source: @i_need_to_learn_more // reddit
this show really didn’t miss one beat
my type of public transportation
“Why were you late in today?”
“Oh, I got tied up on the subway…”
I was always 50/50 on whether to reblog this but the last comment pushed it to like 95/5 in favor.
“What’s our stop?”
“You’ll get off when I tell you to.”
you people are the most fucking exhausting i swear it
i keep seeing people say “why would you leave this in the tags” but the alternative is to actually comment on someones post and i thought we all collectively decided that was a bad idea years ago
“why did you leave this in the tags” because it would be obnoxious otherwise
Same energy
trifecta
quadrifecta
“Tortilla” would match to “torta”, which….is a real Spanish word that just means cake, y’all.
Tortillas are little flat cakes.
in addition, mosca means fly
mosquito does mean little fly
lmfao
‘dump’ is an old adjective that meant “doughy” so “dumpling” is basically “little doughy thing”
Yes but that’s not funny.
No offence, but Alan Turing didn't kick the Nazis' collective ass for you to run around saying that you're too gay to learn mathematics.
Have you thanked Alan Turing (1912 - 1954), atheist and homossexual, the father of modern computer science, today?
Reblog if you have thanked Alan Turing today
He used up all the collective math ability we shared
Not to offer advice nobody asked for but fixing ur sleep schedule is life changing
Things that actually work if u try at them:
- Drinking water
- No longer making self deprecating jokes
- Making sure to take time out of the day to relax and take a breather
- Lighting candles
- Counting ur breaths in and out if ur having a panic attack
- Getting up and trying to do one thing even if u can’t do everything maybe brushing ur teeth but not having the energy to shower
Taking a shower if you can, putting clean clothes on if you can’t, even just a clean set of pjs. Washing your face.
A couple weeks ago I was in a major depressive slump and was feeling really detached from reality. I was trying so hard to fight it but nothing I tried worked until I realized I hadn’t listened to any happy music in almost a week.
I didn’t feel like listening to anything at all but I put on my favorite playlist anyway. Take On Me started and I finger stimmed to the keyboard riff and hummed along and by the end of the song I was smiling. A few more songs and I was fully singing along and feeling more present than I had in days.
Even if it seems small and trivial, like putting on your favorite socks or looking up pictures of kittens, it might be something you need. Of course the music didn’t solve any of the problems I was upset about, but it did help me feel like I was a person again.
My favorite catholic lore is that anyone can make holy water in a pinch but the church puts dumb restrictions on us like ‘do this only if someone needs their last rites’ like I WILL bless this McDonald’s sprite and I WILL enjoy the crispiness of our lord and savior
Another bit is that holy water cannot be diluted. When I went to the Vatican the tour guide was explaining this, if you put any amount of holy water into any amount of normal water, the whole bunch becomes holy. This is how they sell Pope Holy Water in the gift shop. This is how I’ve been drinking only holy water for two months now. I am immune to demons.
Homeopathic holy
It’s not actually any amount of holy water- according to the Church, the water has to be more than half holy water by volume. So if you take a half gallon+a few drops of holy water and a half gallon of secular water, you get one gallon of holy water, plus a few drops. You can then add a gallon of secular water to that and then you have two gallons of holy water. We’ve got a couple jugs of Pope Water in the linen closet at my parents’ house, because my mom used the heck out of this loophole after a trip to Italy in 2008. It was more than a decade ago at this point and we still have Pope Water. We no longer have that Pope, but by god do we have his water.
Here’s what a jug of Pope water looks like. Mom measured a fill line on them so that we never accidentally run out and just have old jugs of secular water lying around.
local kid saves the life of what they thought was a helpless animal only to find out they’ve gained the loyalty of a divine creature
local kid saves the life of what they thought was a helpless animal only to find out they’ve gained the loyalty of a divine creature
I have a pitch for a game that may or may not be based on something I’m doing at the moment
- premise: you’re catsitting four finicky cats in a big old house, and every day you need to perform regular cat tasks like making sure all four are fed, the litter box is empty, and two of the kitties take their medicine
- you can only carry two things at once - your keys, a can of wet food, cat medicine, a laser pointer for distraction, and so on. if you carry your phone you can take pictures of the kitties to send to their owners, which makes them happy and gets you an extra life or something
- basically it’s designed to keep you running around, because cat #1 will try to eat cat #2’s food and you can’t have that, but you need to find #3 to make her take her meds, but #4 is pushing things over on a totally different level of the house
- so that’s complicated enough
- but also there’s… something? in the basement? like a ghost or a monster or something.
- it won’t ever hurt the cats but it does not care for you being in the house at all
- so now the pressure is double on, because the longer you take to finish the cat chores, the more likely it is to catch you. after x amount of time (less each night) it will come out of the basement, and after that you have to start checking around corners and under beds in each room
- cause if it catches you… you gotta Fight
- also depending on how much you’ve endeared yourself to each cat via treats and physical affection or made them dislike you with medicine or stopping them from destroying things any of them could help you avoid the monster or turn on you when it attacks
- idk I think it would be fun and also the basement in the house where I’m catsitting is definitely haunted
so to illustrate that second to last bullet point, re: the cata working against you
tonight the cat who doesn’t like me because I have to make her swallow two pills a day saw me coming with her medicine and bolted directly downstairs to the basement, which is a trap if I’ve ever seen one
Story idea: The most wanted woman in town has announced that she’ll only marry the one who can open her front door with the key around her cat’s neck. Many men try to hunt the cat down, chase and trap it, but to no avail, the cat is simply too quick, smart and clever, and always finds a way to evade and avoid them.
You are the first one to figure out the obvious: Do not chase the cat. The cat is befriendable. Get the cat to trust you, to genuinely enjoy your company, and you can hang out with the cat. You may eventually be allowed to touch the cat. The cat will freely let you take the key.
Secondary plot twist: The woman is a shapeshifter. She is the cat.
That’s some legit fairy tale level shit right there.
Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat
“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”
Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.
well you did ask
Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.
you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN
Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.
plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.
Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.
japanese dragon:
- long - chill - no wings - legs - moustache - in the sea
chinese dragon:
- long - p chill - no wings - legs often but not always - impressive beard - 9 is a big deal
european dragons:
- jerks - breathing fire - wings - often actually a wyvern - compulsive hoarding - caves
slavic dragon:
- three fucking heads bro - can you believe it - wings and like - 3 whole heads
leviathan:
- honestly probably just a whale and you should all chill
American Dragon:
- jake long
This is potentially life saving information everyone should know.
No you guys this post helped me find my cat. He was missing for almost a month and I’ve had him for over 12 years. After seeing this I put his favorite blanket he always slept on outside hoping he would smell mine or his scent and he was back the next fucking day asleep on it.
When my cat got out, we called and called for him, and then, later that night, I remembered similar advice to this, and so put his little scratching pad, which he adores, on the front porch. Not even half an hour later, I heard a thump, opened the door, and there was his big butt, meowing at me.
Important and vital
I don’t care that I reblogged this today I’m reblogging it again