Hi

It's been a year

And I struggle to find the words to adequately sum up the range of emotions you've brought out of me over all this time. How did all of it happen and why? Where was my mind? Where was my logic? Where was my self respect? I imagined that all of my insecurity and all of my self doubt and instability was caused from one thing that I lacked in my life up until I met you- love. And it was all an illusion at the end of the day. Because instead of being honest with me, you let something completely dishonest manifest into my hopeful expectation of everything I thought I ever wanted. And then it just stopped. And all of my affirmation I thought I was getting from something that, looking back on, was completely unsatisfying, confusing and anxiety provoking, was shattered and meant nothing. And even though, all of that is true, I cannot pretend that I want to forget that it ever happened. I still have the memory of how it felt to be taken away from all of my burning insecurity and just lost in the bliss of what I thought it meant for someone who love me. And I refuse to throw that away. Thank you for teaching me about the value of self reliance and self respect. Thank you for taking me out all of those nights and turning my pain into something beautiful even for just a few hours. Thank you for making me believe that someone could care for me. Thank you for being my friend.