happy pride!!
Since that last one worked let’s see if I can go 2 for 2…
Gif by fredrickdbarnes
Sometimes I wonder if this will be the cause of my demise. I cannot fathom such an incessant desire to see the good in all things. I am blind to all but intent, intrinsic nature, and heart. I create euphemisms out of people. - Indigo B
Sometimes the darkness and I come to the end of all things.
It turns out the mountains really are flat.
We are not on the trail of silence anymore, and my mouth is a space where I am.
I ask the darkness, “Is this the end of this universe?”
We step over and through ice-capped mountains.
The darkness says, “It is not the end. But it is an edge.”
I reach out and touch the clouds. They feel like canvas. They are so small and so still, and there are mountains beneath my feet and trees that come up to my big toe.
I think perhaps I am a god.
The darkness is behind me. Its eyes glow red in the midst of its shimmerskin.
It says, “You are not a god. You can’t even take a new skin.”
I look down at my fingers, where they are touching the clouds. I don’t know. They look different to me than they did before, in Midnight Hollow. I think I do have a new skin. It’s still human. It still has fingers and toes and a rib cage and lungs and a heart and elbows and an appendix and all those sorts of things. But it is different. It is.
The darkness says, “If you say so.”
The darkness says, “You’re still not a god though.”
I wonder what’s behind the painted on clouds and mountains and trees. Maybe it’s another universe. It could be a vacuum. Maybe if I poked a hole in the clouds this universe would be sucked into the vacuum and everything would die, the buzzing insects and the grass and the darkness and me.
The darkness says, “Not me. I don’t need air.”
I try to poke the clouds, but they don’t give at all.
I ask, “Who painted this? Who made this universe?”
The darkness floats above the tiny trees. Its eyes go dim for a second. Only a second, and then they blaze up bright red again.
It turns to leave.
I ask, again, “Who did this? Who painted us in here?”
The darkness doesn’t answer. I watch the shimmery gray not quite all thereness retreat. It’s leaving me. It’s leaving me here alone.
I beat on the stupid fake clouds and I scream “Let us out! LET US OUT!”
Nothing answers.
I beat the clouds until my knuckles are raw and bleeding and I scream and I scream, but no one ever answers and the clouds never give.
I stop, because it’s pointless and nothing is real and also my hands hurt. I sit on the flat brown ground, and I wait for the darkness to come back.
It will come back.
It will.
i’m forever a lover of the stars and the moon
Honestly in love with the moon she's just so beautiful and pure
Brian: You guys, are you ever just tired of being alive?
Brian: I'm not suicidal. I just feel like I've done a lot and seen a lot.
Brian: And now, I'm like, "Let's wrap this shit up."
Brian: Right? Like, how many fucking days are there?
"don't use people to forget your ex"
I’d never fucking do that to you. There was a miscommunication somewhere along the way. Now I feel the urge to say I’m sorry every fucking day For a crime I didn’t commit. But I know that he’s helping you get over it. And it’s so unfair because I hurt you, and you hurt me, but you never did anything wrong, so I guess I hurt me. I’ve loved you from the start. That much hasn’t changed a bit. But what drove me away was that we were just each other’s parts. We couldn’t see ourselves as wholes alone so we sparked up this love and clung to it. We loved it. I loved it. I loved you. And I know that you loved me more than I could know. But I was only able to match your love for so long because I discovered who I was. You were still a half, but I was finally whole, and we both begged me not to go. But I had to. Maybe not. Maybe you were already complete And you were just so full of love, mine could never compete with it. This doesn’t hurt because I can’t hold you and call you mine. I could get over that soon enough. This hurts because my crippled tongue and confusion made you hate me. This hurts because I held your pristine crystal heart in my hands, and dropped it in ink. This hurts because of what I did. I took the love you had for me and twisted it. I filled your memories with betrayal and your eyes with tears I filled your heart with lead and left with poor posture and my head down, thinking “where can we go from here” But there’s something hypocritical about saying “I’m sorry” for the same reason 100 times Because an apology is a promise of change And I changed, but it was never in quite the right way so said “I’m sorry” again But that was the last time. So here’s this, and please know that it’s genuine This is a retrospective apology Because I HAVE grown. And I HAVE changed. The right way. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.
-n
#artabillies #inspiration #pdx #portland #trippy #Fractals #amazing #love #mindblown #artists #artgallery #crazycool
Whenever I get sad, I just remember everyone I've wronged and how much I hurt them. I can't express how sorry I am. All of you. I am so, so sorry. Every promise I wasted is engraved in my brain, carved into my heart. I'm sorry.
Constantly struggling with crippling depression and anxiety while trying to force yourself to love yourself.
