straight poison at that point, roll a con save *18* DM: ok so you take 4 points of damage and you’re still pretty sober Druid, ooc: can I mix anything into it to make it stronger? DM: roll a nature check *nat20* DM: ok so you remember you have an herb that makes poisons stronger, so you use that to make it even stronger. Roll a con save with double disadvantage *nat20, nat20, 2* DM: ok so after a single sip you fall back in your chair and instantly pass out. You take, *pauses* 68 damage. Druid, ooc: now I’m at 1hp, so I’ve taken more damage from alcohol than damage in encounters the past 2 sessions together. Bard, ooc: the biggest danger to us is our own stupidity