Would Rather Drink About It Than Think About It

when you listen to a song you used to listen to ages ago and you get that weird as fuck spine chilling feeling as you remember how your life was at that point in time

how do you let go of something you know is supposed to be forever?

think about the hardest day of your life. this was mine. its the day i tried to take my own life, its the day i finally accepted help and all that would bring for me. i admitted to having a mental illness and to the fact that i could no longer fight that battle on my own. i spent so many years suffering in silence, afraid to openly talk about this struggle, because society told me i was crazy. i felt so alone. i wish more than anything that when i was younger that someone would have talked this openly about mental illness, because maybe then 19 year old me wouldn’t have felt so alone. no one should want to take their own life before it has even really began. some may think its stupid to have such a date tattooed on me for the rest of my life, but that itself is why i got this. my life could have ceased to exist on that very day. and so everyday since then has been a victory. it has been one hell of a year and a half for me, I’ve had my medication changed so many times I’ve lost count, I’ve spent countless hours in therapy, I’ve changed therapists, psychologists, I’ve felt low, I’ve felt high, and I’ve landed somewhere between the two. a place i like to call okay. i don’t feel so alone anymore, i recognize the love around me, even on my worst days, i recognize that everything won’t always be okay, and I’m going to get sad again, but I’m going to get through it. its a bad day not a bad life. I’ve grown immensely and become a person i am proud of. I’ve experienced so much in only the last year and a half and to think that i could have missed out on all that laughter, those smiles, experiences, and people, is insane to me, I’m thankful for this day, because without it, i wouldn’t be who i am today. this isn’t the end for me, and it isn’t for you either. for anyone who’s struggling let me tell you to keep going. you have no idea how much good there is in the world, how much love you have to give and receive. please don’t give up and don’t be afraid to ask for help. you are so much more than your mental illness. but most importantly, it will get better so take it from me. stay alive. its worth it.

— Tom Gates

I regret every time I let someone know me too much.

— (via traptsoul)

— Albert Camus  |  @wordsnquotes (via wordsnquotes)