Hey, has anyone checked up on those NFT guys lately?
Turns out they hosted an event and used bulbs that emit UV-C radiation which has blinded some of the attendees.
Casually downplayed as ‘eye-related issues’ - The PR team really stretching it there.
Environmental sustainability is such a turn on
How do Chinese cooks cut vegetables
At first I was like, oh neat some fun tricks to make chopping faster and less messy, and then he made an extendable potato and I died
This is mesmerizing to watch!
When people graffiti on buildings: Yes! Ha ha! Fuck yes!
When people graffiti on rockfaces and cliffsides on hiking trails: What the absolute fuck.
It's not punk to poison the soil, dude.
Apparently there used to be a heirarchy of graffiti: tag < piece < mural < memorial. And doing one lower in heirarchy over a higher one was a huge insult. Like it was a specific unwritten rule thing
[image ID: Tumblr tags reading: #also murals #please don't do that #or the really nice graffiti #there was a nice mural of birds on the side of a building that someone did one of those quick 'scribble' signing on #and it was really annoying #cause it makes it really hard to fix #cause you can't just cover it up /End ID]
any Reagan or thatcher memorial is exempt to the rule.
any Reagan or
thatcher memorial is
exempt to the rule.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
You gotta write for funsies sometimes. Everything doesn’t have to be groundbreaking. Like. Who cares if it’s a little silly it is made out of love
Could a homosexual lend me, an asexual, a single use of the word flaming?
I, a flaming asexual, need someone to please call the fire department. It is an emergency.
Perfectly executed joke, no notes
⬇️ A lot of notes
Boycotting is literally a non-action, if you can't handle not buying things, you're just a weak person...
"don't demonize ppl who can't!!!" ... You can't not eat McDonald's and Starbucks? You're not capable of not buying a new laptop or puma shoes?? You can't resist sabras hummus????? huh?
The targeted list + Starbucks, which we the ppl are taking on ourselves for directly aiding genocide. If you can't handle the stress ( 🙄) of not giving your money to McDonalds (who sends meals to the IOF while Palestianians in Gaza and the west bank starve)... Idk! What I have to say would have me put on a list!
every time i ask people if they do any new years resolutions its all ooooo i dont like making them bc i fail or ohhhhh no i couldnt keep up wiht that and then when they ask me and i tell them about Pasta Quest (i am eating as many different pasta shapes as possible in the space of a year) or when i did Fruit Adventures (every time i saw a fruit i had never eaten before id get one and eat it and read the wikipedia article about it) theyre like hang on i forgot you can make Fun Ones i want a fun one
A couple years ago I made the resolution to start using stickers instead of hoarding them. I still have a sticker collection, but it’s brought much joy into my life to be relieved of the burden of finding The Perfect Spot for every sticker.
The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.
Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.
So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.
Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.
oh shit
"video games have buffering"
one of the DMs I play with has, like, 70 slips of paper that say, "Loading," with bits of random D&D mechanics advice ("partial cover grants +2 to AC") that he slots onto his DM screen when he needs to look something up, assemble something, or think up a mechanic for player bullshit.
So, my boss and I are investigating a cheating case across the border in California.
We show up to this enormous mansion, it’s at the top of a hill. We get cleared through security, and after a drive up the extravagant tree-lined path the husband is waiting for us. He’s looking pissed as hell and for some reason he’s in a bathrobe. There’s an older brown Mexican woman standing beside him. She appears to be a housekeeper. We make eye contact.
The husband is already at a 10. “THANK GOD you’re fucking here! My wife, she-”
My boss quickly stops him from making a scene. “Let’s go inside and talk in private.”
So the husband leads us inside and takes us into a meeting room.
“Tell us everything you know,” my boss asks as we sit. His voice is bored. The two of us have done countless cheating investigations. They kind of lose their drama after the eighth time you discover a husband with a secret porn ring or a wife with a lover in Australia.
“I told her to take a vacation so I could hire you guys while she was gone. I know my wife is cheating on me,” the husband is literally wringing his hands. “I don’t know who the guy is or how she gets him in past security, but they do it in my house. She’s acting so smug lately, like she used to after we… y’know. Sadly, we stopped being intimate after my doctor said-”
“Okay,” now I’m interrupting him. I do not want to know that information. “Have you asked any of your house staff what they know or may have seen?”
The husband rolls his eyes. “None of them speak English. How would I ask them anything?”
My boss just looks at me, exhausted. I get up to go find the housekeeper from earlier.
We immediately switch to Spanish.
“What the fuck is going on with that puto mierda?”
She’s been dying to tell me. “So the wife is cheating with the vice-president of the husband’s company. She sneaks him in through the window near the garden where there aren’t any cameras. They fuck in the wine cellar when cabrón is watching sports. They have been doing this for three years.”
I nod. “Do you have proof?”
“Just go to the ‘wine cellar.’The husband never goes down there. The only people that do are us and… you know.”
We go. As soon as I open the door I’m greeted with a VERY pungent smell and endless amounts of BDSM equipment. An A-frame, stocks, swing, it’s literally a sex dungeon.
The housekeeper turns to look at me, pointedly. I’m in so much disbelief that the husband has never discovered all this in three years or bothered to ask his staff that I have no clue what to even say.
“I’m telling you this not because I care about the husband,” the housekeeper makes sure to clarify, “but because the wife is a piece of shit who underpays us and I want to see the husband possibly kill his best friend. I am old. It will bring me joy before I die.”
We return to the meeting room, and I must have looked off because both my boss and the husband stopped talking to look directly at me.
“Yeah, I have something that you need to see. And I’m going to have to charge extra for pain and suffering damages.”
Moral of the story: Watch Parasite the movie and never ever underestimate the fearsome power of a latina who hates your guts and loves telenovela
i can so vividly imagine the Mrs María housekeeper just ITCHING to cause some DRAMA like I bet the whole hispanic community already calls her boss “ah yes the cornudo” and then she saw a chance to cause CHAOS and she did not hesitate once like
and today she’ll go home and tell her family “the cornudo hired PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS and so a gringo and a 180cm tall scary lady showed up and I TOLD THEM EVERYTHING”
and her kids and grandkids will be like “DO YOU THINK HE’S GONNA THROW PUNCHES. DO YOU THINK HE’S GONNA KILL THE DUDE.”
and tomorrow will be the first day in ages where she’s absolutely HYPED to go to work because she now has the best gossip on the whole neighborhood and everyone is waiting to see how this telenovela ends
i don't know who needs to hear this but if you aren't roasting veggies before u put them in soup u aren't making the most of your finite time on earth
MICHAEL JACKSON // (06/∞) Thriller
Aww yeah, now it feels like Halloween!
Let's stargaze & cuddle
reblog this to give the person you reblogged it from a hug
5 November 2023
Sex is so gross I’m just gonna keep welding
XIAOJUN On My Youth Ending Fairy (231104)
Look at this trix yogurt
I’m in the desert and you just showed me a Polaroid of a glass of water
