on this day one year ago someone sewed a fried egg to a tshirt

this is your only day to reblog this for a year

i missed my chance last year so this has been in my queue for 364 days

I can’t hit the ball standing still

GOLF WITHOUT LIMITS

Im just going to leave this here…

This deserve more notes

BEGONE

THOT

FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING UMMUTE.

I will never not reblog this

he deserves it

reblog the good boy pumpkin for good luck

god is real but you can only see him behind the 7/11 at 3:34 am after you down 6 and a half 5 hour energys

this post and “I’m gonna take 1000 benadryl and fuck my shadow self” are really their own unique category of post and it’s my favorite category

Don’t forget about “self care is drinking two jack in the box coffees at 7 pm and gaining enhanced vision of the shadow people you often see in the corner of your eye”

seduce me with ur history knowledge 

vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft

During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemies’ eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vlad’s eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vlad’s soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the “Dracula can change into a bat” thing came from.

raphael, the renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death

during the Ottoman Empire, the Sultan Ibrahim I had 280 of his concubines drowned in the ocean after ONE of them slept with another man.

The earths carbon levels fell by 700 million tons because Genghis Khan killed so many people

King James (the one known for revising the Bible) liked to watch women give birth. That’s where the “tradition” of women laying on their backs to give birth comes from.

Previous to that it was common for women to have chairs with holes in them and straw underneath, so they could sit on this special chair and let gravity help with the birthing process.

Spicy foods were thought to increase libido and cause children to masturbate. To prevent kids from touching themselves at night, a man named Kellogg invented the blandest combination of cereals, marketed it at kids, and called it Corn Flakes

At the Battle of Gettysburg during the American Civil War, a small group of Union soldiers had run out of ammo against a large group of the Confederate Army. In a panic, the Union soldiers sprinted at them, screaming, with only bayonets drawn. The entire Confederate Army that was present turned and ran away in fear, not knowing that they had literally no ammunition.

When the Roman Emperor Caligula went to invade Britain he stood on the coast of Gaul with his army and suddenly declared war on Neptune, God of the Sea. He had his men collect sea shells from the shore as “spoils from the Ocean”.

Oh and he appointed his horse to the senate.

During the Austro-Prussian war of 1868, Liechtenstein sent over an army of 80 people, but ended up coming back with 81 people because they befriended a guy on the other side.

People refused to send art and sculptures to be displayed at the Chicago World’s Fair because of Chicago’s history with fire. They had to fireproof the Fine Arts building to get people to agree to loan them their art. A year after the fair closed most of the grounds were destroyed by fire but the Fine Arts building survived. It’s now the Museum of Science and Industry.

The carbon emissions thing from Ghenghis Khan is not the whole story. He also planted trees wherever he conquered land because he liked trees and thought they were important. He conquered enough to make an impact on the global climate.

Radu III, brother of Vlad III( Vlad the Impaler)  nearly killed Mehmed II, the future Sultan of the Ottoman’s, after Mehmed invited him up to his chambers. Radu, seemingly unaware that the offer was sexual in nature, was startled when Mehmed embraced and then tried to kiss him. Radu stabbed the prince in the leg, then ran and hid in a tree. They later became lovers, and maintained a relationship for the rest of their lives

Just googled the last one because holy shit that’s magnificent and seemed to good to be true, but not only did it actually happen, but I also learned that radu was known as “radu the beautiful”

fun date idea: stab him in the leg

Albert Einstein was such s hard believer on civil rights during his time that the us government made the cia I watch everything he did. Because they believed he was communist spy from Russia for believing in civil rights.

Roman Emperor Nero fancied himself a gifted composer, and would crucify Christians and set them on fire so that their screams would inspire his musical compositions. When he killed himself, his final words were something along the lines of “the world is losing possibly its greatest musical genius of all time”

If You're A Rich Person and You Enjoy My Content You Are Obliged To Send Me $599 Dollars a Month In Subscription Charges

GET DUNKED ON GIOVANNA 

911, I just witnessed a murder

Ripped them greasy strands right out her head

🤔🤔🤔 via /r/dank_meme http://ift.tt/2gOaJAe

Tweets from Parents (see 15 more)

i still cant believe they havent taken down the shirt i put it up there last friday im crying

How to pat cats 

don’t make me say it again

Whenever I’m sad I just look at pictures of cats that are relaxed

So much better now….

i’m going to start a new religion and it’s going to be doing this every sunday for 5 hours

Schrödinger’s boys

FUCK

What about cracking open a cold milkshake

As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town

every time i listen to “you’re a mean one mr. grinch” i can’t help but sit there and think “what did the grinch do to hurt you?” because dude just stands there for 2 minutes and 58 seconds and drags the grinch into the dirt

he stole christmas, kayla! stop with your #notallgrinches propaganda!

you know what if someone told me i was a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce i’d probably be bitter enough to steal christmas too 

Interestingly, though The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is narrated by Boris Karloff, the big musical number is sung by the late Thurl Ravenscroft - an American voice actor better known as the voice of Tony the Tiger.

My headcanon is that the Grinch and Tony the Tiger had a bad breakup, and “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” is the resulting breakup song.

Did this really HAVE to be the first thing I see when I opened up Tumblr?

Yes.

oh god theres art

@altadude you know what must be done.

ive been avoiding reblogging this honestly but just. What the fuck. What the fuck tumblr

i fucking love this website

Well okay.

@yihagathe 

BEHOLD