things I’m still learning, kg. (via copyr1ghts)
Note to self (via bl-ossomed)
Today was a bad day in the PICU. On top of the multiple trainwrecking patients, we got a little baby boy.
This little boy looked like what I imagine mine will when I get to meet him in a few months: a few wisps of white blonde hair (both my husband and I were bald/blonde babies, he doesn’t stand a chance), impossibly long eyelashes like his Dad, chubby arms and legs, plump little pink cheeks.
But when I looked in this baby’s eyes the pupils were 2mm and nonreactive. When the attending put a tongue depressor in his throat there was no gag, no cough. His little brain that had begun to experience and process the world around him was now homogenous on CT- the grey/white matter distinction was gone, and sulci and gyri were beginning to lose to the swelling. The attending sighed reading the CT report, and the parents anxiously asked what we thought.
The attending explained that the lack of oxygen he suffered during the 50 minutes of CPR and 15 doses of epinephrine have left his brain irreversibly damaged, that his brain will swell over the next couple days and further cut off the blood supply. The mom was crying silently. The father asked if there was a chance that he would get better. The attending looked at the crib and the motionless baby boy who will never wake up and said softly, “No.”
That’s when the wail happened, the worst fears escaped from the Mom and her dreams evaporated. I understood her on a visceral level, because I also have all those dreams for my baby… the first time he calls me “Mommy”, what his favorite book will be, the bad kid jokes he will tell me, teaching him about art and science, scraped knees and adventures. I stepped out of the room and leaned against a wall collecting myself. My face was red and hot and the tears stung my eyes because in that moment my baby was happily kicking in my belly and hers is now an organ donor candidate.
It’s not fair. None of it is fair.
why are you so fired up over feminism and rape culture
Please look after your friends. Make sure they are well and okay. Sometimes they are going through things that are really heavy. They may not say but they are. Please love them and take care of them.
This is so important. (via alunit)
